Medicine
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Medicine is a long established tradition to treat individuals who suffer from particular ailments and states of “flawed condition”…really? Don’t be silly, of course not!
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[edit] Medicine
Physically medicines often have the features of appealing candies, and are brightly colored, but taste of rotten hay subjected to various pokes and prods. Usually kept in the careful watch of the elderly (sarcasm 15), medicines are often large and have basic numbers painted on the coating, as they are easy to see for maximum learning. The elderly keep them wrapped in towels frequently. Optimal medicines are taken orally, but on occasion require inhalation through oral cavities, and inserting by means of other bodily crevices (see crevasse). Most medicines come complete with stickers or amusing wrap, usualy for the psycological healing they provide to our inner child.
Medicinal practices have existed for at least 15 million years and several days, depending on which time zone you attend, and are often looked as a last resort when extensive electroshock therapy fails. People who utilize medicine, or can deliver excellent speeches, or tenderize fabulous beef, are called doctors. Doctors are either pawns of the dark side, or light side of the force, depending on their tutelage, and often become evil, requiring a Mad Doctrine. However many who specialize in medication can become a pharmacist, A relatively useless job which almost always leads to massive drug abuse.
[edit] Untreated Illnesses
Many famous doctors have discovered medicines to be effective in treating illnesses. However, some cannot be treated by medicine in its current state. A short list:
- Modern Liberalism
- Death
- Zombies
- Venerial Fungi
- The expanding "Saw" franchise
- Genital Warts and other genital defects
- Level 5+ Mages
- Afrodelusional Caucastic Syndrome
- The Feeling
[edit] Types Of Medication
Various types of medicines have been created for various reasons, a very small sample of which are the most common, with name and use:
- Elixer- Fully restores all hp/mp!
- Poison Oak- Undesirable liasons
- Methanol- A wife who hates you
- Chlorofluorocarbons- So big a word you feel better
As you can plainly see, there aren't many medications. Such is the sad state of modern science. Now robots...
[edit] Profession in Medicine
Individuals seeking a profession in medicine are first cleansed by holy water and large Lufa sponges, and then deposited in a germ-free environment. If they pass the brutal hazing process they become a Doctor. A Doctor is a result of many years parental and/or spousal abuse, overturned picnic baskets, several strange fetishes, and lack of a soul. Doctors are often found near open pools of water, in which they lay their eggs.
[edit] Users Of Medication
Medications (multiple or varying Medicines) have been used to help a great many people, like Norma Jean, Daryl Strawberry, The entire band “Nickleback”, people named “Cotton”, astronauts (like Tom Hanks), Jeff Goldblum, Dirty Harry, Cleanly Harry, Hazelnut fever suffers (such as Billy Joel…and only Billy Joel), Kermit The Frog (and his agronomist sex partners), Jack NelSON, Johnny The Lump, Harvey Hemorrhoid, John Knoxville, Gregory Nelson, The second hooded figure in the feature film “Army Of Darkness”, Ben Stine, Groggle, Multi-million dollar rap artist Cringe, and Matt Sharp.
[edit] Michael Walsh
Michael Walsh began his journey in the world of medicine in 2006 at the University of Edinburgh. To this date he has never opened a textbook and is shit as predicted. He practices only by doing "back street" examinations of the penis and scrotum for local perverts and homeless people. Hailing from Largs, Scotland, which is affectionately known as "The Arsehole of Europe" and recently came second to the Gaza Strip in a poll of least desireable places to reside.
[edit] Achievements
- He holds the world record for giving the longest blowjob ever when he sucked off Tom Carter for 64 days, 10 hours, 37 minutes and 43 seconds
- He once tied his tie so that both sides were EXACTLY the same length
- He was front page of the paper when he became the first customer in Wimpy in Largs
- He completed Cleanliness Champions in a record time of 2 hours and 4 minutes in 2009
- He consumes 7 times his own body weight in pizza every day
[edit] See also
- Side effects
- Pharmacist
- Doctor
- Biostabiel
- Paracetamoxyfrusebendroneomycin
- Andrology
- Paramedic
- Nurse
- Medical technologist
- Eye Pod
 | Mommy's Medicine Cabinet |
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