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- 4829 BC - Oedipus Rex kills his mother and marries his father.
- 10 - Hannibal crosses the Alps and eats his enemies.
- 875 - The first SAT test is administered.
- 876 - The first SAT prep academy is founded.
- 1664 - The FBI is founded.
- 1810 - FWAAC is outlawed.
- 1910 - George Bush does not get any pudding
- 1948 - Time Magazine's printing press malfunctions. Time pauses for 5 hours and 23 minutes.
- 1972 - Marylin Manson is born. He cries.
- 1975 - Humpty Dumpty falls off the Berlin Wall.
- 2006 - The Nike Revolution starts.
- 2007 - Veggies are outlawed.
- 2007 - Marylin Manson smiles, looks in the mirror and then cries again.
- 2014 - Your mom has an erection.
- 2940 - The first T-rex is spotted since Jurassic times.