Macaulay Culkin
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~ Macaulay Culkin on You
Macaulay Culkin is Gods other son. Macaulay (aka Mac & Cheese) fought with gods most favoured son Jesus. They fought because Jesus is far superior to Mac & Cheese in every way. Anyway Mac, Cheese, and Jesus fought for a very long time; they fought for the first 10,000,000 years of Earths existance. Then Mac/Cheese asked his daddy, (God), to be reborn onto earth as one of the worlds cutest and most lovable little boys. As a child, Mac endured many long worrisome thoughts of regret for fighting with his most favoured of brothers, Jesus, over who would get to drink Jesus juice from the magical Jackson snake first.
Mac - consumed with pain and heartache - turned to the world of acting, television, and movies as a relsease for his pain. He soon took the world by storm, starring in one of the most thrilling and gut wrenching movies of all time, "Home Alone." After the movies initial success, Mac was asked to do a sequal to "Home Alone" which was cleverly entitled "Home Alone 2." It too was a hit with the public.
After these movies, Mac got engrossed in the world of being famous. He turned to drugs, alcohol, and gay sex. Mac soon lost the respect and admiration of the public and was then stuck in movies like "Richie Rich" and the Nutcracker, which incidentally was his favorite move to make. However, he was a bit disappointed to find out that he wouldn't be actually cracking any nuts.
It was around this time that Mac became infatuated with one of Michael Jacksons many Giraffes, and after a shaky first date, their relationship truly appeared to be going places. However, the prudish and narrow-minded Head Giraffe would not permit any intercourse "on his watch", and so challenged Mac to a Death Match. Macaulay won, but only due to the interference of both God and Michael, who used their Wondertwin Powers to defeat the Head Giraffe, who then retired to act as a dildo to serve the insatiable sexual appetite of Tom Hanks. And so, Mac became the new head of all Giraffe-kind, and his first act as leader was to incite all Giraffe into a war with Japan. The battle continues...
Mac currently resides on the Upper West Side of Manhatten with the bones of the Elephant Man and his new hyperbaric chamber that he borrowed from Michael Jackson.
Doctor's test have proved that Culkin has smoked so much dope that a dominant percentage of his bloodstream is liquid marajuana. For more information on this unusual state, see grass.
Also doubled up as his younger brother Kieran Culkin, for tax purposes.
Contents |
[edit] Films
[edit] Home Almost Alone
1990 film starring with Michael Jackson, rated 18 certificate - the less said the better.
[edit] My Girl
1991 Film with Jamie Lee Curtis, critics thought Macaulay was too young to be her boyfriend but mainly they were just jealous.
[edit] Hotelling Almost Alone
1992 sequel to Home Almost Alone Starring with Sharon Stone and Jeanne Tripplehorne, this film also entitled Lost in Bed - an erotic mystery film in which 2 women strain over a hot bed on top of Macaulay Culkin, his hands appear at some points and are tied to the bedpost with a scarf.
[edit] Richer and Richer
1994 film in which a young boy becomes rich and earns even more money as an actor. Some other people besides him were in the film, but nobody is quite sure who.
[edit] Getting Even With Dad
1994 sequel to Hotelling Almost Alone, the director claims was a study in the family politics of incest - starring with Maureen O'Hara.
[edit] Saved
In 2003, he finally made another film under his real name. Also entitled Thank God a Film after all these years, Macaulay Culkin plays a rich actor who is born again.
[edit] Kentuckistan Fried Chicken
In 2006, plays a rich young actor dating girls including Halle Berry, Britney Spears and Jennifer Jason Leigh - in the story they make a film together and get paid lots of money for it.
[edit] Going Home Withought Authorised Absence
Where Macaulay leaves his school to go and smoke pot with the cool kids and never hands in an absence note even though his teacher asks him many time also starred Robin Williams as the flamboyant yet annoying school master.
[edit] I Got a Crack habbit at 13
In which due to Macaulay early exposure to copious amounts of money and fame he gets in with a Bad crowd and they buy him lots of expensive white powder to smell, he later realise its crack and hes addicted and it will ruin his acting career if it was not already over.
