Maori (language)

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The Native Language of the Maori ow Maori is the native language of New Zealand ow. But all the cousins say it mainly used up north where all the maori are. Not even ow.

“I oncesh tried to talk like theshe nativesh of New Zhealand, but it didn't work out that well. Haha! Thoshe funny Kiwish!”

~ Sean Connery on a higly concentrated dose of heorin


Learning how to communicate like a Maori[edit]

Hello Sup bro, bao, bay, ow / Chur / Kia ora bro (pronounced "Fuck You")

Goodbye Laters ow / Chur / katch up / ka kite!/ Lataz bro!

How are you Howz fingz oi

I'm fine thanks Kei te gud ow / Choice

What are you doing? Ow bro watchu up 2?

Oh nothing interesting Having a feed

Do you find something interesting? Having a good jack, nohi?

Friend Cuz / Bro / Cuzzy / Brozz / Mumma

How expensive! Ow wot a ripoff!

She/he is Chinese, japanese, korean, indian etc Bro shez asian ow!

What a dirty house Faaaaaaa ur whare iz PAARRRUUU!!!

Let's go shopping Dole money comes in today cuz! (dole - social welfare)

Go to the shop and buy some groceries Kidz jump next door and get us sum puha (edible grass)

Get out of here? Not even ow

Tea/dinner time Fish and chips are here bro / Oh hook us up g

Who are they? Ow who dem fullaz?

Amazing! CHOICE!

Wow you look beautiful! Chur

I'd like to order now Cuz yoos do corter (quarter) scoops?

Where do you work? Ow how long u been on da benefit (welfare) foa bro?

In a high paying job in Auckland Freezing workz bro

Can I please have some help (generally in school) Oi gimmie ur answerz or I'll give you the bash!

Pardon? AYE?

We are going to go to the pools Gon go du sum bombz at da river

Are you listening? Faa u taringa turi (???)

Time to hit the showers Oi kids! Get ur paru asses in that bath NOW! (You have to be speaking to 3 or more children while saying this.)

I'm just going out I'm goin to da pub...I may be some time...

Who did this? Ow hu dun dis?

He did it/ She did it dat fulla did it bro

Correct Chur

Wrong Chur!

I just went shopping for some clothes Bro 5 finga discount (stealing)At the coin save.

Can I borrow this? Giz dat fing ov urz/paz it c*nt

She looks Good Bro she's wet aye ow!Farrr shes mean!

Thats looks pretty cool That looks pretty mean/phat bro.

Can I have some food? WOMAN! COOK ME SOME EGGS!Get us some kai cunt

I keep my wife on a leash I give my wife da bash ow!

Im hungry Oi bro u gota dolla?

This is Private Property GET OFF MY FUCKIN LAND YOU HONKY.

I enjoy chicken from KFC Ko KFC o te choice kai.

Whaka Whenomenon[edit]

Way back when the White Man first came to New Zealand and annoyed the Maori, the native chiefs decided that if they can't beat the White Man with force, they would sneakily sneak their sneaky Cheeky Darky ways by making half their names consisting of Wha's (pronunced Pha, or Fa) and K's. Such as if something was called Wakapapa, it would be made into Whakapapa! Yes, you read it right...

Once the White Man realized, they could not change it because under the laws of the Treaty of Waitangi (The contract signed by 50 drunk chiefs and a fat guy named Hemi signing New Zealand to the White Man), there was no clause to directly breach- and therefore no way for them to reverse this!

Important Notes[edit]

Maori also reserve the right to make up a name for any town which the White Men build. For example, even though those white pigs.... I mean "Pakeha", built Dunedin, Maori still get to give it a stupid name - Otepoti. Choice az bro!!!!!!!!!!!