Today's featured article
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Did you know...
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- ...that 90% of all video game high scores are set by one guy called "AAA"?
- ...that the League of Nations was the first and least successful Collegiate football conference?
- ...that due to international copyright laws, U Can't Touch This?
- ...that the Seven Deadly Sins are nose-picking, hocking a loogie, rhyming words with themselves, inventing the cotton gin, winking at a baby, milking a goat on Wednesday, Internet downloads, and counting the number of Deadly Sins?
- ...that airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value?
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In the news
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- Medvedev discovered to be possible marionette.
- John Terry pulls out of rest of 2008/09 season, citing hectic sponsorship schedule.
- President-elect Obama pledges to solve the mystery of Dead Man's Cove.
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On this day...
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December 5: International Day of Unusual Spam, International Tapeworm Awareness Day (TWAD)
- 1 - God created the universe at a 25% deal.
- 666 - Shiva tells the people of India that they will die if they do not enlarge their manhood and reproduce, thus becoming one of the largest populations. Vishnu and Brahma get a cheap thrill out of watching the sex.
- 785 - King Arthur's vision of the Holy Grail is accompanied by the words "Grail! This can be yours FREE!"
- 999 - Amid predictions of the Apocalypse, European peasants receive anonymous notes offering "hot deals on ultra-sexy self-flagellation gear."
- 1791 - Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart chokes on his dentures during a live performance and dies. Antonio Salieri frantically tries to dislodge them from Mozart's throat using his clarinet but only succeeds in driving them in farther. "I feel awful" he is quoted as saying.
- 1793 - Joseph Marie Jacquard is taught weaving by a super-intelligent tapeworm named Steve.
- 1929 - Baurhaus designs the new age spam only to have plans delayed by 60 years.
- 1939 - Adolf Hitler's letter to Neville Chamberlain is headed "PEACE NOW 25% off!"
- 1983 - Andre the Giant beats The Green Giant, and therefore won a lifetime supply of Spam.
- 1984 - Feed The Welsh, Elasto-Pop's charity single, is released.
- 1987 - Oh crap, I have a math test today...
- 2003 - Bush declares war on spam after receiving excessive unbiblical porn in his inbox.
- 2004 - Britney Spears 100% Fully Clothed Pics spam email used.
- 2005 - Websites everywhere become littered with "Get Firefox" buttons.
- 2006 - Did you know everything has subliminal messages? EAT POPCORN!
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| Colonization of the Week
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Wal★Mart
Help us clear the ivy of crap,
and plant the seeds of humour.
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Writer and Noob of the Month
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What can one possibly say about Hyperbole? In the past few months, his writing has liberated the Uncyclopedia people from the chains of mediocrity. He's practically rewritten the entire comedic bible in his stay at this website. Funnier than a bear is strong! Why, the sheer significance of this amazing writer's talents, completely eclipses the significance of events as important as 9-11! And that's not all. "Hype" as we like to call him, is quite the ladies man. Women are just falling all over him!!! And so am I! I'm falling all over him! I'm infatuated with this writer's REVOLUTIONARY contributions to comedy! I'm going to die! Do you hear me?! I'M GOING TO FUCKING DIE!!! That's how good he is!
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A man of a thousand names, Multiliteralist is also apparently a man of a thousand literalists. Last month he arrived at Uncyclopedia with his metaphorical guns blazing, which was probably good, because arriving at Uncyclopedia with actual guns blazing probably would've resulted in some injuries. During Multiliteralist's short time here, he has already educated people about the horrible danger of the blank hole, the dangerous horror of the Spiteworm, the undeniable benefits of Total TrashTM, and the horribly dangerous horror-danger of the Cult of Klestosapharot.
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