Master Hand

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Master Hand in SSBB.

Master Hand is the creator of everything, even God and Satan. His brother, Crazy Hand, however, is the destroyer of everything, having destroyed 70 planets in 30 galaxies.

About Master Hand[edit]

Childhood[edit]

Master Hand was born to Lord Hand, the 100th president of the United States in 1278, and an unidentified female spirit. Master Hand was taught by the legendary Frogfucius to do good. As he got older, he established a goal to create everything, the first being the universe and then Arceus.

Godhood[edit]

When he created the universe, he created a great place where all planets, stars, and galaxies could live. One big mistake he made was when he created twin brothers God and Satan who went their separate ways to create good and evil. When he foresaw Satan ruling the world along with his minions from Hell, he produced Crazy Hand through his mom. He also spawned millions of males and females asexually. He also has a second brother, Mr. Janito

Actorhood[edit]

A creepy version of Master Hand appeared in Twilight Princess

He also stars in the 1999 movie "Super Smash Bros." on channel N64, the 2001 movie "Super Smash Bros. Melee" on channel GC with his brother Crazy Hand, and once again in the 2008 movie "Super Smash Bros. Brawl" on channel Wii. He picked fighters through random, all through different game series. He tested their abilities through a battle in the Final Destination, but sadly has been defeated for God knows how many times. He also made minions of his own (the Fighting Polygons, the Male and Female Wireframes, Giga Bowser, Shadow Link, Shadow Mario and the Subspace Emissionary), which were all defeated. He is set to star in the 2011 movie "Super Smash Bros. 4" on an unknown channel. Master Hand also had a cameo role in the 2006 movie "The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess" on the channels GC and Wii, incarning another character: Zant's Hand.

His Sex Life[edit]

Master Hand has had endless celestial sex with 88 female spirits (all colors of the color wheel). He had 99 kids through these spirits. Here are his remaining sex partners as shown below:

  • Alucarda- Red-violet spirit
  • Aliana- Purple-blue spirit
  • Angie- Sea-foam green spirit
  • Bitchula- golden-orange spirit
  • Barbara- beige-brown spirit
  • Bella- blue spirit
  • Candy- platinum spirit
  • Carla- bronze spirit
  • Claudia- titanium spirit
  • Deena- silver spirit
  • Danta- golden spirit
  • Dessia- jade spirit
  • Rubii- ruby spirit (one of her children with him was Voltar)
  • Zena- green spirit


The rest of the spirits went to Earth and became prostitutes and wiped their memories so they wouldn't remember Master Hand and their children.

But unfortunately, Master Hand's remaining sex partners want to go to Earth like the others, but they can't, because Master Hand threatened to kill them if they did and eat their heads for breakfast.

People Made By Him[edit]

The people he made are God, Satan, Jesus (through Mary), Lucifer, Dracula, Gaia (AKA Mother Earth), Uranus, Venus, Mercury, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Neptune, Pluto, Eris, The Sun (AKA Sol), The Moon (AKA Luna), Voltar, Skullossus, Skeletor, Arceus, Giratina, Chaos, Zeus, Hera, Hades, Rhea, Rayman, Cronos, Demeter, and Poseidon.

Inventions[edit]

Master Hand invented the cow, water, milk, and Gamecube in 1833. He also invented the telephone, the cock, land, and roses in 1355 B.C. He made the sky, trees, gerbil, elephant, humans, boobs, and pregnancy in 1299.

Trivia[edit]

Did you know....

  • That Jimmy Neutron once attempted to kill Master Hand through a cannon?
  • That Voltar was born when Master Hand was on drugs?
  • That Master Hand's father was the ruler of Nothing?
  • That if you suck on one of Master Hand's fingers, you will be able to have unlimited wishes you and everyone can grant, just as long as you live?
  • That Master Hand was so drunk he may or may not have created Kim Il-Sung?

See Also[edit]