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Today's Featured Article - Ceiling Cat

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Featured today, a long long time ago

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Why?:The Day I Met My Enemy, featured on 24 April 2013. See the featured version.
Resident Evil, featured on 24 April 2012. See the featured version.
On her wedding day, saying the things left unsaid, featured on 24 April 2011. See the featured version.
Bruce Wayne, featured on 24 April 2010. See the featured version.

Did you know...

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  • ...that your daughter wants to be just like her mommy? (pictured)
  • ...that the The Root of All Evil is fishsticks?
  • ...that Anonymous has written over 4,323,904,528 poems and 23,900,241 short stories, among a million other kinds of written word?
  • ...the muffin man?
  • ...that it was I who let the dogs out?
  • ...that Alexander isn't really that Great?
  • ...that I like cats, but could never eat a whole one?

In the news

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On this day...

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April 24: The Feast of Maximum Occupancy, Zombie Jesus Day (Christians and Eggnogstics)
  • 33 - Zombie Jesus rises from his tomb and partially devours the brains of his apostles, resulting in most of the inane ramblings in The New Testament.
  • 89 - Pope Clement I celebrates the first Zombie Jesus Day by decreeing that people consume copious amounts of high cholesterol in the form of chocolate and painted chicken embryos.
  • 1353 - Badger maulings reach record levels in Europe.
  • 1704 - The first regular newspaper is published in America: The Boston New-Letter, containing overly-opinionated columns and hyped-up headlines. Circulation soars.
  • 1856 - The word 'chairman' is introduced to the Oxford English Dictionary as 'A person with a proclivity to stand sitting'.
  • 1862 - The Amerikan Sivil Whar on spelling begins, the letter u in color being the first victim.
  • 1981 - IBM create the first known evil computer.
  • 1982 - IBM reveals computer wasn't "evil", it was just running a Microsoft operating system.
  • 1984 - Apple builds the world's first do-nothing computer.
  • 1986 - Time begins, to the disappointment of trillions.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • 2000 - Fat-free chips withdrawn from supermarket shelves in the UK due to risk of intestinal implosion.
  • 2005 - George W. Bush declares, "America is officially full." Congress approves bypass for Haitian boatpeople to row to Canada.
  • 1995 - The most amazing child on earth was born
  • Today - You eat too much food and spend five hours on the toilet thinking of Uncyclopedia jokes.

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