Marbury v. Madison

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Marbury V. Madison, shown here conflicted over a difficult case.

Marbury V. Madison is the name of America's first Supreme Court Chief Justice, a renowned Judge famous for outlining almost all of America's court rules and laws. Most of Marbury's acts are still in use today, 200 years after his clench on the gavel grew cold and skeletal. In light the skeletal nature of his grip, Marbury was removed from the bench and a new Supreme Court Chief Justice was instituted.

Without so great a rule-maker it is doubtful that America's court system would be the paragon of impartiality and calm, rational decision making it is today. He had sex with many women, resulting in the birth of hundreds of babies with AIDS, since before his affairs with various colonial females had was a faggot and had anal sex with individuals of the same gender. However, on the common occasion when no male would consent to having intercourse, he would stick his abnormally small penis into the anal sphincter of a monkey. This resulted in his contraction of AIDS, therefore spreading it to the many children he later bore.

[edit] His Early Years

Marbury V. Madison was born in Westfall, Virginia in the spry spring of 1736. His father was clerk of court, his mother, stiff in constitution, was used a table in the town courtroom. It is evident that young Marbury's background in law influenced his decision to attend Harvard College and major in jurisprudence.

Within a few short months of graduating, Marbury was already a famous and influential lawyer.

[edit] The American Revolution

Marbury was a staunch supporter of the American Revolution. In support of it he wrote numerous political pamphlets, most famous among them: The King's Outrages, Offences, Dire Mistakes and Other Various Sundry Reasons Why it Would be Prudent to Crack Some Red-Coat Skulls. His oratorical skills and loyalty to the cause were never in doubt, though some were leery of his almost dictatorial desire for order.

[edit] His Role in Drafting the Constitution

When the Constitutional Convention was first announced, Marbury was one of the first delegates invited to attend. It was thought that only a judge of his talent could properly delineate the rules for America's new court system. Madison took to heart his task and soon crafted a number of rules which spelled out the Judicial branch's role in America's founding document. Some key distinctions:

1. The court shall remain an impartial, independent body, free of outside influence or political pressure. This is considered an antiquated rule and is ignored by most modern legal scholars.
2. Judges shall dress in a ridiculous manner, because; why the hell not? This is still a key provision of the modern American legal system which insures our right to a trial by jury headed by a person in a silly smock.
3. Each lawyer shall be appropriated 2 timeouts to use at his discretion during the case. This provision was put in (with startling foresight and accuracy) for television commercial purposes.
4. Juries shall be constituted only out of the accused peers, when 'the accused' is defined as white, rich males who own property, pass a Religious test and know the secret handshake. If you do not fit this mould, a trial by jury will be forgone and you will simply be thrown into jail.
5. The Supreme Court is sole arbiter of the Constitutionality of any and all laws or ordinances passed anywhere in the United States. This rule was included in order to keep a clear balance of power, in order to prevent any branch from having sole power to dictate its will.
6. Supreme Court Justices are appointed forever. This rule was subject to revision when Justices started dying and could not be replaced. Now a term ends when the Justice dies.
7. All official court business shall be conducted in a falsetto. This rule can best be described as a failed experiment.
8. A nominee to the Supreme Court is subject to vicious, sexist, racist, slanderous slurs by the omnipotent members of the media, peace be upon them. This rule was mostly included to protect people like, say, John Hamilton, when they referred to, say, Bushrod Washington as, "A small, insignificant Footnote in the Grand Scheme of things. Fucknuggets has managed to parlay the Fact that His Uncle is George Fucking Washington into Every Decision He's made. We get It. Jeeze Shrimpy, why Don't you talk about the Fact that Your Great Uncle makes the Third Earl of Warwickshire look Like the Eight Viscount of Sandwich." (Original puncuation and capitalization). It also makes it perfectly acceptable (but not tasteful) for certain right-wing news pundits like, say, Bill O'Reilly, to comment on the state of, say, Sonya Sotomayor's menstrual cycle ("Jeeze, let's hope we never have the bad luck to see her decide on a case when she's, like, PMSing.")

These are just a few of the more important provisions. Marbury was responsible for many, many more rules, the entirety of which would require several large, bound tomes.

[edit] His Time as Supreme Court Chief Justice

This article has a good idea and concept, but isn't finished. You can do something about it. Marbury V. Madison is the name of America's first Supreme Court Chief Justice, a renowned Judge famous for outlining almost all of America's court rules and laws