Mega Man XXX

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Background[edit]

Mega Man XXX, known in Japan as Rockman Super Porn XXX (Rockmanの極度のポルノグラフィーXXX ), is the first of a series of 69 games based on Mega Man's time in the porno industry. It was made for the SNESSIE, a Nintendo console made from a gigantic Loch Ness Monster and was released in 1993, back when people thought the Backstreet Boys could actually sing. The game was remade in 2006 as Mega Man Hemorrhoid Hunter XXX (STD Hunter XXX in Japan) for the PSP.

Story[edit]

There is none. I mean, it's porno, for crying out loud! When have you known Porn Films or Porn games to have decent stories? Just be thankful it's a Super Nintendo game and therefore doesn't have any voice acting, otherwise you'd be tearing your ears off your head.

Characters[edit]

Mega Man XXX[edit]

Main article: Mega Man

An upgraded version of Mega Man with a body that is far more mature than the original version. Unfortunately, Mega Man XXX still looks... FAR TOO YOUNG! What is wrong with you, Capcom? Don't you know that underaged sex is bad?

Zero[edit]

A complete nobody created by Dr. Wily. He was much gayer than Mega Man XXX and far less experienced in the art of robot loving. His long hair was supposed to be cool, but it was actually a testament of his desire to become a girl. Later on in the series, he gets some booblights and a sex change.

Axl[edit]

An obnoxious and egotistic asshole who thinks that having guns makes him Over 9000 times better than anyone else in the game.

Sigma[edit]

I don't know... Some bald guy. Maybe, he's a supervillain. All supervillains are bald, said to be Popeye's indirect cousin or M. Bison's bastard son.[Citation not needed at all; thank you very much].

Gameplay[edit]

Despite this game being based on Mega Man's career as a pornstar, it follows the exact same format as every single other damned Mega Man

Once again, players control Mega Man XXX, a robot that's too stupid to duck and guide him through eight huge maze-with-lots-o'-spikes-and-bad-guys-that-attack-you-just-because-it's-funny-looking place, where he would face a robot pornstar that runs on the infamous porn industry standard, IOGSMEWMMXXXA System (I Only Get My Shmexing Energy When Mega Man XXX Arrives). The spikes, of course, were replaced by dildos, but even so, Mega Man XXX cannot touch them without dying, thus making him the worst porno actor in the known Universe.

Boss battles in the game once again involve Mega Man XXX "shooting his cannon" at the robot pornstars, so that they would "explode". This is actually not as dirty as it sounds, as Mega Man XXX doesn't understand the concept of sex at all, and has orgy confused with mass-killing orgy.

The PC version[edit]

After the Super Nintendo version was released in 19XX, Capcom had the game ported for the politically correct in 19XX. The port was in a place called Rozner Labs, and was also responsible for shipping Super Street Fighter II in 19XX. The politically correct version, however, was different from its Super NES counterpart. Many of the differences include, but are not limited to:

  • Less porn, despite the games having no porn whatsoever.
  • Violence levels stay absolutely the same, because violence is okay but nudity isn't.
  • About half the game is censored and consists of nothing but a censor screen.

Mega Man Hemorrhoid Hunter XXX[edit]

Mega Man Hemorrhoid Hunter XXX (or STD Hunter XXX in Japan) is an enhanced remake of Capcom's 1993 franchise debut of Mega Man XXX.

Major differences[edit]

The differences between the original title and this version include:

  • 3D graphics
  • A half-decent script and backstory.
  • Decent voice acting for the characters, something which made Hell freeze over.
  • A porno OVA titled, "The Day of Sigma".
  • Anime FMV porno sequences.
  • The ability to play as a homosexual Mega Man XXX, which includes over 40 new fetishes, new music which still sounds absolutely dire, slightly adjusted stage layouts, and re-worked "enemy placement".
  • Changed location of Ecstasy capsules.
  • Rearranged areas and bosses in some stages, most notably a certain boss fight in Sigma's Fortress.
  • A one level demo of Mega Man Diet Max is also included in this game, containing Circumcised Man's level. (Also Flaming Man's level can be obtained through game sharing.)
  • Some boss characters have been redesigned. Some have minor touch-ups such as Chill Penguin, while others like Launch Octopus and Sting Chameleon have been redesigned to include more tentacle-based fun.

See also[edit]

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Mega Man X.