Magrathea
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“What is this article's major malfunction, Private Pyle? This fact level is sheeeit! Now drop and give me 300 push-ups!”
~ R. Lee Ermey on facts
|  This article needs love | |
| This article is currently in a bad state, but all it needs is a little love. Please give some love by rewriting it. | ||
“Magrathea!”
~ Zaphod Beeblebrox on just about everything
“For the last time, it's nowhere near Uranus. ”
~ Some guy on Magrathea
Magrathea is an inhabited planet slightly down the galactic road from Earth. Its main business is the creation of planets; this made Magrathea the richest planet of all time. However, due to this, all of the galaxy's inhabitants were thrown into abject poverty. The builders living on Magrathea decided to take a brief break and wait for the rest of the galaxy to return to prosperity. Magrathea is famous for having created the Earth, which has since been destroyed by the Vogons. You will likely encounter people contradicting this fact. Don't mind them, they're all just insane. Originally classified as a "Super Planet", under the new IAU (Intergalactical Ass-tronomical U) guidelines, Magrathea has been downgraded to a "regular old planet, nothing special".
Contents |
[edit] Appearance and Composition
Magrathea is composed of 45% dirt and 8% methane. The remaining percentage is a collection of dead skin cells from the inhabitants that have remained in a suspended sleep state for millions of years and hence have not bothered to do any sweeping or dusting.
Scientists are fascinated by Magrathea due to the fact that the planet does not have a core. Instead the centre of the planet is a nebulous portal into a different dimension. This dimension serves as the workroom for planet manufacture (see Business).
The only known photograph of Magrathea taken from space is one taken by Zaphod Beeblebrox. In 1998 the Hubble Space Telescope attempted to take photographs of Magrathea, but when the prints came back it was discovered that it was just some bubblegum stuck to the lens by a careless astronaut.
[edit] Location and Orbit
The planet of Magrathea is located in the Horsehead Nebula, where it orbits the twin sons of Soulanis and Rahm. Its exact location is not known, because as soon as its location is written down, it changes. The only way to find the planet is to input the name in your Improbability Drive and hope for the best. Magrathea is approximately 1,500 light years from Earth.
[edit] Business
Magrathea's economy relies solely on its planet-creating business. As you might imagine, this does not make for a very balanced planetary economy and is probably why nobody cares about Magrathea anymore. Though no one has bought a planet from them in a very long time, the Magratheans keep a careful catalog of planets, some of which are described in a certain book. The catalog includes:
- Planets made of gold
- Planets made of platinum
- Planets made of fish
- Planets made of rubber "with lots of earthquakes"
- Planets on which naked women drop out of the sky on parachutes
- Planets covered in springtime meadows
- Planets covered in scenes straight out of horror movies
- Planets resembling your mom
- Planets where two lefts do make a right
- Planets where people actually like the Jonas Brothers.
Though some think that last one's a bit far fetched.
Since making a planet is astronomically expensive, and no one has been rich enough to buy one since the Great Galactic Market Crash, the amount of money you can expect to pay for one is more than you or anyone else will ever make in your pathetic little human life. In other words, give up now.
[edit] Inhabitants
- Slartibartfast, a man who has an obsession with fjords and icebergs
- The cleaning staff... well, until they died.
- 3 White mice
