Metal Slug
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Metal Slug is a series of highly unpopular 4-D video games created by Japanese Sadists (company) SNK for the four arcades that still exist after the second coming of Jesus. The games are based on the highly acclaimed Adventures of Cthulhu and Friends series of fantasy novels by J.R.R. Tolkien, with a staggering total of three references throughout the series. There are six games in the main series, each with creative titles such as Metal Slug and Metal Slug 5. Outside of the main series, other games such as the adult-oriented Metal Slug: 1st Emission were produced for the Game Boy 2. The lack of screen, however, made the games unpopular among all but the most devoted fantards. All four of them.
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[edit] Gameplay
The goal of the game is deceptively simple: Die as often as possible and put more quarters in the arcade. As such, it is only played by extremely rich white kids with too damn much free time. Player characters are given a wide range of weapons, but no one really cares since they only come with one round each, so the player is forced to use the water gun for 99.9998% of all gameplay. The designers of the game made a point to keep gameplay as simple as possible, so they minimized the number of buttons used. As such, only 137 buttons are used, as opposed to typical video games that use upwards of a bajillion buttons.
[edit] Story
The series takes place during World War VI, on the small landlocked island of Mexico. Fidel Castro and his army of Nazis, in association with Satan and the Martians began an assault on the George Dubya Bush National Library. Infuriated that Fidel destroyed their largest pornography stash, America counter-attacked in full force with an army of four troops. With this overwhelming show of force, Satan left the Axis of Weevil and Fidel quickly surrendered, waving his boxer shorts on a stick. For this he was promptly killed by rabid Christian fundamentalists for warping their children's minds with such disgusting imagery. (Boxer shorts, honestly! Those smut mongers.) But it's okay, he got wished back by the Martians and their magic Dragon Testicles.
That's pretty much it. The story is the same in each game, but no one gives a shit, since they can only play once before they are too poor to ever play the next one.
[edit] Characters
[edit] Marco Rossi
A former Italian porn star and plumber, he joined the military with hopes of scoring major boobage. However, he realized all too late that men do not have breasts (at least not the large bouncy ones) and since only men join the military, he was pretty much boned... Literally. Unfortunately, he was already sent out on a suicide mission against the Nazis and Castro, so he couldn't in good conscience leave. Not until he got some from Fio.
[edit] Tarma Roving
Manly-Man extraordinaire and Gundam pilot, he was tricked into joining the military by that damn cat. His sunglasses apparently conceal his super laser eye-beams, which he has only been forced to use once against the Martians. He never used it again, since he was about to run out of ammunition, and if he ever runs out, he would go blind. He continues to fight in the military to get more ammo for his laser eyes. As of Metal Slug 15 he has yet to find this ammo.
[edit] Fio Germani
A young Italian nerdette with a gun and glasses. Because she appears to be about 12 years old and wears oversized glasses, she is every anime fanboy's sexual fantasy. Despite the fact that she did not even exist until the second game and plays no more important a role in the "story" than any other player character, she seems to constantly represent the entire series. This is likely a move by SNK to increase the number of pedophile fans. Since we all know that pedophiles have lots of quarters.
[edit] Eri whatsername
A blond, light skinned Japanese soldier who... screw it, who knows what her story is? Just more fanboy wanking material. She wears green and for some reason is good with grenades. Now get your hands out of your shorts.
[edit] Mars People
They aren't people so much as they are excuses for SNK to create an army of giant phalli with ray guns. That or perhaps vehicles for fanboys to draw tentacle hentai featuring Fio.
