Luigi
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“That's Mama Luigi to you, Mario! *wheeze*”
~ Luigi on his matriarchal status
“You will never get this!”
~ Princess Peach telling Luigi about her vagina
Luigi is the gay clone of vigilante plumber, Mario. Originally depicted as an exact duplicate of his older brother in different clothes, his massive rise in prominence and popularity persuaded the creators of the Mario franchise to design a completely new look and personality for him. This was achieved by stretching him slightly taller, and depicting him as a credit stealing dick.
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[edit] Early Life
Luigi (Or weegee) is the gay brother of the famous gaming mascot Mario. He and Mario were born in the Mushroom Kingdom and went to Mushroom High School together, along with Princess Toadstool abnd Yoshi. After high school ,Mario and Luigi didn't want to go to college. Instead, they wanted to be broke-ass plumbers who lived on welfare and got government assisted living. Luigi was primarily a plumber/welfare recipient in his younger years.
When he and Mario were in their mid 20's they decided to get involved with a company called Nintendo that manufactured video games around 1984. Nintendo needed new mascots for their new video game system so they contacted Mario and Luigi, and inviting them to an interview and found they were perfect mascots. Mario was a cute Italian midget with a mustache. While Luigi was good as a comedy relief character. His funny catchphrase was, "I hope she made lots of spaghetti". He developed the catchphrase when Shigero Miamoto,head of Nintendo, invited him and Mario for an interview for Nintendo at his home. When Shigero said that his wife was making dinner, Luigi blurted out, "I hope she made lots of spaghetti." In the games,he would say that phrase randomly at inappropriate times.
Nintendo took their chances with Mario and Luigi and created the Mario Bros franchise, which was a hug success. It enjoyed multiple sequels such as Super Mario Bros. 3 along with numerous spinoffs.An example of a spinoff is Mario Party. The Mario Bross franchise made Mario and Luigi very wealthy. Mario and Luigi both bought a mansion to live in, complete with 7 swimming pools, tons and tons of spaghetti,15 Ferraris and 40 fat French maids.
To produce Mario, Nintendo interviewed him and Luigi to get more information about their lives so they could make games out of them. Mario told the interviewers that he primarily fixed pipes and liked to eat psychedelic mushrooms. They found that boring so they began exaggerating it until it was interesting enough to sell.
[edit] Affiliation with Organised Crime
On the 27th of April 1992, Luigi faced accusations of mushroom dealing and being a member of the Italian Mafia. Although no evidence had actually been acquired, charges were laid on the basis of the fact that all Italians are spaghetti eating gangsters.
When confronted with these allegations, Luigi's lawyer spoke to the media stating that, "These allegations are an outrageous stereotype and are a prime example of societies growing trend towards the deliberate perpetuation of negative views towards the countries hard working Italian immigrants." Luigi then made his own statement "Yea, you'a no good peeple, no'a spaghetti for you, I kill you, I kill you all, you all'a sleep with the fishies." It was later discovered that this had been a complete misunderstanding. It turned out that he was speaking in Italian, and he was actually saying, "Yes I agree, this is a terrible outrage, but I hold no grudges, peace on Earth, peace on all of the Earth." The fact that all Italians are mobsters, and I mean ALL of them, means that the Italian language is composed largely of death threats and stereotypical references to spaghetti.
Even Atticus Finch, a lawyer renowned for his efforts towards anti-racism made a character testimony against Luigi, "I have never met him in my life, but the allegations are TRUE. ALL Italians are in the Mafia and we should kill them all, the bastards," This was stricken from the record as a very recent law had been passed preventing fictional characters from testifying.
In the end the charges were dropped after a jury member noticed Luigi's mustache. The Judge ruled that "Our current justice system requires me to send dangerous criminals to prison, so that they may get raped. However I believe that Luigi will grow to enjoy this process too soon, because all people with mustaches are gay, and I mean ALL OF THEM!!!" In the end, Luigi didn't go to jail, but his career was ruined.
[edit] Luigi's New Career
Luigi had a little known career in bio-engineering which resulted in his EPIC WIN clone, WEEGEE.
One day, while dialing in random numbers and asking whoever was on the other end if they wanted to be his friend., Luigi got a hold of the head of international gay porn channel SBS, who prompted him to start a career in the porn film industry (otherwise known as advertising).
Eventually, Luigi was contacted to make an ad promoting mushrooms. It featured him doing a striptease to the camera. At the end there was a voice over, "Would you like a bigger mushroom? Then try some of ours. They will give you a big penis." A number of lawsuits were filled by women who had eaten these mushrooms. When asked about these lawsuits the chairman of the company replied. "We weren't kidding."
[edit] Luigi's battle with Luigi syndrome
After hearing about Luigi's success in the porn industry Mario, decided to get involved. Once again Luigi got out performed by his brothe,r as he is clearly a virgin. This lead to the creation of a new disease called Luigi Syndrome, a state wherein people get intense anxiety from being out performed by their brothers. Funnily enough, this disease is transmitted sexually. which is why it seems odd that the fish population has been the most effected by the disease. When asked about this Luigi replied "Eh, I'm Italian, I like fishies."
[edit] Clones
Luigi is also able to clone himself. He once created a clone army that tried to attack Mushroom Kingdom. Bowser was able to stop them, because the clones were much weaker than the original Luigi. They only had bagels for weapons, and could be killed by spraying cum on them. Some clones have quit working for Luigi, and lead other lives.
Clones could be found pretty easily around the world. Some clones have gotten jobs as dishwashers or janitors. Many produce shoes for 5 cents an hour in sweatshops in Asia, which is one of the reasons the company Nike is so rich. They are creepy looking with big eyes and a deformed mustache. They are called Weegees by most people who see them. Weegees are harmless and you could even be friends with one.
[edit] Hobbies
Luigi has many hobbies including gambling going and to gay bars. He owns 5 casinos in Las Vegas with rigged tables and slot machines, so that nobody wins. People just trick themselves into giving Luigi more and more money. One of these casinos is called Luigi's Paradise. He also enjoys playing sports such as golf,tennis, and basketball with his brother Mario and his friends. One of Luigi's best hobbies is getting laid. He has many girlfriends, and has sex with many prostitutes on the street. Some of them are Cream the Rabbit, Yoshi, and Princess Daisy .The girlfriends know that Luigi sleeps with other women and they find it sexy because they are whores like that. Sometimes, Luigi has a big sex party in which he invites many women including all his girlfriends to have sex with each other for his pleasure.
[edit] Luigi Becomes Evil
Luigi got depressed over time because of his brother Mario's fame hogging. Mario was becoming too popular and he stopped bringing Luigi on adventures with him. This pissed Luigi the fuck off, inspiriting him to become evil and attempt take over the world to become more popular than Mario. He didn't think he had enough power for world conquest so, to get help, he asked The Devil. The Devil wanted to help Luigi so he could infect earth with evil. He would give Luigi unlimited power so he could use him as an implement to conquer earth. Luigi turned to the dark side of the force. He created another name for himself so he would no longer be associated with Mario: he renamed himself Mama Luigi.
The Devil made Luigi different when he granted him evil powers. He was no longer regular Luigi: he was a hermaphodite: both male and female. his appearance was now a sexy transsexual wolf beast with huge breasts, and predominantly female features who constantly craved human blood. He/she has been pregnant two times, being the mother of both Yoshi and Miranda Cosgrove. Mama Luigi can choose to appear as his former normal appearance with green hat and blue overalls, which s/he does most of the time. But sometimes, s/he changes into his/her true form when s/hes angry or trying to seduce and recruit new partners in evil. Who would you rather hang out with, a hot wolf chick who loves blood or a skinny, Italian man with a mustache? Mama Luigi quit Nintendo and formed his own organization caleed Luigi Inc. Princess Peach was a proud member; she joined Luigi because Mario was cheating on her.
[edit] Luigi's partners in evil
Luigi has many aids in evil.Some of them are explained here:
Mama Luigi gave birth to an evil dinosaur named Yoshi in 1991 through his anus. He gestated Yoshi to help him destroy humans. Yoshi eats humans daily and turns them into eggs that come out of his ass. He eats 5000 humans a day from various areas of the planet. Yoshi also has his own video games that star him. The video games are so addictive that they make people forget the world's problems and mindlessly play. They also send subliminal messages into brains that make people homicidal and go on killing sprees. Some of Yoshi's evil games are Yoshi Story and Yoshi's Cookie. In addition, Yoshi has a number of powers besides eating humans. He can shoot fireballs out of his mouth,shoot laser beams out of his eyes and fart sleeping gas.
Another friend is Darth Vader. Darth Vader is a good ally to Mama Luigi because he created the death star which destroyed the planet Yavin 3 billion years ago. He also exterminated Jedi knights, who were a threat to Mama Luigi's rule on earth. He is friends with Peach from Super Mario Bros.
Peach is a nice gentle girl.But she is evil just like luigi.She helps luigi by killing in varoius cities with her breasts which have the ability to shoot bullets and blowing up buildings with her earrings which turn into bombs. Satan gave her these powers to aid luigi in taking over earth. Luigi has some enemies, but most are too afraid to go against his power. Bowser is an turtle that frequently tried to stop mama luigi from evil because he is jealous of him but failed.Luigi is too powerful.
[edit] Luigi's Powers
Luigi has five basic evil forms that he can transform himself into when in combat.The ability to do this was given by Darth Vader.They are the regular Luigi, Mama Luigi,Weegee Gay Luigi GOD Luigi, and the most horrible and destructive, Mr.L.Besides these he has 2 special powers that he can only execute when he eats a bagel.
Mama Luigi: This is Mama Luigi's standard form.His power levels are about 2000. His powers consist of throwing toast at people, screaming loudly, and crying. Screaming loudly is the most effective and could destroy anything within 500 miles. He demonstrated this power in the Super Mario cartoon in the early 90s.
Weegee: Weegee is a more powerful form than Mama Luigi. His power levels are about 5000. He appears all over the place. He frequently appears in peoples videos on youtube. Unlike Luigi, he has a creepy appearence with bulging eyes. He first appeared in the game Mario is Missing on the PC in 1991. Weegees appearence is so creepy that when people look at him, he causes them to go insane and eat toasters. This form of Luigi appears in the awful game, Mario is Missing. He is just quiet. He doesn't speak at all. But inside his mind he hides something humanity isn't ready to know... Weegee has the ability to enslave anyone he wishes. This skill is called Mind-Soul Rape, AKA simply Weegee Stare. By talking, touching, eating and even just staring at him for a few seconds, you will get Mind-Soul raped. Your face will become Weegee's and you'll be doomed to be his slave and minion for all eternity. There is no cure, altough the world's top scientists are working on it, Einstein died whilst trying to find it, in fact he died while looking for it, Dr. Rabbit could not be bothered, and few others have the balls to look for it.
The Mind-Soul rape was once used to destroy an airplane.
Gay Luigi: Gay Luigi is more powerful than Weegee. He has the power to be really gay; he fucks Chuck Norris and Yoshi 400 times a day. He also captures little boys and takes them to his Neverland Ranche and rapes them. Gay Luigi sometimes takes the form of a priest or Michael Jackson. His gay levels are over 10,000.
God Luigi: God Luigi is the second most powerful form of Luigi. His power levels are OVER 9000. He is so powerful, that he can destroy an entire city by touching a building with his finger. He created the tragedy of 911 and destroyed the twin towers. His other power is shooting a mega laser from his eyes. This laser can melt humans into puddles. Its difficult for Mama Luigi to transfrom himself into this form; he needs to borrow power from the 7 Dragon Balls in order to pull it off.
Mr.L: This is the most epic and destructive form of mama luigi. His powers include raining down losta spaghetti down from the sky, Crying tears that would make Chuck Norris flinch. He can make a wheezing noise and summon demons of epic proportions up from the depths of hell. He is also able to tell a long and pointless bed time story that would kill anyone of boredom.His power level is unknown, but some say its is a bajillion. No one has ever survived this fifth and final form
Luigi has the power to create the disease called Aids. Aids is a disease people have when two people have sex without a condom. Luigi injected humans with a magic potion in 1983 that made their sex organs evil. Previously, humans were able to have sex without worries; that is why so many hippies in the 1960s were able to have so much unprotected sex without worries. Aids is a dangerous disease that is contagious and can cause death. Fortunately,there are doctors you can go to in order to treat Aids.
Another power is the magic balloon . When he touches a magic balloon, luigi becomes extremely obese, and crushes people with his foot and ass. Sometimes, he shits on people which drowns them. When Luigi touches a magic balloon,he can only be stopped by getting stuck with a sharp point: some things that work for that purpose are pencils, penises, and knives.
[edit] Retirement from Evil
Luigi eventually got tired of being evil and left his organization and his evil plans.The Devil/satan was not happy about this but luigi made a deal with him.He would give him his soul.And you know how much satan loves souls.Because luigi gave the devil his soul, he would automatically go to hell when he died.He could donate blood at American Red Cross every day and he would still go to hell.The devil requested that luigi give him his powers he gave him and luigi was normal again.When his powers were taken from him,luigi found he was still a transexual wolf beast though.The devil deliberatly left him like that because he was pissed at luigi for quitting evil.However,luigi still has the ability to change his form into a italian man with a moustache so he just takes the appearence of his normal self.the devil forgot he could do that.After quitting evil,luigi opened up an italian restuaraunt,reunited with his brother and made an autobiography called super mario world.
Super Mario World Luigi's biography is explained in this cartoon he made. It tells the story about his life with his brother mario,how he and mario saved the princess all the time,meeting yoshi and how mario stopped paying him to be in nintendo games.It also shows luigi's relationship with his partner in evil Satan.It showcases his evil plans that he has for earth. One episode shows him feeding all the world food to Yoshi, so the world will starve to death. Another episode has to do with Luigi creating the fast food corporation Mcdonald's. The food contains magical chemicals that make people Luigi's slaves. Luigi partnered with the company Nintendo in 1991, who is also responsible for creating Super Mario Bros franchise. The cartoon ran for only 13 episodes because luigi stopped getting funded by his producer Steven Spielberg Here are some of the episodes of super mario world.
- Ghost r Us
- king koopa scoopa-bowser creates a restaruant that serves egg sandwithces.got closed because the food made people shit constantly
- Mama Luigi-luigi becomes evil and sheds his relationship with mario.
- A little learning-peach teaches nazi theory to children
- cooking with mr. t
Aaaa racism, don't you just love it?
[edit] See also
- Mario
- God Luigi
- Toad
- Bowser Koopa
- Another Castle®
- Mushroom Kingdom
- Super Mario Brothers
- Princess Peach
- Bowser
- Princess Daisy
