Mega Man

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Mega Man was deemed gimmicky enough to be made into a movie starring Vin Diesel (for something you won't go see anyway even if it was really out).



Mega Man (also called Rock Man, he acquired this name the day he broke his "Wang" and got it replaced by diamond, also because he is a rocker) was once a Japanese midget named Keiji Inafune. In 1,000,000,000,000 BC, at the age of 10,000, he turned himself into a sex machine to fight the creations of the evil Dr. Wily Wang. He fought the for everlasting sex until April 1, 2000, then got married with Bass and had three kids. He's blue and has a cannon on his hand, which he uses to plagiarize other people's work after shooting them.

Mega Man's repetitive fighting career[edit]

Mega Man fought Dr. Wily and his world conquests over 1,587,984,564 individual times. Dr. Wily, despite being a robotic genius, keeps on making machines that can't even resist his own creations, causing him to fail against Megaman time after time. And for some reason he doesn't even accept that Bass is the strongest robot (except for Zero), despite him never being destroyed any of the times that he fought Megaman, thus his powers were never absorbed to be used against him. Also, he's very unoriginal and can never think of different robots, Also basing them off of each other. In other words, they all have gimmicks.

Examples:

Ones that their attack totally effect entire scene

  • Flash Man
  • Fat Light-Bulb Man (They called me Bright Man , Though i'm not so smart.)
  • Even more Fat! Toad man! (care to dance?)
  • Centaur man (You know...me can flash too!)
  • Inventor man-The light bulb man wasn't an invention that failed 1000 times, it was an invention with 100 steps. Totally.

Ones that cause enemies go cold...

  • Ice Man (Not in X-Men; also known as Popo, from Ice Climber)
  • Frost Man (Village idiot)
  • Cold Man
  • Cool Man!
  • Freeze Man
  • Blizzard Man
  • Arthas Man (Frostmourn Hunger!)
  • Stone cold man

Ones that cause enemies in heat!

  • Fire Man
  • Fira Man
  • Firaga Man
  • Flame Man (What different?)
  • Heat Man (Sponsored by Zippo)
  • Lava man-not to be confused with Lava girl.(see below)
  • Lava woman-not to be confused with lava man(see above)
  • Lukewarm Man
  • Room temperature man
  • Kinda warm but also kinda cold man

Ones that have boomerang-like weapon

  • Cut (it) Man , I don't want to talk about it
  • Quick Man! , I'm in hurry
  • Knight Man
  • Paladin Man
  • Lawful Good Man

Ones that ...somehow relate to water

  • Bubble Man
  • Soap Man
  • Invade everyone's personal bubble man
  • Shampoo Man
  • Dive Man
  • Swim Man
  • Wave Man
  • Flood Man
  • El-nino Man
  • El Nina man
  • Urine Man

Ones that is...So STRONG!

  • Guts Man (Dr. Wahwee's BFF)
  • Hard Man
  • Heavy Man
  • Brütal Man
  • Stoner Man
  • Iron man
  • Manly Man
  • Boner Man (do you have a boner? I do!)


Ones that ASPLODE! Oh noes!

  • Bomberman
  • Screw man/screw you man(drill man's prototype)
  • Drill Man
  • Grenade Man
  • C4 Man
  • Jihad Man

Ones that SHOCK!

  • Michael Jackson Man
  • Elec Man
  • Election Man
  • Erect Man
  • Spark Man
  • Elecrtician from the village people man
  • Tesla Man
  • Zeus Man
  • Elton John man
  • OMGWTF WAS THAT man

Ones that is weird...just weird

  • Top Man
  • Bottom Man
  • What man
  • Pharoah Man
  • Yu-gi-oh Man
  • Charge Man (But indeed he look like Toilet Man)
  • Slash man
  • Axl Man
  • Guns 'n' Roses Man
  • Plant Man
  • Weed Man
  • Erected Man
  • False Man

Uncatelogized

  • Person Man
  • Particle Man
  • Triangle Man
  • Universe man
  • Ladies Man
  • Pac-Man
  • Wo-man
  • Business Man
  • Milk-Man
  • post-man
  • mail-man
  • bat-man
  • baseball-bat-man
  • Phantom of the opera man

just plain retarded

  • human torch man
  • mooshoo guy man
  • tub-o-lard man
  • billy & man
  • that one guy man
  • turd faced man
  • negaman
  • bill cosby

Lawsuit Controversy[edit]

The reason Capcom's latest game in the series is taking such an incredibly long time to release is because Capcom is still fighting lawsuits on copyright infringement for their most recent picks of new robots.

Mega Man in 2007, aged 30.

And to a certain extent, because of the introduction with hermaphrodites, females, transexuals, and so forth, Capcom also faces lawsuits for their new robots:

Inside The Gimmick Masters[edit]

Although they were programmed for waiting forever inside a room at the end of some maze-with-lots-o'-spikes-and-bad-guys-that-attack-you-just-because-it's-funny-looking place until Mega Man or someone that looks like him enters the room, Gimmick Masters are masterpieces from Dr. Wily.

To understand this obvious fact, that a lot of organizations around the world are trying to hide, we must take a look inside their unique features:

IOGMEWMMA System[edit]

The IOGMEWMMA System (I Only Get My Energy When Mega Man Arrives) only could be created by a brilliant brain like Dr. Wily.

Linked with an advanced psychic flavored wireless device to a sensor installed in the main door, the IOGMEWMMA System only gave the Gimmick Master energy when Mega Man (or someone that looks like him) entered the final room that they were assigned to. After that, only in a few long seconds, the Gimmick Master was ready to work.

This useful device, blocked any attempt of distraction from the robot. It's known that Gimmick Masters love to play long hands of Mahjong, and they enjoy a nice walk under the sun, drinking something.

The only weak point in this master device, is in the fact, that if Mega Man attacks while the Gimmick Master is loading its energy, or if Mega Man enters through a different place, the Gimmick Master becomes a pile of junk metal.

But, Dr. Wily was the only one with a mind able to fix this flaw. He knew that everybody loves maze-with-lots-o'-spikes-and-bad-guys-that-attack-you-just-because-it's-funny-looking places, and putting them before the doors, was just another of his genius ideas.

Dr. Wily's "Man" system[edit]

Also a favorite add-on to the Gimmick Masters was putting only man in their names. This was Dr. Wily's way of making all females consider all men sexist and refuse to give any to their male mate. Therefore making all males incredibly miserable and forcing them to go under his control. What he didn't count on was the fact that the inventors combating him(Including Dr. Light) were lazy slobs and couldn't get any in the first place. So they were virtually unaltered by Dr. Wily's nefarious scheme. Nowadays, there is a "Splash Woman" around, but do not let this confuse you, in fact this Gimmick Master is truly called "Splashwo Man" and is obviously a shemale. This has been disputed by scientists as they have always questioned both the sexualities of both Dr. Light and Dr. Wily. After all, they were together during their college years.

Lack of teleporter skill[edit]

Also highly noticeable is the horrible aim when trying to get Mega Man at a Gimmick Masters lair. Dr. Light blames this on the Gimmick Masters owning a teleporter block but it all comes down to Dr. Light's incompetence. As Mega Man simply evoking the issue makes the Professor rambling, whining, bickering, nagging and swearing every darn time (about how Mega Man is an ingrate being, yadda yadda), he does not have any choice but to take the long road (including mazes with lots-o'-spikes and all... You must know the drill by now). Hopefully for Dr. Light and his idea of tough love, Mega Man somehow finds items outside the Gimmick Masters base to aid him in his fight against Dr. Wily.

Degradation[edit]

In 1987, the name for the ice gimmick was "Ice Man", by 1995 it had degraded into "Freeze Man" and by 1998 it was simply "Cold Man". In the end, he became "It's Slightly Nippy In Here" Man and did nothing but moan about global warming issues.

Protoman[edit]

Megaman's brother Protoman was created by the greatest crack team of the 80's with Mr. T as the head scientist with his degree in Macross and Transformer mechanics. But after a classified muffin incident, Mr. T resigned and Doc (from Back to the Future) and M.C. Hammer took over in his place. Protoman sports a hippie destroying cannon, a shield known as "The Shield of Coolness", and a fashionable magic yellow scarf which was designed to appear as if blown backwards by the wind no matter where he is facing or if there's any wind at all. (Protoman also had the Sword of Omens but lost it in a fight with the king of hobos). If a mere mortal were to attempt to attack Protoman, he would seranade the attacker with his trademark wistle...promptly before using the proto-buster for a "plasma colonectomy."

Bass[edit]

Later in Mega Man's career, a new robot called Bass was introduced. Bass was named after the fact that Mega Man frequently went on fishing trips on government time. He had an inexplicable obsession with killing Mega Man and was far more efficient than any of the Gimmick Masters, despite always losing, because Megaman never managed to steal his cookies. Megaman was secretly attracted to Bass and wanted Bass to be his (Boy)friend.

Bass is a robotic mutant. This created the giant "fin" tumors on both sides of his head and gave him purple markings on his face. By the time of the Internet wars (see below), he was forced to wear a cloak because of the temperature related effects of the mutation.

This was quickly forgotten by the Smiting community (see below), who turned Bass into Mega Man's friend, and also made him a lot stupider than Mega Man. Bass is known as Forte (pronounced Four-tee - Capcom decided to spell out the number to show a link with Zero, another robot named after a number) in Japan.

BRush[edit]

During Wily's 3rd attack, a dog robot known as 'Cocaine' Rush was introduced (the surfacing rumors that Mega Man's dog was named after the Canadian band Rush are COMPLETELY TRUE). At first he was only able to help Mega Man by producing a mail order trampoline for Mega Man to jump on and complaining about liberals. Later he becomes capable of transforming into a rocket, a submarine, a Delorean, and eventually, by the 7th Wily attack, is able to perform his best and final transformation. Known as the "Rush Three piece crappy albums," the dog jumps on Mega Man's back, and he and Mega Man become as one, which allows them to fly. Unfortunately, Rush can't get it up. The STD OF ###### SONGS danger from doing this was so high that by the eighth attack the function was removed and Rush was neutered.

Items[edit]

E-tanks[edit]

Rather than have to worry about supplying each foe with a balanced array of attacks, the makers of the Mega Man games eventually decided to implement a useful item known as an E-Tank, so called because each one is filled to the brim with the drug, Ecstasy. The E-Tank remains in the odd area known as the Adventurer's Pocket (so named for the amount of space within it, which contradicts the outside area) until Mega Man has been kicked around enough to require one. He then pops it open and quaffs it, which restores all of his life. There were two main responses to this: one being from skilled gamers who considered the addition superfluous, and novice gamers who were ecstatic with glee at finally being able to defeat the miniboss, only to get hickory-smoked by the boss.

M-tanks[edit]

Added in recent Mega Man games are M-Tanks containing Meth. This gives players who want to go trigger happy a second chance at beating the level. Not that it matters because even that isn't enough for novices or those who fall on hard spikes.

Bob and George[edit]

In April 2000 he was abducted by the evil David Anez and had his brain removed. Shortly afterward, he met Bob and George for the first time, upon which he invented Smites and comics (see below).

Eventually, Mega Man tired of being dismally stupid. He wanted a new brain, but could not afford one, so he started working in the porn industry, and became quite skilled with the pornograph. During this time, he was nicknamed "Mega Man XXX" (later shortened to just Mega Man X) due to the nature of his creations.

When Mega Man saved up enough money to buy a brain, he went to his local body part store. Sadly, he was still quite stupid at the time, and accidentally bought a legend instead. This happened sixteen times.

Mega Man's new brain, once he finally got one, turned out to be incompatible with the space in his name. As a result he was forced to seek an upgrade patch on the Internet. This led him directly into a large flame war. MegaMan fought in many network flame battles, defeating Dr. Wily as well as the New Testament and a large nebula. Along the way he met Kernel386.DLL, who began cutting him in half from time to time.

Once MegaMan applied his upgrade patch, he became Mega Man once more. Now that their lives were problem-free, he and Zero were free to pursue their relationship. They were married in 2002. Today they live in Neo Arcadia with their four children, Harpuia, Fefnir, Leviathan, and the idea of their dead child Phantom.

Japanese Name Confusion[edit]

In Japan he is known as "Elvis: the King of Rock," and when fighting is known as "Rock n' Roll man". The reason the Japanese call him this is so complex that it cannot be translated into English. Bass is also known as Mechadestoroyah. There is no "reverb" character as of yet.

In addition, due to the difficulties of translation, Dr. Light has been referred to by the following names:

  • Dr.Dumbass
  • Lord Obama
  • Dr.Doolitle
  • Dr.Tran
  • Dr. Heavy
  • Dr. Wily
  • Dr. Wahwee
  • Dr. Partially Correct
  • Dr. Left
  • Dr. Liberal
  • Dr. WLiberal
  • Dr. Wright
  • Dr. Wleft
  • Dr. Wrong
  • Dr. Pepper
  • Dr. Mario
  • Dr. Tran
  • Dr.Pastramionrye

FUN FACT: Dr. Tenma has tried to sue Dr. Light on many occasions, claiming that Mega Man is a rip-off of Astro Boy. However, he has yet to win a case.

Smiting Community[edit]

During his adventures with Bob and George, he and all his friends were cloned an infinite number of times. These clones were made available to the general public via the Webernet, and have been mercilessly manipulated since. The people who do this strange and ancient ritual are called Smiters, and the clones are named Smites, not to be confused with "Sprite" which is a soft drink and nothing else.

Among this community, only the advanced Smiters have the ability to recolor different parts of the smite. Changing the smite too much to make it look better is generally frowned upon. Recolors are the best, frankensteins are good, edits are bad, and scratch smites are terrible. Most of these Smiters use MS Word for making these changes, though it is recommended to upgrade to Clarisworks.

Cartoon apperances[edit]

In order to make more money, Mega Man agreed to star in two cartoon series: "Captain Nintendo and a bunch of Product Placement guys" and "Mega Man: The Animated (not to be confused with anime) Series".

During the filming of Captain Nintendo, Mega Man took up smoking, which severely stunted his growth to the point of actually shrinking him and turning him green. During this time, he also disowned his creator Dr. Light and hooked up with a crack-job called "Doc" Wright. "Doc" Wright was a little troll that had read a few science magazines a few times, but he was still skilled enough to know how to create a robot love slave, "Megagirl," for Mega Man.

The Mega Man cartoon was constantly interrupted by Mega Man's frequent drug use, particularly steroids, and the less said about it the better.

Drug abuse[edit]

Mega Man was an avid addict of spray paint as well as magnets. Mega Man went into rehab in 1945 but was cured entirely about five minutes later. To this day Mega Man hasn't abused spray paint but has grown an addiction to eraser crumbs and used toilet paper.

Mega Man also "got high" when he couldn't help but dance like a professional ballerina when he used Top Man's (Dr. Wily hesitated to call him Twist Man, by the way) "power". However, much to the dismay of our evil scientist, this effect was only temporary (it is rumored that Mega Man got rid of that "ability" by transferring it to the cursed Deku Mask in a way or another) and Mega Man could once again kick his rear and save the world.

Day of Sigma[edit]

This day is celebrated to remember when a bald guy decided to go mad against the world. Sigma was not a bad guy at first, but after a collision with Zero (night at the hotel, yada-yada, y'know how that happens), Sigma got Zero's hemorrhoids. Sigma swore to kill Zero, her husband Mega Man X, and the rest of the world with his henchman Boba Fett by his side.

But then, all kind of robots where infected with hemorrhoids, and they gathered against the ones without hemorrhoids, under the leadership of Sigma.

Later on, Megaman, Zero, The Green Biker Dude, Spiderman, a grue, and 2 mechanical giraffes started a group called "Hemorrhoids Hunters" to stop this Hemorrhoids madness.

Megaman X: Common Mission[edit]

Megaman X: Common Mission--titled such because that's what it really is in truth--is a spin-off of the original series (oh god, not another), but this one is an RPG! It features the most in-depth story line of the entire series because the characters actually talk using more than 6 words at a time for once, along with the best voice acting ever. The game features an entire cast of brand new characters and villains, all of which will make you happy (The best damn voice acting ever, Seriously.) Btw, the plot twists are exactly the same as Megaman ZX (both), and the villains have the same ####### motives, too! (Capcom must be losing it's creativity in writing--oh, wait, it never had any)

Weaknesses[edit]

Mega Man can withstand powerful plasma blasts, rocket-powered drills, falling leaves, and the bitter disappointment of his creator, but he cannot survive any encounter with spikes. It has been recorded that robots hate spikes. Should Mega Man even touch the non-pointy side of a spike, it results in his immediate dispatch. For this reason, Dr. Wily places a great deal of spikes around the areas that he expects Mega Man to travel, in the hopes that Mega Man might accidentally jump into one, or perhaps even fall on one. As of yet, it has been undetermined why Dr. Wily doesn't just put spikes everywhere, but instead leaves convenient spike-free areas for Mega Man to traverse. The best explanation so far is Alcohol. Oddly enough, sometime in-between combat with Gimmick Masters, they throw spikes at Megaman but it only does a few bars of damage. A few theories say that he may not be vulnerable to spikes at all. It may just be that he has hay fever and cannot touch the dirt on the spikes. How a robot has hay fever, has yet to be explained. It also has been speculated that Mega Man has sensitive feet.

Dr. Wily also discovered that mixing some weird liquid that some fool named Grady gave him, with green tomato powder results in an incredibly effective poison against Mega Man.

Sadly, he can only make enough to coat his robots, and he never was able to make something like a fire truck loaded with this magical liquid to put an end to that blue #######.

For some odd reason, Mega Man was vulnerable but didn't die when in contact with spikes in the first Mega Man X. But as he started to enjoy this new ability, Dr. Cain considered to make him die when in contact again for the second adventure.

Also the fact that Mega Man cannot duck has made his journeys quite annoying. Dr. Light, feeling bad for Mega Man, gave him the ability to slide. This slide became known as the gay-slide-that-is-pwnt-by-ducking. Dr. Cain being less fat and lazy installed a ducking ability in Megaman X which was introduced in X5.

Mega Man may be paranoid at times also. Each time he sees an UFO, he thinks Dr. Wily is inside. That may explain why Duo (Another huge buddy Mega Man wanted as a friend without even being cautious) came to him, to show him that certain aliens "come in peace" and that destroying their spaceships is wrong.

Games[edit]

Mega Man has had thousands of games, all of them being the same thing all the time, except for Faggot Kombat: Starring Bass, which owns.

  • Mega Man Classic (1-398)
  • Mega Man Game Boy/Game Girl (1-241.8)
  • Mega Man Diet (for those fatsos who cannot normally just jump and shoot) (1-200)
  • Mega Man X (1-381)
  • Mega Man Xtreme (1-145)
  • Mega Man XXX (1-69)
  • Mega Man Zero (1-353)
  • Mega X XZZXZXZ : 20XXX XZZP (-43-458)
  • Mega Man Diet Zero (1-500)
  • Mega Man: Rise of Robocop 2 ( Mega man wasn't in part 1)
  • Mega Man ZX (1-12)
  • Mega Man ZX Advent
  • Mega Man ZX Lent
  • Mega Man YYZ rush edition
  • Mega Man XYZZY (1-36)
  • Mega Man XY/XX (1-45)
  • Mega Man ~XoXoXoX~ (Porn Version) (1-1)
  • Mega Man Legends, Rise of (1-27)
  • Mega Man Illegal Network (1-360)
  • Various clones of the Classic series (1-789)
  • Clones with the names changed from 'Mega Man' to 'Rock Man' (1-861)
  • Ports with crappier sound and graphics (1-921)
  • Spin-offs (364)
  • Spin on's (a lot)
  • Megaman: Dr. Wily Does it Himself
  • Mario Party
  • Mario Gay-Party
  • Mario College-Party
  • Mario`s Fuckfest
  • Mario`s Fuckfest 2 "Midgets included"
  • Spiderman:MegaMan Joins the Team
  • Megaman QTπ (A dating sim aimed at the 12-14 year old girls' market)
  • Megaman: ####, i can't ####### believe that there are so many ####### instant death spikes. #### man
  • Mega Man 2 The Sequel

Collections[edit]

  • Keaton Mega Man Compiled of previous original mega man games chosen by ugly camel Diane Keaton
  • Megaman Collection
  • Megaman Anniversary Edition
  • Megaman X Collection(Includes secret bonus game Mega Man XXX, which can only be unlocked by beating Megaman X, X2,X2½, X3,X331/3, and entering the cheat code "Cold Coffee")

Mega Man and Friends Released, Characters include Spider-Man, Master Chief and Bill Clinton

See also[edit]

Bouncywikilogo4.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia have an article about Mega Man.
                             Ancient Gods of the Greek Mythology
                              (also known as the FSM family)
 
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       |   |    |                                                  |
Godzilla  Amy  Girly                               ...and we all know what happened then