Manowar
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“Manowar consistently inspires thoughts of Michael Jackson and Union Carbide.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Manowar
“Cardboardeth mayst been mighty, But Naye! Steel be thy strongest! spake we all”
~ Joey DeMaio at the international construction convention 1984 on The benefits of Metal
“Anyone who does not like Manowar is afraid of himself. You motherfucker! You are afraid...of yourself...of Manowar!”
~ The Manowar fan on Liking Manowar way too much
“Metal, Steel, Power, Glory, Battle, Strength...”
~ Joey DeMaio on Writing Lyrics
“Clothing? We are too Metal for Clothing!”
~ Manowar on Lack Of Clothing and its relivance to
“I never did drugs... does steel count as a drug?”
~ Joey DeMaio on Substance Abuse
“Now this is my kind of war, saw them live once, throwed few bombs around, kick ass show. ”
~ Rambo on Manowar
“Hawt. ”
~ Rob Halford on Manowar
Pioneering man-core band Manowar or (Homowar) is a loosely affiliated group of concerned industrialists who make up the world's largest organization of Gay Steel mills and steel factories. Manowar exists to promote the use of poser cheese metal, hate others who are not as cheesy as them, protect the secrets of flamers, ride motorcycles, horses and human pole, and use women as sexual tools. All members of Manowar are great at making nerds feel mighty, and strong. All the members of Homowar, to the nerdy poser butt fest are poets, naturalists, and conservationists. On various occasions, they've promised to protect "true metal," but have never bothered to define what "true metal" is, or discuss potential industrial applications. Manowar is famous for their comedy live act while performing on stage.
Even though they look like the homosexual you see in dance bars eying you from across the room, they are not gay.
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[edit] History
In the early days of the gay steel industry, Manowar upstaged Andrew Carnegie by donating a thousand men-at-arms and war-horses to the Crippled Children's Foundation, St. Jude's Children's Hospital, and Mother Theresa. Being successful practitioners of Philanthropy, they were able to endear themselves to the public, and by 1983, Manowar had established an illegal monopoly, infiltrated the United States government, and arrested and executed Carnegie for "being a poser." Manowar open the very frist gay steel mill in 1985, and only hired the ones right guys for the job. Manowar own's every Homosexual steel mill in the U.S.A and Germany. To this day the members of the band all get together and help out around the mills. Simultaneously, Manowar developed new methods of forging steel that remain trade secrets to this day.
They are not gay.
[edit] Legal Troubles
Manowar's success did not come without drawbacks. The group has been the target of much public scrutiny since 1991, when the International Librarianist Foundation of Shhh issued several statements against the organization's failure to control noise pollution. Their factories were described by the Librarianists as "Hell on Earth" or alternately, "Louder than Hell."
They are not gay.
After a heated public debate, Manowar executive Eric Adams assaulted and raped Helen Keller, a notable anti-noise activist and Pasha Suprem-o of the International Librarianist Foundation of Shh in 1996. Adams turned himself in after killing several hundred peace officers with a broadswoard forged in the firey bowels of the abyss, issued an apology to the Librarianists, Mrs. Keller's family, and the people of the world. He then served five days in federal prison before he was ejected for pre-emptively executing his fellow inmates, many of whom were not on death row. President Ronald Reagan pardoned him for his crimes, and Adams has since resumed leadership of Manowar. Another incident which Manowar have been implicated in was the downfall of Saddam Hussein. Faced with the overwhelming masculinity of their music and videos, Saddam mistakenly assumed all Americans were possessed of the same qualities. Saddam therefore decided that it would be against Islamic principles to be involved with such matters and surrendered.
They are not gay.
It is worth noting that the other Manowar executives are convicted felons, as well. Their crimes are simply described as "murder," for details of the organization's secrets of steel would be revealed if further data were made available. It is known however that they are barred from entering several US states. By sheer and entirely unrelated coincidence, this group of states happens to consist of those where sodomy remains a criminal offence. Joey DiMaio, having been jilted by a devout fan, went on to fight the band known as Rhapsody of Fire, the battle is still going forth.
They are not gay.
[edit] Song Structure
After steel and loincloths respectively, music is possibly Manowar's third most well known attribute. A typical song is written in any key that revolves around use of the open bottom E string; being the string with the most metal content on the guitar. Lyrical content is often complex, commonly involving one theme across an entire discography:
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Examples of Manowar songwriting are as follows:
Example 1:
Heavy Metal, steel and brew, With Thor, Odin and blood will take a dump on you. Ride horses now to the kingdoms Bay, we can't help but to be really gay. Tales of fire, kings and beers, with the glory of metal we won't be queers.
Example 2:
Steel and death and kings and might, we are strong and bold and right. Fight and kill and die and fight, steel and kill and fight and might.
Example 3:
Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey! Macho, macho man (macho man) I've got to be, a macho man Macho, macho man I've got to be a macho! Ow....
They are not gay.
[edit] Manowar SteelWorks, unltd.
Manowar owns the largest complex of steel factories in the world, established in 1984. Some claim that these factories produce more than 78% of the global steel production. [1] Their main production line produces mainly weapons and armor; notable products include Swords of Steel, Mighty Norse Swords That Shoot Epic Thunder of The Glorious Gods of War And Have Warriors Blood on Them of Steel, Sheilds of Steel, Axes of Steel, Helmets of Steel, Stainless Steel Chainmail Body Armour of Steel and other Items of Steel. Other products include but do not restrict to Thunder, Glory, Blood, Gods, Immortal Warriors, Jeans w/ Chains and Leather not Cracker Jack Cloths. In 2007, they inaugurated a new production line which produces Thoracic Organs of Steel. It saw a huge underground success and a moderate mainstream (poser) success. The new production line produces Hearts of Steel, Aortas of Steel, Pericardia of Steel, Lungs of Steel, Phallii of Steel, Testicles of Ste- OH, sorry, those are not Thoracic Organs of Steel, but they are produced anyway.. Other notable but somewhat special and exclusive products of that production line are Diaphragms of Steel and Rib Cages of Steel but they cost a pretty penny because they are semi hand-made.
They are not gay, even the the lyrics say different.
[edit] Trivia
- Every worker at the Steel Mills wears a Manowar Shirt.
- They have been know to throw out cheese favor condoms between their set list.
- A homosexual bar is named it self after Manowar in honor of the band.
- It is known when Manowar line up in order of height, they cause posers to explode.
- They
- They are the true guardians of the Intergalactic Council of Rocking Out.
- Are
- They lost a legal battle in the High Court to trademark the following words: "metal", "steel" and "true"
- Not
- Other bands play, but Manowar puts on a comedy act while performing.
- Gay
- They wear chains and leather, not cracker jack clothes.
- They've got the biggest amps, and they blast.
- Manowar's song "Fighting the World," which is found on their album Fighting the World, is included in the movie sound track to the 1991 movie "Fighting the World." The movie, which did poorly at the box office, is about peace, love, and coming to terms with the world around you, using violence.
[edit] They are not Gay
Nope!
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