Make Humus Not War
After the ferocious fighting between the Israeli army and the Hizbollah during the summer of 2006, the next year saw the birth of a new era in the Middle-East: Perpetual Peace. This era was available mainly due do the Lebanese-Israeli Peace Treaty of 2007, also known as the Make Hummus Not War treaty.
The origin of a true and lasting peace
The horrible toll, both in life and property, that the war took from both sides opened the eyes of the region's leaders to a new and promising idea: settling their differences and hostilities in a calm and relaxed manner, over some nice hot cup of Turkish coffee and a plate of Hummus. And maybe a nice schvitz in the sauna, time permitting.
|FAIL| Let us make Hummus, not war||FAIL|
This historic phrase is the opening statement of the peace treaty promising normalization and full diplomatic relations, economic cooperation, open borders, love and Middle-Eastern cuisine for all. The signatories commit themselves to ever lasting peace and happiness. And there was much joy. A later addendum, known as the XOXO amendment, added both hugs and kisses; two forms of physical contact that both sides desperately needed after their long quarrel.
Public Speeches to Tired Nations
As the treaty was forged, national leaders addressed their weary countryment and announced their decision to move away from the path of war and onto the path of comfy day-beds and iced tea.
Hassan Nasrallah's (General Secretary of the Hizbollah, formerly Minister in Charge of Inflamatory Rhetoric) "change of heart" speech illustrates perfectly this new ideal, particularly after you consider the source:
|FAIL| Citizens of Lebanon! Shiites! Brothers in Islam! As the holy Quran states that thou shall take the people of the book, the Jews to your heart, we shall do so in the name of the almighty. No more, shall the sword prevail in our region. No longer, shall mothers morn their children. No more, greetings between nations shall be expressed by rockets and apache helicopters. I say enough!
Hear me out brothers! From this day on I declare
Ehud! EHUD! WAKE UP ALREADY!
YOU'LL BE LATE FOR WORK
AGAIN! I'm sick and tired of pushing
you out of bed every god damned