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Featured today, a long long time ago

Featured.png UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings, featured on 25 September 2013. See the featured version.
Horseshoes (game), featured on 25 September 2011. See the featured version.
Why?:Don't we do it in the road?, featured on 25 September 2009. See the featured version.

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In the news

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On this day...

Rare image of the invention of alcohol.

September 25: Pastafarian New Year's Eve

  • 75 BC - Julius Caesar assembles a small army to punish the prophet Mosey for ransoming him at too low a cost.
  • 10,000 BC - Alcohol invented in ireland
  • 20 - God invents Grues to punish Jews who prosecuted Jesus.
  • 879 - Vikings find the word "Viking" offensive. Change name to Berserkers.
  • 1832 - 604th day in a row of no news to report.
  • 1833 - Meteor shower destroys Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1936 - The great prophet Barry Foster is killed by an unplugged electric model tram whilst convening a Burns supper; he is subsequently devoured by his guests as part of the main course.
  • 1992 - 10am - A young Tony Blair meets a one eyed Scotsmen and falls in love.
  • 1992 - 1pm - Tony realizes he's a dick and begins an elaborate 14 year plan to screw him and the country over when he leaves.
  • 1999 - Britain's Millenium Dome is voted 'most useable structure' for the new millennium
  • 2002 - Some girl in Kentucky is raped after a terrible accident by a guy with a triple B; pregnancy ensues.
  • 2006 - You log on and view Uncyclopedia; millions die.
  • 2007 - Large dome shaped roof for sale,little used, one careless owner, offers invited.
  • 2009 - Cowboys owner Jerry Jones' head declared useless dome, sold at auction for $12.53 (US) (€ 9,000,402) for cookie fundraiser for new pool table.
  • 2017 - Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron loses landslide to newly formed Conehead Party. Liberal Democrats enter into Liberal Conehead coalition government.
  • 2017 about 2 minutes later - David Cameron and Nick Clegg announce that they will divorce, as Nick "has a new bloke, and he is a Conehead!", a teary Cameron said.
  • 2018 - Tony Blair and Gordon Brown announce that they will organize benefit conference for one eyed hot Scotsmen. Action heavily criticized by newly elected Conehead Party/Liberal Democrat coalition government.
  • 2020 - Nick Clegg spontaneously explodes during debate on debating debates. No one in coalition notices. Clegg named a master debater.

Today's featured picture

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Figuring he would at last turn around his luck, Wild Jim drew the fabled dead man's hand.

Image Credit: Sonje
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