Luton Town Football Club

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Luton Airport F.C.
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The EasyJetters
Founded: 1512
Ground: La Stadia de Kenilworth
Manager: Germaine Greer
Chairman: Henry VIII
League: FA Premiership

Luton Town Football Club is surprisingly homed in Luton, Japan. They were founded in 1512 when Henry VIII determined that 'This town should have some ray of light.' But although you have to walk through Urban Pakistan and India to reach it, past dicarded pizza boxes, dumped ovens and freezers, it is worth it to see this glorious side play some football.

Squad[edit]

Following the Mike Newell scandal involving Amy Raynor the lineswoman, the Chairman Henry VIII introduced Germaine Greer as the new manager to save the club's tatty image.

At present, their best players include Roy Keane, Barack Obama and Shrek, though these players will probably be sold soon.

They suffered a few downs recently selling Kevin Nicholls (Nico), Steve Howard (Stevo), Carlos Edwards (Well err....Carlos?), Curtis Davies, Rowan Vine (Viney), Leon Barnett, and the one and only, the daddy, Enoch Showunmi. This world class player got chances to play for glorious teams like Prescot Cables before choosing the Bedford galacticos.

Recently, however, the club was in celebration at the sale of Warren Feeney to Cardiff for 10 Kopecks. Luton had routinely conducted experiments into Warren Feeney's psyche, including his shirkness to scoring. Luton sent him to several strip clubs and observed that he did not score once. In living memory he has only scored twice, against Sandwell Town and Queer Stark Nakers. He achieved what was once thought impossible for a striker - he scored his first goal of 2006 on the 29th December. And yet he plays for Northern Ireland. This imbalance between this universe and the parallel one is blamed on Jose Mourinho, as is everything in football at this time. This triumph was followed by the sale of Adam Boyd to Leyton Japan. Although Luton had to pay the Fujis to take him, it was seen as a great day for the club.

2030[edit]

Luton have recently been taken over by force by a group known only as Luton Airport F.C. 2030. This outfit consists of :

This group intends to thoroughly ruin the club as it has in the past, resulting in a 760 point deduction. It is reported that the children of Luton are routinely butchered and delivered to La Stadia to satisfy the cravings of the suits. It is at certainly known that 2030 intend to move the club to Junction 892 of the M1 motorway, by the charming village of Neptune. However this will meet stiff opposition from the fans, if it turns out to be true.

Trophies and League Glories[edit]

Luton were 1988 Mickey Mouse Cup winners, beating Londrés 3-2 in the final thanks to a goal from Frank Bruno in the last minute and a penalty save by Lord Voldemort. However they weren't in European Competition as the Easyjet workers were on strike at the time.

Rivalry[edit]

The E.A.S.Y.J.E.T. boys on their way out to cause Mayhem

Luton maintain a fierce local rivalry with nearby Watford?, and routine bombing raids occur every Saturday and Wednesday - except, of course, when the Easyjet workers are on strike. The infamous E.A.S.Y.J.E.T. firm is feared throughout the region. Other rivalries include Queer Stark Nakers, Millwall and Plywood Argyll.

Sponsors[edit]

Dates Sponsor
1512-1981 She Mail
1981-86 Listerine
1986-87 Duran Duran
1987-88 Richard III
1988-90 Absinthe
1990-92 Anusol
1992-94 50 Cent
1994-95 Rohypnol
1995-00 The Catholic Church
2000-02 Prozac
2002-04 Dial-a-Date
2004-06 Cillit Bang
2006- Ritalin

The Luton kits are made with 10% more love than the next leading brand, by Ben 'n' Jerry's.

Famous Fans[edit]

The FA Premier League
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Glory Hunters
Chel$ki Abramograd F.C. | Manchester Red Sox Ltd.

Slightly shittier teams that finish 3rd and 4th
Mickey Mousers Soccer Franchise Ltd. | Arse-anal

The Rest
Aston Villa | Tottenham Jooscum F.C. | Madchester Oasis F.C. |
Wet Spam G.S.E. | Harrods Cottagers F.C. | Greys Athletic | Long Ball-ton Wanderers | Neverton | Sunderland AFC | Pompeii

FA Premier League.png