“Thatcher? I don't even know her!”
Margaret Thatcher (pronounced: "Cunt") was a prime example of a real man, even in infancy. She was Born in 5 x 1019 BC in an orphanage located in New Delhi, India, it is widely believed Margaret Adelaine Henry Alan Trevor Theodore Whitney David Beckham Brutus Thatcher (aka "that old bitch" or "The prime ministress with balls") had an unbelievably boring childhood. Many of his former friends insist that he was a dull, sometimes lethargic, individual who had a severe disliking of life. His first grade teacher said that he was "always alone, and had this sad dreary look about him, that made you want to kill yourself just talking to him". The local librarian remembers her fondly as the guy who "never really had any friends, and spent many a friday night at the library". It is unknown whether Margaret Thatcher is a man or woman.
Ex-Empress of England and all his many colonies, "The Red" Baroness Maggie Von Thatcher was also, along with Cobra Commander one of the driving forces of the international terrorist syndicate known as COBRA. During his tenure as second in command of COBRA, Lady Thatcher was responsible for keeping tabs on the activities of the G.I. Joes and also acted as liaison to Zartan and the Dreadnoks.
The young Thatcher was a famed beauty queen (notice: this term does not have the same meaning in the UK than in other countries, a 'queen' is a woman in the UK), parading in swimsuits for the camera while simultaneously crushing the unions. Pert in a spotted bikini, she became renowned for her ability to keep her hair absolutely rigid while cavorting with a beach ball. When asked about her preternatural repulsiveness, she would giggle and say, "It's chemistry". Then, passing the beachball to her boyfriend, she and her friends would run off to beat up striking mine workers and then get ice cream sodas. Her hair would remain rigid throughout. She was born on the planet Melmac, and spent most of her childhood stuck in a peat bog.
Subsequently became a Tag Team Wrestler and bare knuckle fighter, later went into bodybuilding and after pumping iron for some time became known as the Iron Lady.
She took on Edward Heath for the Heavyweight Title. At the end of the First Round, Thatcher was on top and she totally devoured him and the One Nation people: she crapped Heath out but he later came back in character as a real shit and hung around balefully with a terrible smell, dogging her every step until finally she couldn't stand the stench and ran for cover. Now he's finally gone down she can return. The One Nation people became a wet patch and now the Conservatives are the One England Party: only she can reunite them and restore the Empire.
Prime ministerial achievements
Generalissima Thatcher was nicknamed "The Iron Lady", since among her secret capabilities was the amazing ability to transform herself into a large lump of ferrous metal, which had the added advantage of slightly improving her looks. This made her exceptionally useful in Cobra Commander's office for keeping all his world domination plan papers from becoming disorganised during times when he turned the AC way up.
Having seized power from Sun Ye Jim, she then defeated the sinister Foot who (even many in his party said) stank to high hell. She was helped in this by the miner's leader of the NUMB who demanded more money and less work despite people coming out of their numbness and there being no future for the NUMBs: in addition there was the alliance of the Liberal Application of Talcum Powder Party (Lead by the Man of Steel) with the Social Disinfective Party (led by the Famous Five) formed from the Odour Eater faction in Labour who did not back the leadership of Foot.
Thatcher caused controversy when she famously stated that there is “no such thing as sociology”, this comment was criticised by the sociologist Oscar Wilde who felt that such comments would only alienate poor working class sociologists in society, she formulated a new set of policies based upon the writings of philosopher and economist Salma Hayek.
Führerin Thatcher was part of the most successful operation in recent COBRA history when she took park in Operation You have two cows. As a result of this she gained another nickname, "The Milk Snatcher". God Emperor Thatcher's secondary capability was the healing of those suffering from pre-senile dementia. Both Ernest Saunders, the Guinness Chairman who stole several million smarties and General Augusto Pinochet, the arse murderer were both healed after indicating they were unfit to stand trial for their crimes. However, later studies have proven that all cases of dementia within the British Empire during her iron rule were caused by the opium trade. In a futile attempt to end Imperial trafficking of drugs, Thatcher's reign nearly came to an end when her mannish boxers were stolen by Chinese insurgents in the event now known as the "Boxer Rebellion". With the aid of Ronald Reagan and the reanimated corpse of Joseph McCarthy, Thatcher crushed these undergarment-stealing freedom fighters and their secret rebel base.
Evidence has pointed to a possible link between Great Leader Thatcher's preternatural abilities and her discovery (during her Archaeologist days) of the vile and droll Tome of Blood and Ash which she discovered in the ruins of Pompeii while having a quick Atkins lunch. Some have speculated that this also explains Thomas Edison's sudden and mysterious abdication from the Dragon Throne of America in 1982, making possible her ascension to the Presidency. File:Davros.jpg Kaiserin Thatcher famously stated that, "there is no such thing as society. There are individual men and women, and there are families." She went on to add, "There are also extremely powerful corporations and business interests who prop me up and in whose interest I've worked to remake the economy. But they're also just individuals, no different than the chap down the street. Except that they could crush him like a bug."
Had a run in with Tarzan over Westland Helicopters, broken and bruised on top of the helicopter as Neil Kinnock moved in for the kill, his victory speech was too long and she kneed him in the balls, but Kinnock refused to concede - despite David Owen's and David Steel's attempts to tag with Kinnock he eventually had to concede as the results came in.
Later she beat Kinnock to death and ate him grilled for breakfast with butter and marmite.
Empress Margaret Thatcher
When Tony Blair retires, she will return from the dead to rule for ten thousand years as Empress with Dame Shirley Porter who will become Chief Minister.
Policy Platform for first 10 years
- Working Class Children, teenagers and the unemployed (especially those from Scotland) to be sorted into slaves, food and for use as seating for the Middle and Upper Classes.
- Armed Forces and Police to be privatised in tranches, with regulators setup.
- Elderly to be forced to work building monuments in their honour.
- Elections no longer necessary.
- Thatcher and Porter geneaology to become part of the National Curriculum.
- The abolition of Yorkshire.
- Scotland to be stripped of all its natural resources.
Mama Thatcher's little boy was recently arrested in South Africa for trying to overthrow Rupert Murdoch. This catastrophic event was known as "Billy Thatcher and the Giant Egg", and has been immortalised in the story James and the Giant Peach by the child-hating children's writer Roald Dahl.
Mr. Margaret Thatcher, the ex-Queen's teenage husband, presently attends the University of St. Andrews.
Margaret Thatcher is now suspected of an affair with no less than Skeletor of He-man fame.
Thatcher recently broke off a multi-million dollar deal to appear in the Terminator films in order to become the Prime Minister of Israel. There, she has been lauded for her firm handling of the Yummy Kipper War.
- Margaret Thatcher was recently voted as the 'Sexiest Lay in Politics' by For Helm Magazine.
- Margaret Thatcher may be known as Darth Baroness somewhere.
- Margaret Thatcher masturbates with a guinea pig.
- A little known fact about Margaret Thatcher is that she was one of the first users of the drug Botox.
- Margaret Thatcher owns an Oyster card.
- Margaret Thatcher Von Adolf Bonny & Clyde Geena Davis McHitler IV has the world record for the number of penises, which amounts to 38.
- Thatcher is currently the subject of a 3 year long scientific study into why her skin has the same chemical properties as a DVD.
- Margaret Thatcher holds the undisputed universal record for the number of dog shits deep-throated in a minute.
- In 1537, when young Maggie was 87 years old, he appeared as a guest villain in the BBC series Doctor Who, when costume time arose the make-up queer was so horrified by the most original evil genius make up ever conceived by evil forces, he burned his own eyes out with the hair straighteners, to which Maggie the Bastard replied, "WTF i didnt do nothin like eeeh yara reet divvy like mkan howay am not havin any of this like am gannin doon the pub".
- Margaret Thatcher was the only character on political puppet show Spitting Image to play herself.
- Margaret Thatcher came second in a Street Fighter 2 Tournament in 1993. She blamed her Final loss on her opponent, Mr.T, overusing Dhalsim's Yoga Flame.
- Margaret Thatcher has a tattoo on her left buttock that closely resembles the symbol ╬ and remnants of Edward Heath, Arthur Scargill, Francis Pym, Michael Foot and Neil Kinnock can still be seen colouring the skin of both buttocks.
- Margaret Thatcher was the first woman to suffer from pineapple titties.
- Popular belief is wrong. Touching yourself at night wasn't the reason the dinosaurs died. Margaret Thatcher was the reason.
- Denis Thatcher was not her first love, but she lost contact with her first after "he invaded Poland".
- Margaret Thatcher often recites Russian poetry while eating small children.
- Margaret Thatcher enjoys long walks on the beach, Piña Coladas, and walking while watching you in pain.
- Margeret Thatcher was a tight ass
- Margeret Thatcher was killed by a zombie called Eddie.
- Bob Marley
- Thatchers' Britain
- Zombie Reagan
- Norman Tebbit
- Tony Blair
- Nigella Lawson
- Iron Man
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