Meat tenderizer
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“I love to beat my meat!”
~ Oscar Wilde on meat tenderizers
Contents |
[edit] History
Meat Tenderizers were invented in the mid 31st century after the 19th Nuclear World War which was thought to be caused by a monkey. The first recorded use of such meat tenderizer was when Chuck Norris used it to beat his own meat. He was hungry so he roundhouse kicked a solid block of metal and made a perfectly crafted meat tenderizer.
[edit] Famous People known for Beating their Meat
These are some of the many people Known for beating their meat as the title suggests.
1. Emeril Lagasse
2. George Foreman
3. Alton Brown
4. Pee-Wee Herman
4. All the other bastards on Food Network that no one cares about
[edit] Techniques
After basting it with a nice, wet lubricated marinade or other oil-based substance. Then, use your meat tenderizer (grip it firmly in either your right OR left hand) and beat your meat as hard as possible until its many juices come splurting out. Use its jagged edges to your advantage. Move it along until the formerly tough meat becomes tender or until you can't do it no more. This process makes your meat softer and easier to chew.
[edit] Substitutes for Meat Tenderizers
Sometimes, you need to beat your meat and there is just nothing around. On the contrary! These simple tools can be used in place of a meat tenderizer.
- Any Standard Hammer(not including MC Hammer or any other affiliations as such with the exception of, but not including, "STOP! HAMMERTIME!")
- A rolling pin
- You can even use your hands if your REALLY in need.
- Spork
