Lamb Chop (puppet)

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http://www.melaniesemporium.com/webcart11/picts/lamb_chop_doll.jpg

Lamb Chop in The Vagina Monologues (1989).

“In Soviet Russia lamb chops YOU!!”

~ Some russian lamb on hatred towards americans

“A man can be happy with any woman, as long as she's not Lamb Chop.”

~ Oscar Wilde on his inability to love Lamb Chop

“She's a lamb that can sing!”

~ Captain Obvious on Lamb Chop

“She's my greatest influence.”

~ Stalin on Lamb Chop's effective governing

Lamb Chop (December 29, 1957 - March 14, 2060) is a gay Academy Award winning American actress, musician, comedian, and ventriloquist best known as the creator of Shari Lewis. In 1957, Lamb Chop, an ewe, first appeared with Lewis on Hi Mom, a local morning show that aired on WNBC in New York.

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Lamb Chop (puppet).

Early life[edit]

Lamb Chop's mom moments before her death.

Born Lamis Nessa Chopp but better known by her stage name, Lamb Chop, was born in a small town in Washington. Her mother was a notorious whore who was shot and killed when Lamb Chop was only three years old. After her mother's death she was sent to live with her grandmother who lived in Canada. Her grandmother wasn't much better, on the account of the fact that she too was a whore. In 1962 Lamb was sent to school where she would be picked on and eventually lead her to attack a student and claw their eyes out. After this act of violence, Lamb was thrown out of school and deemed by Canada as worthless. But Lamb was determined to prove them wrong and set out on a journey to stardom. Lamb would leave Canada by hitchhiking her way to California where she would play the guitar in the streets of San Francisco and live with an ancient Chinese man in his apartment in Chinatown. During her years as a peddler she would contract Hepatitis B after a bitter pimp spat in her mouth after she refused to move for his bitches. In the dawn of the 70's Lamb would fall into a deep depression which lasted for seven months when she made her break in television. During her depressive years, Lamb Chop admits to have attempted suicide at least three times, the first time she put a pistol in her mouth but it turned out to only be an airsoft pellet gun which hurt like shit, the second time she tried to slash her wrists but this ended with her realizing she didn't have blood and the last time she rode a bicycle through Ethiopia with a sandwich tied to her back which was her most successful attempt as she nearly died of massive hemorrhaging but survived. In the end, Lamb got bored and gave up her attempts and went back to show biz.

Career[edit]

Lamb Chop was first noticed by a talent scout when she was found playing the guitar on the streets of San Francisco in 1962. Her career would sky rocket from that point, leading her to appear on numerous television shows and star in several movies. Her first movie was the famed James Bond film, Goldfinger in which she starred as James Bond's love interest. In the late 70's she appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show in which she viciously attacked Ed after mistaking her for a goat. This act of violence led to her arrest and a restraining order held against her by Ed Sullivan. Shortly after this she invented Shari Lewis by sewing her out of silk, apples, yarn and empty boxed wine containers. In the early 80's Lamb Chop left television to star on Broadway. She made her Broadway debut in The Vagina Monologues where she won a Tony Award for best performer. In 1985 Lamb Chop went on hiatus and began using recreational drugs where she would nearly overdose on cocaine after a botched suicide attempt. After Lamb Chop suffered the overdose she would later be found by her friend OJ Simpson and flown to a hospital on his Magic Dragon and would spend two days in the ICU. After her near fatal incident she went cold turkey and went back to television and film. Her latest project has been the sequel to Grindhouse as her and Quentin Tarantino have been in talks. Lamb Chop became an internet sensation when she lipsynched the song Numa Numa, so far the video has over 250,000 views.

Lamb Chop's show, Lamb Chop's Play Along, was a huge succsess for Lamb Chop but sadly it caused a huge dispute over her fellow actors. After the shows end, Lamb Chop went on to star in many blockbuster films, her fellow puppets suffered many hardships. Starting with Charlie Horse, who began a drinking binge which eventually led to his death in 2001. Then Hush Puppy began selling drugs to make ends meet but was eventually arrested in 2006 and has been sentenced to 10 years in prison; he's set to be release in 2016. Lastly, Shari Lewis went missing in June of 2000, she was speculated to have had connections with the Jewish Mafia.

Personal Life[edit]

Lamb Chop has been open about her experiences with depression during her teen years. She would often sit in her room, cry, and read Sylvia Plath literature. She eventually overcame it after hitting her head when she jumped out a four story window. Her battle with drugs has been a challenging road for her after a near fatal dose of Cocaine that put her in the hospital for a week. But since her hospitalization she has been attending many support groups and has been sober ever since. In 1989 Lamb Chop developed a sexual relationship with Bruce Willis but ended in 1997 after Lamb Chop came out as a lesbian. They still remain close friends. In 2005 she developed a lesbian relationship with Miss Piggy where she would later marry her in early 2008. In November of 2007 Lamb Chop was diagnosed with breast cancer where she would later undergo a double mastectomy completely ridding her from cancer. As of now she is currently living in a small village in Kuwait with Miss Piggy and Madonna's neglected child. In an interview with E! she stated the following. "I've been the happiest I've ever been since my surgery. Because it cost me and my wife only $250 to buy this mansion packed with all these servants, cooks, nannies, massage therapists, and strippers due to the fact Kuwait is a third world country." Lamb Chop also stated that Grindhouse 2 will indeed be her last film and she, Miss Piggy and Madonna's child will then move to the South of France. At the 82nd Academy Awards, and the first time ever in history, the oscar votes were tied and both the awards for best actress went to her and Sandra Bullock. Lamb Chop has now completed her life's goal and has quit her life as an actress and is currently residing in a mansion in the South of France.

Relationship with Miss Piggy[edit]

My thoughts exactly.

While on the set of 8 Mile in Michigan, Lamb Chop met Miss Piggy after Miss Piggy "accidentally" elbowed Lamb Chop in the ovaries. The two then hit it off and began a very close relationship and came out publicly with their relationship in 2004. While Lamb Chop has confirmed, "I am a 100% lesbian. I've always loved poon." Miss Piggy has claimed she likes the pole and the hole. In January of 2006, several tabloids were released showing Missy Piggy with who appeared to be Kermit the Frog causing a short term break up before the man in the photo was later revealed to be Gumby. In March of 2006, Lamb and Piggy were eventually back together and scissoring more than ever. In November of 2007, Lamb Chop was diagnosed with Breast cancer and eventually received a double mastectomy, strengthening the bond between her and Piggy. On February 3rd, Lamb and Piggy married in Martha's Vineyard where their wedding was attended by many prestigious lesbians including, Ellen DeGeneres, Rosie O'Donnell and Jodi Foster. Other guests included Virginia Woolf, Queen Latifah, Ricky Lake, Oscar Wilde and Amy Rose. Directly after the wedding a hit squad came in and viciously shot into the wedding chapel, killing Queen Latifah, Rosie O'Donnell and Ricky Lake and injuring Amy Rose, Jodi Foster, Ellen Degeneres and Oscar Wilde. Suspiciously Virginia Woolf escaped unharmed. The newly married couple was successful in killing the squad finding a list with their names and the wedding guests marked for death. The hit has been speculated to have been put out by a certain muppet but nothing has been confirmed. Since the gay wedding the two have been happily married.

Death[edit]

Lamb Chop died on morning of March 14, 2060 at the age of 102 in her apartment in Manhattan. She was blinded by Cataracts and suffered severe anal leekage combined with her diabetes, glaucoma, and liver failure not to mention her prior history of breast cancer. She died in her bed with her 3rd wife, Sandy Cheeks, by her side. Her final words were "Ughhwahhheeerrr...I'm...ugh...where...am..is I?". Then she suffered a massive heart attack and stroke and died. She was buried next to her 1st and 2nd wives, Miss Piggy and Ellen DeGeneres.

Bibliography[edit]

  • Slaughter House on the Prairie
  • A Life of Servitude- The life of Lamb Chop
  • The Man's Bitch

Discography[edit]

  • Stand by your Man (1969)
  • Highway to Hell (1972)
  • Me so Horny (1973)
  • Me Love You Long Time (1977)
  • I Wanna F*** you in the ass (1981) -- Banned by the FCC
  • My Endless Angst (1983)
  • Smells Like Teen STD's (1990) (Won Grammy Award)
  • Lamb Chop also did many duos with Marilyn Manson during the 90's.

Filmography[edit]

  • Hi Mom! (Television Series) -- Herself (Three Golden Globe wins)
  • Gold Finger (1968) -- Agent 006
  • The Sound of Music (1969) -- Brigitta von Trapp
  • Bonnie and Clyde (1969) -- Bonnie (Academy Award nomination)
  • MASH (1970) -- Nurse Finger
  • The Towering Inferno (1974) -- Lady Chocolate Love (Academy Award nomination)
  • Murder on the Orient Express (1974) -- Hildegarde Schmidt
  • Halloween (1978) -- Lori Strode
  • The Carol Burnett Show (Television Series) -- Various Roles
  • Taxi (Television Series) -- Gangster (Cameo)
  • The Vagina Monologues (Broadway) -- Some bitch complaining about cunts.(Tony Award win)
  • Hairspray (Broadway) -- John Travolta
  • The Phantom of the Opera (Broadway) -- The Person who isn't the Phantom (Tony Award win)
  • Lamb Chop's Play Along (Television Series) -- Herself (Five Golden Globe wins)
  • Bad Boys (1995) -- Chola Bitch (Cameo)
  • Oprah Winfrey Show -- Guest/Herself
  • A Time to Kill (1996) -- Jury Member (Cameo)
  • Ocean's Eleven (2001) -- Tess Ocean (Academy Award Nomination)
  • 8 Mile (2002) -- Punk Ass Bitch #1 (Cameo)
  • Sideways (2004) -- Stephanie (Golden Globe nomination)
  • Kill Bill (2004) -- Vernita Green aka Copperhead
  • Grindhouse 2: Slaughtering Bitches (2010) -- Little Bo Kill (Won Academy award for best actress [Shared with Sandra Bullock])

See Also[edit]