Member of Parliament
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A Member of Parliament is a pathological liar whose lies have become so deep-rooted that they have altered the brain's internal structure. The brain of an MP invariably becomes so malformed that it begins to alter the rest of the body's DNA to the extent that they technically become a human sub-species.
MPs have a total inability to give a meaningful answer to a question, for example, asking one "Do you want fries with that?" would result in a response such as "Fries are not the issue here and whether I want them is a matter for me and my party to decide but what we can say is this: our record on fries is second to none and has never been up for debate".
All MPs are ultimately descended from the evil, immortal empress Margaret Thatcher who finally took on bodily form in the 20th Century. Some MPs vehemently deny this and argue that they are the anti-Thatcher, however, this is just another of their lies. Albert Einstein spent much of his life trying to prove this link but sadly he failed. His work was not in vain however, as it formed the basis of the proof that finally came about in 1985 by the work of eminent scientist Rolf Harris. Interestingly, the total percentage of MPs who believe they are of Thatcher and those that don't, while varying from year to year, always adds up to 100.
In 83BC, the kingdom of the MPs was almost destroyed in the War of the Pixies. A formidable army of 125 8-inch tall Pixies from a village near Doncaster, led by the greek Goddess of Victory, Nike, and armed to the teeth with plastic spoons, squared up the MPs on the plains of Scunthorpe.
The MPs were almost routed when their leader, the evil empress Margaret Thatcher used forbidden magic (involving a small pot of strawberry yogurt and the key from a tin of corned beef) to destroy the Pixie hordes. The result of this taboo was her inability to take on bodily form for almost two millennia. Nike managed to flee but not before decapitating three shadow back-benchers, which is why, to this day, MPs have a morbid fear of sportswear.
[edit] Well known facts about MPs
- MPs never have haircuts (their hair never grows).
- Their favourite pastime is claiming expenses. Expenses are to MPs as treasure is to dragons.
- Once dead, their bodies never decompose.
- All have been buggered.
- Being that they are European, they have no souls.
[edit] Little known facts about MPs
- They are allergic to kangaroos, lemons and the number 11.
- MPs hibernate from May until October. When they arouse from their slumber, they are affected by acute shyness for several weeks, which is where the phrase 'Work-shy Bastards' comes from.
- Some controversial theorists have recently claimed that the time for hibernation may vary upto 5 years, once the elections are over.
