Mexican Pie

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Mexican Pie is a Mexican gangster-without-a-gang who is currently in prison.


As a child, growing up in Mexico City, Pie was a meek little boy. He never bullied small children at school. Instead, he was happy to rape people considerably larger than himself. At the age of 7, he was caught by his headmistress in the girls' bathroom surrounded by many naked people, most of them were married and old enough to be his grandmother. In fact, one was his grandmother. The headmistress was furious, but her anger was forgotten when Pie invited her to join in.

Despite his kind and generous nature, Pie grew up to be a vicious rebel; he refused to use a condom on numerous occasions. Many of these occasions were filmed and put on a highly popular porn archive known as the "Internet". He had a certain dislike of mental stability, personal hygiene, people with clothes on, condoms, non-alcoholic drinks, rules, and having sex with a willing (or breathing) partner. He dropped out of school at the age of 10.

At the age of 12, he had a slight disagreement with a group of lions at the zoo. The dispute then escalated into a well-publicised brawl. Fortunately, after 6 months in hospital, the lions recovered. Then, feeling guilty, Pie began wandering the streets of Mexico City, trying to help the community. His deeds included burning down a hospital on a cold day, and sharing a bed with a girl, to keep her warm, on that same day. The girl in question was 5 years old. Pie's closest comparison is Michael Jackson.

Then he got bored of trying to be nice and started committing many despicable acts.

List of Honors Crimes[edit]

  • Causing swine flu
  • Fucking in the library (The librarian joined in, and so did others. The mass orgy stopped everyone complaining.)
  • Serial Cereal rape (he did this once, he found it was not to his taste when a corn flake got permanently lodged in the bell-end of his dick).
  • Breaking and entering (His own house)
  • Breaking out of prison (Before he even got arrested)
  • Having oversized genitals (he wishes)
  • Gluing public toilet seats closed
  • Refusing to comb his hair (disgraceful!)
  • Using toilet paper to wipe his dick after peeing (wasteful)
  • Manufacturing recycled toilet paper out of toilet paper that had been recycled (he was actually doing a good thing, it saved lots of paper, thus cancelling out his previous crime)
  • Pouring glue into hats, pairs of gloves, pairs of socks and pairs of shoes. (No comment)
  • Ordering a meal in a restaurant, sending it back and filing a complaint even though it was exactly what he'd asked for (sickening)
  • Stealing condoms and dildos, then depositing them in the bags of random people (Hilarious!)
  • Creating advertisements encouraging the use of used condoms, claiming it to be "recycling" (He told the public the truth! Well done Pie!)
  • Taking pornographic images then going to his local library and hiding them in books intended for small children. (Spreading the truth and educating young minds is a crime now?!)
  • Stealing free samples (pretty self explanatory, really.)
  • Eating the British Prime Minister's face
  • Fathering a son with Barack Obama's daughter (He doesnt know what to call him, but he's open to suggestions!)
  • Fathering a daughter with Barack Obama's wife (Again, open to suggestions)
  • Suspicions of Necromancy & Necrophilia but he hasn't been caught (yet)
  • Raping a duck in Centre Parks
  • Flashing at a nursery
  • Disregarding personal hygiene
  • (The worst one yet) Stealing cops' donuts
  • Drug dealing with a Grue

Arrest & Sentence[edit]

After committing all of the crimes above, the Mexico City Police tracked him down and cornered him in a large mansion where he was having an orgy. He was 13 at the time.

He was going to be sentenced to juvenile prison without trial. But, after engaging in a litte Sex "persuasion" with the Chief of Police (who, incidently was a blonde virgin), and several high ranking officers (more blonde virgins, why can't I be this lucky?!) before starting on the elderly judges he successfully overturned this sentence.

But, Pie had failed, yet again to use a condom. He had accidently given his numerous STDs to the Chief of Police, thus only changing his fate. He was then exiled to a country that wishes to be anonymous to complete his education at a high security prison. He released his sexual feelings on his teachers (twice his age, married, with kids and it was filmed).


After his exile, Pie planned to settle down with his grandmother, the six year old girl he slept with and the Chief of Mexican Police. But, unfortunately, the Chief held a grudge against him for passing on his STD's, his grandmother died after being infected and the six year old had turned seven. His retirement plan had now been reduced to sleeping with a seven year old girl and raping the Chief of Police.

He fathered six daughters with the girl. Pie fucked them too. As they grew older, Pie took them on hunting trips. Their target was the Chief of Police. Pie had encouraged bisexuality in his children so they could all rape the Chief together.

They kidnapped the Chief from her house, tied her up and brought her home. She now serves as Primary Blowjob Giver in the Pie household.


Some drunk guy from the bar