Manic Street Preachers

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Four cross-dressers from Blackwood, Wales, didn't like the world the way it was so decided to take a different approach to people and change their views. Initially they attempted to change views through the medium of polemical writings, but soon realised that no-one in Wales can read. After that they planned a national tour, attempting to communicate their message through the medium of dance, but the show was cancelled due to costs; the sheer volume of dry ice and sparkly leg warmers were prohibitively expensive.

The young quartet had met at school, a place where Welsh children went in the 1970s for three to four months before being sent down a mine. The four bonded over a shared love of prog rock, veal and Benny Hill. During their teenage years the four were social outcasts, and spent their evenings immersed in popular culture. Being Welsh this meant harp music, books about leek growing and rugby. Eventually the four formed a pop group, inspired by Abba and The beatles they became a four piece band and began composing such happy, catchy jingles as "Ceremonial Murdering State Apparatus of Oppression", "Repeat Afer Me That the Queen is a Parasitic Demon in Human Form and Not a Nice Old Lady as She Wants You to Believe" and "Knees Up, Mother Brown".

Manic Street Preachers in 1993. L-R: James Dean Guevara-Bradfield, Sean Nelson-Moore, Richard Ian James Curtis Edwards and Nicky Marx-Wire.

The band were quickly viewed by the Welsh Press as the natural continuation of Wales' proud musical heritage, the heirs of Tom Jones and Badfinger. They have since gone on to release ten studio albums, one of which was regarded as "quite good, actually" by a cocaine-addled music critic.

The Manics were once decribed as attractive young men who make pleasant-sounding music by Helen Keller.

• Their names are: James Dean pineapple-Bradfield (birth name: "Clint eastwood jr."), Nicholas Jones, Richard Paul James Banks Edwards and Sean Moore.

• James Dean Bradfield is a short man with a Napolean Complex. Easily moved to temper, he famously invited an entire audience outside for a fight, then hid in the venue changing rooms for 12 days, whimpering. Although able to play guitar very, very fast, he is unable to control his playing and therefore Manics concerts can often turn into 12-hour jazz marathons. Bradfield was born into a working-class family, as are all Welshmen, and began smoking at the age of two. He had his first tattoo, a baisc depiction of Flipper, done at the age of four. As Bradfield has grown (although not grown that much, clearly) the tattoo has come to resemble Moby Dick, or Harriet Harman. Bradfield learned to play the guitar after being struck on the head by a maddened sheep during a Welsh fertility ritual. At first the faith healers who staff Welsh hospitals thought his twitching hands were a sign of possession by Satan, once a Les Paul guitar was placed into his hands it turned out he was simply performing the much-loved Van Morrison tune "Brown-Eyed Girl". Shortly afterwards Bradfiedl formed the Manic Street Preachers by inviting Richard Edwards around his house, where Sean Moore shared Bradfield's bedroom (the two are cousins, but that doesn't mean nothing went on) and Nicholas Jones (nicknamed "The Wire") was a frequent visitor who stol all their Hob-Nobs.

• Sean Moore was born the child of a dancer from Pan's People and an Oompah-Loompah. A well behaved child, he was always quiet and got bullied at school for this, but little did they know he was a world class kazoo player. Sean used to snoop about in his parents cabinets, he found something so disturbing that he has never been able to speak to anybody since, in fact the only person that he could open up to was James. James and Sean shared a bedroom for many years, in a disturbing way. When it became clear that James was never going to be tall enough to ride rollercoasters, Sean selflessly agreed to be even shorter than James, and to look like a girl. In return, James agreed to stop waiting until Sean was asleep and then doing that thing with the gerbil. The resulting friendship led to sEan playing drums for James' band, but he always wanted to reveal his Kazoo skills to the world, a feat he eventually managed when he performed a Kazoo solo on "Get Carter" a track on the band's fourth album "Closing Down Sale".

• Nicholas Jones is also known as 'the Wire', due to his devotion to confusing American cop shows. Wire played for Arsenal from the ages of 6-12, winning three FA Cups and a BAFTA. He was forced to retire after a crunching tackle by Gary Linekar. Devastated by the premature end of his sporting career, Nicky began cross-dressing, wearing make-up and demanding to be known as "Shirley". At 16 Nicky became a dictator, but just ended up causing a huge uproar when he donated the Spice Girls to medical science and caused a minor diplomatic crisis by claiming that he was the best thing since sliced bread with a sprinkelling of leek. Nicky's reign as a dictator was ended when the UN realised that "Nickyland" was not a real place and stopped inviting him to summits. So he gave up on his dream and became a Manic Street Preacher.

• Richard Ian James Curtis Edwards was an easy-going child that loved everyone. He had the most normal up bringing in the band. From a young age he has been interested in modelling and action hero's, in fact, he thought he was super man himself and started random arguments, fights, he went horseback riding regularly and jumped off of a moving horse, and tryed to down a whole pot of leek soup in one gulp, but ended up spilling it all over himself. Richey spent all of his pocket money on comics and upmarket fashion. At the young age of 12 he go his parents into debt by phoning up fashion companies all over the world, stealing their credit cards to buy fur coats, feather boa's comics, and even bought guitars for James Nicky and Sean. He repaid the debts by undertaking motivational speeches, reminding depressed office workers to count their blessings and remember the positive, happy aspects of life, such as fluffy kittens and the possibility of Neil Kinnock being elected Supreme Leader. Edwards attended a creative writing course at the University of Swansea, but was thrown off the course for being too happy and sociable. This sent him into a spiralling pit of despair (Blackwood) and he joined the Manic Street Preachers at the insistence of James Dean Bradfield.

In 1905 Richard Paul James Banks Edwards gained notoriety for shaving the letters '4RHYL' into a sheep’s coat. He had been goaded into doing so by Steve Lamacq, a journalist for the Smash Hits-style magazine NME, which would later try to convince the world that Gay Dad were actually good.

[edit] Forming their Preaching group

as young men they all decided that their pasts were too strange and that they should serve the world strong words, spread new beliefs to the streets of Wales NO! the world, so from scratch they got to work and manicly street preached everywhere and were finally discovered by a higher force than god! and they now preach to the whole world!

They have developed a cult following of weird obsessive, loyal fans, so popular in fact other preacher men needed them to stay strong, what an impact they had, they re-wrote the bible, and even started their own generation of terrorists Many other terrorist organisations hate them for what they have done. Nicky became very animated in his preaching against certain organisations, like the REM organisation.

[edit] The Welsh Connection

The group hail from Wales (and until 1907 were in fact banned from leaving Wales). They gain a lot of their influences from the valleys where they grew up. This explains their bleak outlook on life and their downtrodden spirit. Since the disappearance of there main political influence (Richey Edwards) they have moved further away from preaching their political aims and toward promoting Welsh culture. Nicky Wire will no longer allow anyone into his house who is not in Welsh national dress. Similarly if you want to attend any of their sermons then you must have a Welsh flag with you, or at least a leek, to be allowed in.

[edit] The Holy Bible: Rev Richey James Edition

They rewrote the Bible, and greatly brought down the amount of books and chapters. It is divided up accordingly:

• Book 1: Yes
• Book 2: Ifwhiteamericatoldthetruthforonedayitsworldwouldfallapart
• Book 3: Of Walking Abortion
• Book 4: She Is Suffering
• Book 5: Archives Of Pain
• Book 6: Revol
• Book 7: 4st 7lb
• Book 8: Mausoleum
• Book 9: Faster
• Book 10: This Is Yesterday
• Book 11: Die In The Summertime
• Book 12: The Intense Humming Of Evil
• Book 13: PCP

-Book 1 was originally written on the topic of the greatness of prog, but they felt that the normal Bible opening book name "Genesis" was not a true representation of prog, so they settled on "Yes".

They somehow managed to start their own genaration of terrorists! This helped them conquer the world and give us all happiness! And what a generation it was!

GENARATION GENARATION GENARATION!!

• Generation terror 1: slash nd burn
• Generation terror 2: Nat west- Barclays- midlands- loid’s
• Generation terror 3: born to end
• generation terror 4: Motorcycle Emptiness
• Generation terror 5:you Love Us
• Generation terror 6: love's sweet exile
• Generation terror 7: little baby nothing
• generation terror 8: repeat (stars and stripes)
• generation terror 9: Tennessee
• generation terror 10: Another Invented Disease
• generation terror 11: Stay Beautiful
• generation terror 12: So Dead
• generation terror 13: Repeat
• generation terror 14: Spectators of Suicide
• generation terror 15: Damn Dog
• generation terror 16: Crucifix Kiss
• generation terror 17: Methadone Pretty
• generation terror 18: Condemned to Rock 'N' Roll

we are told of another following 'send away the tigers', this is a service to well... send away the tigers! man! can they preach! this is Exactly what it says on the tin!

SEND AWAY THE TIGERS!

• 1. Send Away The Tigers
• 2. Underdogs
• 3. Your Love Alone Is Not Enough
• 4. Indian Summer
• 5. Second Great Depression
• 6. Rendition
• 7. Autumnsong
• 8. I'm Just A Patsy
• 9. Imperial Bodybags
• 10. Winterlovers

• we are also lead to believe that there is a hidden preach! and that my friend is none other than: Working class hero! you have to look for it!

HINT: leave ‘winterlovers’ running!

they also say 'know your enemy' and they tell us loud and clear who to watch out for!

OUR ENEMY'S!

• 1. Found That Soul
• 2. Ocean Spray
• 3. Intravenous Agnostic
• 4. So Why So Sad
• 5. Let Robeson Sing
• 6. The Year Of Purification
• 7. Wattsville Blues
• 8. Miss Europa Disco Dancer
• 9. Dead Martyrs
• 10. His Last Painting
• 11. My Guernica
• 12. The Convalescent
• 13. Royal Correspondent
• 14. Epicentre
• 15. Baby Elian
• 16. Freedom Of Speech Won't Feed My Children
• 17. Hidden Track

truth be truth! (that’s what they uh.. said) THIS IS MY TRUTH TELL ME YOURS!

• 2. If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next
• 3. You Stole The Sun From My Heart
• 4. Ready For Drowning
• 5. Tsunami
• 6. My Little Empire
• 7. I'm Not Working
• 8. You're Tender And You're Tired
• 9. Born A Girl
• 10. Be Natural
• 11. Black Dog On My Shoulder
• 12. Nobody Loved You
• 13. SYMM

They feel that this world must be rid of stuff, expressed in EVERYTHING MUST GO. This is the list of things which MUST GO.

• 1. Elvis Impersonator: Blackpool Pier
• 2. A Design For Life
• 3. Kevin Carter
• 4. Enola/Alone
• 5. Everything Must Go
• 6. Small Black Flowers That Grow In The Sky
• 7. The Girl Who Wanted To Be God
• 8. Removables
• 9. Australia
• 10. Interiors
• 11. Further Away
• 12. All Surface No Feeling

YET... more of their operations take place! they have made their mark on the world! and they ask YOU! to help them with their quest! (YOU can HELP!) lets praise the manics for their preachy, preachy souls! because much more is to come! lets manicly preach the streets too!

[edit] Trivia

• MC Hammer's lyric 'Check out the hook, Richard D. James wrote it' references Richard D. James, Richey James Edwards' brother from Aphex Twin.

• Richey James Edwards is serving a thirty-nine year prison sentence for littering. He will be released on parole on December 25th, 2012, barring apocalypse.

• James Dean famously took his name from the lead singer of this band. Maybe.

• The band actually got their name from James Dean busking out on his street, when a drunk passer by called him the "Manic Street Preacher". Although the words "Get off mah property, ya coont!" shortly followed, James Dean decided not to credit the drunk for this fantastic name, so making the drunk miserable from their success he blatantly protested by listening to Feeder instead.

• Manic Street Preachers are very observant Buddhists. This was first noticed by Nina Persson of The Anoraks who knows everything and looks like a mix between Alice Cooper and Stephen Fry asked if they would like to come and perform with her in The Nation Of Vikings and Richey spoke to her from above and told her No.

• It's a little known fact that rather than the commonly assumed "4 REAL," Richey Edwards actually carved "Big Jock Knew" onto his arm during an interview with the journalist Steve Lamacq. He wanted the whole world to know that the large man was well-informed.

how will richey return???? well here are just some ideas!

After his best friends get all maternal, James decides to give motherhood a go.

James: My contractions have started.

Nicky: (girlishly) Ooh, ooh! Oh my God, Oh my God!

Sean:(heroically pulling up sleeves) Stand back - I'll deliver this baby!

Nicky: (pushing Sean out the way) Shut up, you fat oaf. Remember your breathing James...now push, damn you, push!

James: Nrrgh!!

Sean: Ooh, I see a head! I think it's a boy - wow, a BIG boy!

James:That's mine, you idiot!

Nicky: (camply hopping from one foot to the other, waving hands) Ooh, I'm getting all emotional!

Doctor: Here you are, Mr Bradfield. Your healthy baby son. Oh no, Mr Bradfield! You can't eat him! That's right, just breastfeed him gently...

Sean: A-coochie-coochie-coo!

Nicky: Hey James, what will you call him?

James: Richey of course, after his father. (fights back tears)

Nicky: (sympathetically) Come on James, you're a single mother now. You'll meet another man one day, in time.

James: (sighs) I know. I just wish Richey were here.

Doctor: (removing mask) Ta-da! Surprise!

All: Richey!!!!!!

........