Meatloaf
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Meatloaf: The most ironic of all foods.
"What once was meat, for now, is loaf.
A cow turns into bread.
Musculature, may serve as toast.
The world. Turned on. Its head." ~Oscar Wilde's 1st poem. About meatloaf.
“Two out of three ain't bad”
~ Meatloaf on Its fame, singing ability, and taste
“I came,I saw,I canceled”
~ Meatloaf on his most recent tour
Contents |
[edit] The History of Meatloaf
Meatloaf was first invented by Weird Al Yankovic in 300 B.C. Meatloaf is based on the popular children's game Cranium. After cheese as a cure for poverty by crossing a snake with a giraffe. But Oscar Wilde had already cured poverty by inventing bean dip, so Al was stuck with giant pair of pants full of meatloaf (The pants were cheaper than a refrigerator).
Devastated, Al, decided to give his invention to the local tourist office. They loved it, but decided it was a bit too expensive for popular sales, so they made one minor modification to the recipe...
[edit] Singing career
Meatloaf is a famous singer, most noted for writing a billion albums with the words "bat" and "Hell" in the title. Most people think that this is a guy who calls himself meatloaf, but it's actually a giant singing slab of food.
Its singing abilities were advertised in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, along with its edibility (although the latter has since been debunked).
[edit] The New Recipe
Meatloaf is not actually made from cows. No, it is made of people who have turned into cows. (That is, meatloaf is either made out of members of the unfortunate cowated populace or one of the ever frightening Werecows).
Meatloaf production starts with throwing a man-cow into a giant blender and then spitting on it. Then they add the "secret ingredient" (dog blood, but don't tell them I told you), and the other "secret ingredient" (cat vomit, you can tell them I told you that.)
Then the slop is rocketed into the sun for four seconds (or until crispy) and then shipped back to earth by friendly aliens, who spit on the meatloaf some more to give it "flavor." Straying interstellar objects and bits of space rubble may gather around the hovering emulsion for added flavor.
Bill, the Meatloafman (of Olde Norse mythology) anxiously sits on top of a mountain, waiting to shape the incoming sludge into bricks. He does so, and the finished product is immediately packaged and shipped to various retailers, as always, by UPS. This is in fact how UPS got its start, as well as its now unmistakable company color. In UPS's early years, when it shipped exclusively meatloafs, the delivery trucks were actually designed to look exactly like meatloafs as a signal to other motorists to be more cautious, in hopes to prevent damage the meatloafs. A general public fondness of meatloaf became quickly apparent with the sharp decline of meatloaf delivery truck accidents. Since then a more commercial appearance has been adapted, but the brown color remains as a tribute to the company's beginnings. Sadly, meatloaf delivery truck accidents have now increase by 30% since the "loaftrucks" were decommissioned.
[edit] Meatloaf Land
There's a little Meatloaf Merry Go Round where you can go ride the little different Meatloafs and it would play Britney Spears music so you would think that you're in hell.
Of course, It would spin at a speed surpassing that of a centrifuge... If you aren't in hell when you get on, you probably will be after you fly off.
[edit] Success!
Most of Meatloafs success was in fact stolen from Jim Steinman who was the real talent in the band. Everybody, from Oscar Wilde and Humphrey Bogart to you then got addicted to meatloaf as if it were spam in the fifties. It has held the pedestal of Humanity's Fourteenth Favorite Food ever since.
[edit] See also
 | Chicken Soup for the Eyes |
| Awesomesauce | Baby food | Beer nuggets | Big N' Tasty | Boogers | Butter | Caviar | Cheese | Chicken 2 | Corn | Cornbread | Cornflakes | Hammus | French bikinis | Fried Chicken | Fudge | Goa Tse | Hairy tacos | Hot Dog | Krispy Kreme | Macaroni | Meatloaf | Mushrooms | Mangos | Paint stripper | Penis | Pills | Pudding | Orange sherbet | Rice Pudding | Rocky Mountain Oysters | Sauce | Spam | Taco Hell | Turd burgers |
