Marilyn Manson
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“Deja vu all over again.”
~ Marilyn Monroe on Marilyn Manson
“I tap that all night long.”
~ Marilyn Manson on Himself
“This is the new shit!”
~ Marilyn Manson on Going to the bathroom
Marilyn Manson (aka Merlin Manzin, Monkey Insults, Marilyn Mayonnaise, Charlie White, and Him With The Wacky Eye), born on Christmas Day 2AD, is a well-known musician, artist, actor, film director and anything else he decides to be on a whim. He is often considered to be the most devil worshiping man in Hollywood, though he often expresses a soft side.
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[edit] Early Life
Born and raised by Barb-wire-ara Warner, Manson was raised in a monastery by a group of Catholic priests in Ohio. Although those who knew him during childhood describe his upbringing as 'idyllic and privileged', Manson has hinted at exposure to violent, intense homosexual behaviour mainly because he didn't get the toy he wanted for Christmas when he was 4.
At the age of 12, Manson was asked to leave the monastery following a series of incidents including the kidnapping and rape of a nun, the inversion of every crucifix in the monastery, the illegal distribution of drugs and candy, and the pilfering of Christmas cookies from the kitchen.
[edit] Education
Following his expulsion from the monastery, Manson was enrolled in a public school in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Although initially pleased to leave behind the "stupid head religious doo doo brains", Manson soon found his new classmates to be not accepting of his mode of dress -- a rebellious ripped cassock -- and profane Gregorian chants. This served to further his hatred of religion and people in general, and so he used his time in class to create elaborate plans for revenge. It would not be until 20 years later that the concept of shooting one's classmates for vague revenge would emerge. Manson left school with no qualifications except as a rock and roll journalist, which he was assigned as a joke.
[edit] Career
[edit] Early Career
Prior to and during the formation of the band, Manson had a job as journalist interviewing musicians for a small college newspaper. He is described as having shown great promise, 'would he not scrap the interview and start talking about himself halfway through the article.'
A point of interest is that a lot of Manson's success since has been alleged to be down to help given by the newspaper's editor. However, the only person to allege this is the editor herself, and it is widely regarded as bullshit.
[edit] Musical Career
[edit] Marilyn Manson and The Spooky Kids
The initial incarnation of what would be 'Marilyn Manson' involved a group of 5 college students and unemployed stoners: Marilyn Manson, Brian Bunting, Ned Schneeblee, Quentin Winbuck and Malcolm Flynn. At this early stage, none of the band could play an instrument, so they resorted to wild onstage antics including sex with blow-up dolls, masturbating and throwing poultry/puppies and drugs in the crowd.
The band's name was quickly changed from 'Marilyn Manson And The Spooky Kids' to just 'Marilyn Manson'. He also forced the bassist to change his name to Twiggy Ramirez.
[edit] Solo Career
With Manson pacified and sullenly sucking on a lollipop, the band could now focus on honing their sound of playing an Em chord for 40 measures and releasing their first studio album, 'Portrait Of An American Family'. Manson's influences can be strongly heard on the album, which include 'Scooby Doo' and 'Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory'. However, the band would not gain great popularity until 2 years later.
Around this time, the satisfaction from 'Portrait' and the subsequent blot-on-the-landscape 'Smells Like Children' was beginning to wear off, and Manson sunk into deep depression. Manson also attributes his self-harm and general gloominess to a series of personal misfortunes, including not being able to paint his living room the color he wanted and being attacked for stealing a bandmate's whisky. Out of this dark period came an equally dark, hateful and oh-so-provocative album, the band's popularity began to rise. The album title, 'Antichrist Superstar', unsurprisingly attracted the attention of would-be Christian protesters, although most of the band's controversy was generated by Manson's 'horrifyingly satanic' dicky contact lens.
Following 'Antichrist Superstar', Manson donned an androgynous green alien get-up for the album 'Mechanical Animals'. Initially dismissed by hardcore fans as being 'pussy-ass gentle shit', 'Mechanical Animals' is now widely regarded by fans as being 'the best album ever ever EVER so emotional and sublime and oh my God look at his ass in that catsuit!'
Subsequently released to slowly waning popularity were 'Holywood', 'The Golden Age Of Grotesque' and 'Eat it, Drink it, Snort it'. In 2009 he is going to release a new album, 'The High End of My Cock' which is rumoured to be a musical fucky self-biography about his cockhead(s).
[edit] Columbine High School Massacre
Marilyn Manson is also widely known to be the main proponent of the Columbine High School Massacre. Manson reportedly recorded the album 'Holywood' in order to seduce young, popular teenagers to become outcasts and shoot up their schools. Once the album was released in the US in November 2000, it was played on stereos nationwide for long enough to send the destructive messages in his music back in time approximately six months in the form of a telepathic signal that affected two students at the school. This marked the sixth ever recorded and possibly the most destructive "Billboard™-Shining™-Doppler Event" (see [[BSD Event]), with a Billboard peak of 13 at the Doppler focal point in Colorado.
[edit] Other Criminal Offenses
Marilyn Manson is, in part, the cause of all school shootings in the history of the American public school system. He is also known to be the cause of various other types of crimes and diseases including abortion, rape, incest, bestiality, the 'Twilight' saga by Sarah Palin, nausea, dry-mouth, constipation, vomiting, erectile dysfunction, AIDS, super AIDS, SARS, SIDS, SIDA, EMO kids, Angels and Airwaves, and Panic! At The Disco. Some specific notable incidents include the following:
- In 1998, Manson was found roaming a back alley in Akron Ohio, ass naked and covered in peanut butter. When confronted by by a local police officer, Manson responded by doing the YMCA with his legs, then got down and started break dancing, all the while shouting "SHAMU, SHAMU", before quickly disappearing into the night.
- In 2000, Manson was arrested for climbing onto a security guard, demanding a piggyback ride around the building and then forcing his genitalia up the guard's nose. The charges were later dropped when semen stains indicating enjoyment were found in the security guards' underpants.
- In 2002, Manson dressed as a woman with sagging breasts and shoplifted a carton of Virginia Light cigarettes from a small convenience store. Manson was made to pay for the cigarettes and was given a 2-week ban from the store.
- In 2005, he was convicted of conspiracy to breed kittens for the express purpose of huffing them, and of advertising the pleasures of a foot-job. The case remains open, as all the kittens that were the only evidence went mysteriously missing, presumed huffed.
[edit] See also
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