M1126A Fryker

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An Armored Combat Deep Fryer on location in Iraq. Notice the hot oil cannon on top; the lobes on the lower left and right are 5 horsepower electric motors to drive the oil pump.

The M1126A Fryker Armored Combat Deep Fryer is a modified M1126 Stryker capable of preparing the main course of a meal, under combat conditions, for 150 soldiers. Modifications include replacing the standard diesel engine with a turboshaft engine. This provides the additional power required to move the vehicle because of the weight of oil and the exhaust of the turbine is used to provide heat for cooking. Other modifications include replacing the cargo area with a large fry tank and a hot oil gun used to drain the oil tank and for defense.

Creation[edit]

The Armored Combat Deep Fryer concept was created by senior Bush Administration officials as an attempt to both increase morale for the troops in Iraq as well as increase recruiting effectiveness in the United States. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld stated at a defense industry convention after a soldier watches their best friend get blown up by a roadside bomb, a little fried chicken is just the thing to help take their mind off their troubles. Rumsfeld wrote up initial ideas for the design in the fall of 2008 because he was bored, or something like that.

General Dynamics Land Systems noted that the M1126 already exists in the form of the Stryker armored personnel carrier, so creating the ACDF would mean simply modifying an existing design, rather than creating a completely new vehicle from scratch. This would mean that General Dynamics would make "a hell of a lot of money" once production commenced. And as long as somebody's making money, it's not such a bad war after all. When the plans for the M1126 ACDF were brought up at a meeting of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, the Commandant of the Marine Corps kept interrupting to say that the design was "pretty badass" and that "My Marines love them some fucking chicken".

The first prototypes of the M1126 were tested on groups of M1 armor crewman trainees at Fort Knox in the summer of 2009. The vehicles, manned by some POG motherfuckers who thought they were tank drivers because they got a modified APC for Chrissakes, nonetheless produced a hell of a badass fucking meal for the entire 194th Armored Brigade. The M1126A ACDF went into full production that fall, and began to see assignment to combat support units in Germany, South Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan. Combat troops in Iraq and Afghanistan gladly welcomed the POGs manning the M1126A's sturdy cooking equipment, as for God's sake, it sure was better than more MRE's.

Defense[edit]

The M1126A ACDF has whatever kind of armor the normal M1126 has. Some super-advanced kind of steel, probably. Anyway, it's good enough to stop bullets but improvised explosive devices have been harder to deal with. They explode, the M1126A falls over, everybody inside gets cooking oil and chicken dumped on them. In case anybody is enough of a dick to try taking out this badass APC that cooks some awesome hot meals for the troops, the 105mm cannon has been replaced with a hot oil gun. That thing is about the same size as the old 105, but instead of explosive rounds it shoots heated cooking oil in a high-pressure jet. Just try coming near it. The best part is that if there's ever an attack, every grunt in the area will come running to protect this thing, because they'd rather get killed than have to go back to eating those fucking MREs.

Also, if you have access to any, try launching an H-Bomb at this tank and see if it survives. The Department of Defense wants to know what will happen. If it gets destroyed by a hydrogen bomb, the United States Government by law is required to give anyone who questions it's defense $250,000 and free healthcare along with arresting you for possession of Weapons of Mass Destruction. Then they will turn you over to Iraqi's and hang you like they did Saddam Hussein. It's up to you to decide if that's worth it or not.

Frying Unit[edit]

The Lycoming turbine engine (shared with the M1 Abrams) is able to bring the 1,200 gallons (4,500 liter) of oil to frying temp (350 F/170 C) in half an hour. Custom frying racks can hold 50 chickens, 8 pigs, or a whole cow split in half. The chickens can be cooked in 5 min, the pigs are cooked in 20 min, and the beef will be ready in 60 minutes. The hot oil gun will fully cook the enemy in 15 minutes. Too slow for the combat zone, but as specified earlier, the M1126A is a gift from God to every grunt deployed in those shitty deserts and mountains, and mountain-deserts, so they'll pretty much kick the crap out of anyone who tries messing with it.

Operators[edit]

  • United States- Used by the US Army and the US Marine Corps

See Also[edit]