Mastersinger

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Sie sind aufgefordert worden! Grüße Mitdeutscher! This ärticle wäs wreiten ßy ein mästersinger öf the Güild, yöü cän außerordentlich help üs ruhmvoll und völlig schrecklich Rhineländers tö ächieve glößäl döminätiön ßy jöining so bald wie möglich.

Mastersinger refers to a senior member of the Güild, not to be confused with the Guild, which is nothing more then a loser club full of Runescape addicts. The name originated from a bad translation of a German version of the Gospel of Smead by the famous Swedish Sundsvall Publishing Company. Now there are three sectors of the association: one located in Mainz, Strasbourg, and Nuremberg respectivly. These sectors differ only in the colors they wear, which is either red, gold or black, which is all together unimportant.

Contents 1 The Güild 2 Püpil 3 Frienß 4 Singer 5 Pöet 6 Mästersinger 7 Legacy

[edit] The Güild

The Güild, as in the word guild but with two dots above the u, is one of most glorious and totally awesome bunch of Rhinelanders to form a secret society ever! They hit a few nasty bumps when Adolf Hitler rolled some tanks over their meeting house in Strasbourg, but they were able to rebuild using stolen tax dollars, I mean marks, no wait, don't they use euros now? Speaking of currencies, it is a complete and utter lie that there is any secret Güild symbols on the outdated deutsche mark's coinage, so don't even try to try to look for them! The members of this association are usually craftsmen, businessmen, and drunk men who meet in their spare time. Each sector of the Güild has strict fashion rules, similar to those of devote religious fraternities. Members pass through examinations on alchemy and music theory for promotion into each of the four casts. As a member's skill decreases, he would progress from püpil, to frienß, to singer, to pöet and finally to mästersinger, which is every sophisticated German-speaking brudda's tantalizing dream.

[edit] Püpil

The first cast is called the püpil, whom wear red colored tassels in Mainz, gold colored tassels in Strasbourg, and black colored tassels in Nuremberg. Now to become a püpil you must be approached by the head frienß, officially called the 'FRIENSS', who will ask you the following question: "Möchten Sie ein püpil im Güld werden?" to which you should reply: "ganz richtig dann!" (if you want to join) or "kein Weg, weil Sie wie eine Kuh tanzen!" (if you want to be torn limb from limb). Congratulations you are now a püpil! Now if you pass your exam you will be upgraded to a frienß!

[edit] Frienß

This cast is one catergory ahead of the püpil, frienßs wear red colored boots in Mainz, gold colored boots in Strasbourg, and black colored boots in Nuremberg. Now every year the frienß caste gather on the icy slopes of Sweden where they participate in the infamous ice eating contest of Sundsvall! Now the winner of this competition is given the title FRIENSS, and has the right to ask "Möchten Sie ein püpil im Güld werden?" to passing by German-speaking bruddas.

[edit] Singer

This cast is one catergory ahead of the frienß, singers wear red colored rings in Mainz, gold colored rings in Strasbourg, and black colored rings in Nuremberg. Once you finally reach this cast you get a piece of paper stating how totally awesome you are, and then are brought to a sunny forest glade where a guy wearing a robe will place a towel in your left hand and a quaint jar of pure almost genuine Greek olive oil in your right and wrap a scarf around your neck, and then will whisper in your left ear what the Güild actually does and how you can participate in it. One of the main tasks you will get is to make sure the frienß caste say "Möchten Sie ein püpil im Güld werden?" to the right passing by German-speaking bruddas who have the talent needed for whatever secret stuff the Güild actually does. You also have the authority to make sure the lower castes perform all of their rituals and duties even though they haven't the slightest idea of what they are yet. To upgrade to the next even higher and more important caste you need to kill a mastodon with your bare hands during the spring equinox, if you're short a mastodon you can always contact some Japanese Scientists who will be more then happy to help you out.

[edit] Pöet

This cast is one category ahead of the singers, pöets wear red colored scarfs in Mainz, gold colored scarfs in Strasbourg, and black colored scarfs in Nuremberg. Now the job of the pöet is basically the same as the singer with two major exceptions, first you are able to be selected to reveal the nature of the Güild to n00b singers, and secondly you are allowed to circle passing tourists and throw very small rocks at them whilst you sing a poem about the glory of the Güild, and how they should contact the FRIENSS and join as quickly as possible, and how you won't stop throwing rocks unless they do, of your own composition.

[edit] Mästersinger

This cast is one catergory ahead of pöets, mästersingers wield red colored swords in Mainz, gold colored swords in Strasbourg, and black colored staple guns in Nuremberg, and plus they all get cool T-shirts. Now the term mästersinger, the highest caste of this secret society that everyone knows about, is often mistaken with mastersinger. A mastersinger, without the omipotent letter ä, simply means a senior member of the Güild, a senior member being defined as someone who isn't a n00b anymore. This mistake is often made even by those who pretty much know what they are doing, so type with caution! Now the duties and powers of a mästersinger are so secret we can't even accidentally allude to what they are, nor that they even exist at all!

[edit] Legacy

The Güild was renowned across the five continents for their ability, unlike famous rock stars, to compose and name their own songs. But they often based their melodies on those of the early Minnesingers, a club of chronically depressed schnitzel-eating German folk who have nothing to do with the Güild, except when they steal melodies from each other. They held contests at which prizes of money or poppy flowers were awarded for the best songs. Then something happened that changed the world even more then the invention of sliced bread, their rules of composition eventually became so strict and random that the songs lost all freshness and interest! The Güild's long tradition of singing whilst drinking ale then declined in importance and attendance during the year 1600 when Hans Sachs, Sultan of Austria, declared it illegal upon pain of death.

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