Massillon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Massillon is a tiny speck of a town in the upper-middle-a-little-to-your-right area of the state of Ohelloo. It was named after a French poet visiting the city caught his bum on fire and ran through the streets yelling, "My ass is on fire! My ass is on fire!" The natives mistook this as "Massisfire," and spelled it "Massillon" because they had terrible spelling skills that they passed unto their children.

Marbling Days[edit]

Massillon used to be well-known for it's marble playing, until World War II started and all of the marbles had to be shipped out of the area so they could be thrown at the Nazis.]]

In the golden age of it's marbling days, Massillon won many tournaments at the national level and they were featured prominently on the cover of every issue of MARBLE WEEKLY. This was mostly because no one else played marbles at a national level, and somewhat because Massillon had the famous Paul Blue (later the coach of the Cleveland Bronze Marble and Croquet Danceline from Cleveland Ohelloo) as a marble coach during these years.

Coach Blue is seen as a hero in Massillon, and there are several statues dedicated to his memory (he was killed in 1980 when he choked on a poker chip), as well as several weeks dedicated to his memory, several hospitals named after him, two soft drinks named after him and there are also several schools that were torn down to build shrines to him.]]

After World War II, the Nazis gave back the marbles and Massillon tried to continue its marble legacy, but, unfortunately, they just sucked at marbles. Marbling is still the most popular pastime, a religion, and the reason to live for many who still live in Massillon.

More About Massillon[edit]

Massillon offers nothing except marbles, potholes and fancy ketchup nowadays, but the residents (roughly estimated to number in the double digits) still talk as though Massillon is da shit.]]

Massillon residents are rumored to be made of 87% limestone.

[[There's been a fire raging on the upper-north side of Massillon since 1930, but no one knows.]]]]