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• Egyptian minister: Obama told me he is a Muhammadan (Pictured)

• Mathematical proof shows that Football=Soccer

• Bazooka used in Ronnie Gardner execution

• Israel ponders a military response to the Delta Chi flotilla.

• Singer Natalie Merchant receives invitation to join the famous Muzak Hall of Fame.
• Greece is turning Chinese after being found abandoned in junk yard

• Joint American-Mexican task force close down cross border bogus Lesbian pipeline.
• Pro-choice group demands right to carry outpost natal abortions.

• BP admits drilling breached Hades, hell to pay

• Bill put forward to ban working-class from getting behind wheel in attempt to cut drink-driving

• Apple product users putting terrible strain on the NHS

• Controversial summer camp offers to turn kids into alcoholics to help future beer sales

• California's yachting teen Abby Winters finds it helps to be young and sexy in rescue drama

• The Solar System warns Earth it is in danger of becoming an economic basket case

• Miley Cyrus neglects to wear pants, sends thousands of Americans to prison

• U.S. discover $1 googol in Afghan gold

September 9: Day of the Truffles Triffids

• 9 Cirno is born.
• 1000 - During the Battle of Svolder, King Olaf I of Norway falls overboard and disappears into the Baltic Sea. He is not seen again until Olaf II: Electric Boogaloo is released on video later that year.
• 1087 - William the Conqueror dies. About time, too.
• 1312 - Paracelsus invents redundancy.
• 1313 - Paracelsus invents redundancy.
• 1405 - The world's first soda siphon goes on display in Paris. Rioting ensues.
• 1828 - Leo Tolstoy is born. How boring is that?
• 1839 - John Herschel takes the first glass plate photograph. Later photographs are of a glass cup, glass saucer, and a glass eye.
• 1850 - California is admitted into the USA.
• 1944 - Bulgaria is occupied liberated by Soviet troops.
• 1967 - The spork is invented.
• 1969 - No rioting in Paris. Rioting ensues.
• 1976 - Mao Tse Tung passes away; sadly his dream of murdering more of his own people than Stalin is left unrealized.
• 1988 - In the most intense fighting of the GI Joe-Transformers War, the Autobot-Joe Alliance and Union of Decepticon and Cobra Forces see heavy casualties in the Battle of the Backyard.
• 2009 - Being the 9/9/09, and upside down Satan appeared, only to shorty die of spinal injuries.