Malcolm Glazer

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Glazer's childhood Photo. A rare image of Glazer as a child in Middle Earth, when Netty tried to rid herself of Malcolm... but sadly for Manchester United Fans he then stood up, breaking the grey poison box he was in....You can stop crying now, its been a month.
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Malcolm Baggins.

Malcolm Baggins is the fourth son of Netty Baggins cousins to the renowned Frodo. Malcolm has three brothers Longo, Tampa and Bungo and two sisters Kaitin and Priscilla Queen of the Desert.

Growing up in the shire the young hobbit was teased by all the other hobbits for his bright orange hair and ears which were pointy to the point of ridiculous. In order to impress he decided to go out and destroy a ring all by himself and one day he and his cousin Brian stole their mother's wedding ring and went all the way to Mordor. However, he travelled South, so far South that he came to the doorway of middle earth. The doorway was so small that only the smallest person could get through Brian was too big but Malcolm was the perfect size. As they were deciding what to do a dragon came and ate Brian, Malcolm scurried through the door and came to Minnesota.

Malcolm in Lower Earth[edit]

Here he found his vocation in the circus where he performed for years as the worlds ugliest man. During his time in the circus he discovered American Football, and soon he was caught up in the romantic idea of being an American Football player. He played one match during which he was stepped on and squashed. After four months in a coma he awoke and decided to buy a club instead. He invested all the money he had made working for the circus in bank robbery and was soon rich enough to start his own American football club. Named the Tampa Bay Bucaneers, after his elder brother Tampa, Malcolm raised the club to great things. However, for years many assumed that as he ran up and down the field incessantly Malcolm was the mascot and many complaints were made that he lacked a bucaneer uniform. Having down great things with the club, so great he couldnt see them, Malcolm came to England. Here be bought the football team Manchester United. What Malcolm didn't realise was that football in England meant soccer and not American football. Malcolm still bought the club and then bankrupted it as he took money out of the club and invested it in plastic surgery to make him look more human. No difference has been noted.

See also[edit]