Meningitis
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Meningitis is a former pro-wrestler who was released for violating the WWE's "no in-ring assturbation" policy in a match against Daddy's Gooh. After a brief stint in rival promotion TNA[1], Meningitis was released into the outside world and now finds work as a medical guinea pig and/or household pet. He holds 2 records in the WWE: biggest bulge[2], and most superstars killed, fucked and eaten.
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[edit] Origin
Meningitis was born in a nuclear power plant in 1999, his father was a Satanic Priest and his mother was a Kwanzaa enthusiast with Elephantitis. The child was born the size of a fully grown man, and was abandoned at a medical waste dump in 2000. As he grew up, his speech and thought funcions were impeded by several tumors in his face and neck area. At the age of 3, he was tossed face first into a pungee pit of syringes filled with silicon. The result of these incidents brought on his current appearance.
[edit] Characteristics
Meningitis wears a green plaid pullover hoodie, short wrestling tights and green rubber boots. His hands weigh 14 pounds each and have a larger span than an Arctic spotted owl. Meningitis stands at 7'5 , weighs 500 pounds (with 1% body fat) and wears size 48 1/2 boots. He never grew any hair on any place on his body, with he exception of his gooch, which developed a flowing blond mane.
Psichiatrists have determined that Meningitis is unable to speak any words other than "Sardines" and "Gooch". In 2002, a team of Swedish scientists underwent an exhausting 7 week study of his psyche. By the end, all 12 psichiatrists had killed themsleves, and eventually been fucked and eaten by Meningitis.
[edit] Life and career
At the age of 4, Meningitis married Hepatitis, a socialist author from San Francisco. Within 4 hours he had killed, fucked, eaten, shit out, fucked and eaten the bride (in that order). When questioned by the authorities, Meningitis stated "Sardines, Guuch Sardines."
Meningitis was recruited by the WWE in 2004, mostly for his unimaginable volume. He started out on a tag team with Gooh's Daddy, striking up a rivalry with the Carmlestlor and Daddy's Gooh. He was then involved in a kayfabe romance with diva Chrity Hemme, but ended up killing, fucking, and eating her during a rehearsal. He began using her entrance song, which became his signature.
Later in his career he was approached by Lerald T. Hornbeck, a successful cereal entrepeuner who was looking to name his flavourless new breakfast treat "Meningacocol-o's". Upon review Meningitis shouted gooch and tossed Hornbeck sphincter-first into a vat of molten boron. The cereal was changed to Goochy-o's then deteriorated from Geechy-o's to Cheechy-o's and eventually took on the name we know it as today, Cheerios.
Meningitis is also a successful ghost writer for many popular musicians. He has been credited for writing classic songs like "Desperado", "Let It Be" and of course "American Pie".
[edit] Footnotes
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