Merv Dillon

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search

Mervin "Merv" Dillon is a young Carribbean cricketer plying his trade in England. He is most known for his laid back attitude and monotonous accuracy.

Early Life[edit]

Merv suffers from "Jerk Chicken belly" in a match v. Stock CC

Merv was born on the Carribbean island of Trinidad. He was actually born white, but he has gradually got darker due to a rare genetic disorder. Icantbelieveitsnotitis has had only 4 recorded cases in the past 8000 years, and is essentially a disease where the carrier will go one shade darker on the Dulux chart everytime they eat a sandwich with butter in. Despite this, young Merv began school with his peers, and quickly found religion. As a teenager, he was very secular to a point where he often refused to speak to anyone for weeks on end. On departing school, he continued along the path of religion and joined a monastery. Despite his dedication to religion, this proved to be a disaster. After just 8 months, the monks threw him out for being too quiet. Monk Friar Tuck said at the time that he "took the piss" with his vow of silence. This led to Merv fleeing to England to find his fortune.

Life in England[edit]

On arriving in England, Merv decided that he would try to find a cultural English way of making his fortune. Having failed miserably at tea-making and queuing, he met Beaker Lewis John Adams, a man who would have a profound influence on his life. Beaker played for local side Bentley CC, who needed a fast and nasty bowler. With his Carribbean roots, Merv was soon snapped up on a lucrative contract. While it turned out he was actually slow and meek, Merv was soon dumbfounding batsmen around the county with his wily line and length bowling. While his batting remained in the "comedy" category, his sheer weight of maidens meant that he fulfilled his contract. This was only stunted when he was attacked and maimed by fellow first team bowler, Steve Black. However, Merv returned stronger, and Black suffered the ignomy of being relegated to number 11 in the order.

Personal Life[edit]

Despite marrying the mother of a close friend at a young age, he and Beaker are now a couple.

Conclusive proof that lovers eventually start to look like each other