Metal Gear

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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Metal Gear.

What is a Metal Gear[edit]

a Metal gear is generally a bipedal tank, more akin to a robot with the ability to fire nuclear missiles or WMDs. There are a few variations on this basic design, with earlier versions having tank tracks rather than legs, and later versions not being fitted with nuclear missiles. All designs have been proven unreliable at best, as they have nearly all been destroyed by just one man: Snake Solid.

Uses and Applications[edit]

Metal gears are primarily used by Terrorists to threaten America, thus justifying the popular American pastime of "saving the world". America's long running failure to prevent terrorists obtaining the world's most advanced weaponry has been equaled by its uncanny ability to defuse the situation in the nick of time. The theory of 'nuclear deterrent' has been almost completely dwarfed by the significantly superior abilities of a Metal Gear over conventional Nuclear missile programs. Recent incidents involving the use of Metal Gears have pushed these 'secret weapons' very much into the spot light when the developmental stage MG known as 'Arsenal Gear' crashed into Manhattan Island causing considerable damage to buildings and parked cars. Fortunatley no one was hurt during this incident.

The Genesis[edit]

We now know that the evil terrorist Big Boss was infact sent to destroy the original metal gear 'Shagohod' in russia during the cold war. during this mission it is believed he acquired the plans for a more advanced version of this tank, which would revolutionize warfare from the end of the cold war to present day.


This is what Big Boss scribbled on a napkin while taking on an army of supermen.

"I always wanted a pet bipedal walking nuclear-equipped tank" said Big Boss as he put the

However, this is all Outer Heaven's scientist's produced.

finishing touches on Metal Gear. To test his new invention Big Boss brought his new pet to Outer Heaven to pit the machine against his son/clone Solid Snake.

After tremendous amounts of ass-kickery Solid Snake made it to Metal Gear. TX-55 let out a deafening mechanical howl that made all of the guards in the nearby area crap their pants. Big Boss forgot to activate Metal Gear's defense mode and so all Solid Snake had to do was place some explosives at TX-55's feet.

The mere fact Big Boss made an error caused a ripple in the fabric of time/space and made himself turn evil, or he just got really pissed off no one knows for sure. Solid Snake found out Big Boss

Snake really fucked it up.

was behind all of this and engaged him in an epic battle. To fully describe the events of this battle would make a persons head explode from the vast amounts of concentrated awesome that would bombard you. Then your head would be regenerated from the pure awesome and promptly explode again, however we know it ended with Solid Snake throwing a George Foreman Grill at Big Boss. Wich sorta counts as beating him.

Off to Zanzibar Land![edit]

See Also[edit]

  • Snake Solid - he liek blow up metal gear 4 teh lulz
  • Solidus Snake - like solid snake, but solidus (which isn't a word)
  • Liquid Snake - likes to pretend to be david hasselhoff, also is sercertly in love with snake and can not read.
  • Psycho Mantis - an ex-clown, fired for child molestation and floating in public. also enjoys long walks on the beach and girls wearing gas masks ...JUST gas masks.