Michelle Pfeiffer

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“Why is she so much better than me?”

~ Meryl Streep on Michelle Pfeiffer

“Why is she so much better than me?”

~ You on the obvious
Pfeiffer(above) demonstrating the multitude of things that make her better than you.

Michelle Pfeiffer is more attractive than you, thinner than you, probably smarter than you and generally better than you. That is the truth. If it isn't the truth then you may be in denial, which of course is a concept designed by psychologists to define the symptoms of being less than Pfeiffer.


Michelle Pfeiffer was born in an unidentified location to wrestler Catherine Deneuve and Deneuve's then husband and barman Jude Law. Her parent's gave her the name Meryl Streep, but were encouraged to change it to Michelle Pfeiffer by Roger Federer (whom at that time, was priest for the Baptist Church of Australia) as he thought the name Meryl Streep reminded him too much of the name of his mortal enemy, Mirka Vavrinec.

Reasons as to why Pfeiffer is better than you[edit]

She just is. Get over it.


Michelle Pfeiffer (above), demonstrating her incredible talented at being better than you by winning Best Performance by a Male and Best Performance By a Female at the 1990 Golden Globes, an award show created just for her.

Being the best at everything, Pfeiffer has won ever conceivable award in show business including Best Tooth Brushing by a Female Performer for Frankie and Johnny(1991) and Best Use of the Word Meow, for Batman Returns(1992). In fact, so dominant is Pfeiffer in her industry that Hollywood moguls decided to create an award show just for her, called the Golden Globes.

The best thing about Pfeiffer[edit]

Everything except for her movie choices after 1993, which were so crap that it's impossible to even make a humorous comment about said choices.

Things that are better than Pfeiffer[edit]

  • Your mother.
  • Meryl Streep's Talent,Beauty, and just overall physqiue
  • Her mother, Catherine Deneuve.
  • Chocolate ice cream
  • This article.
  • Michelle Pfeiffer's mirror.
  • Intergalactic Love.

The International Language[edit]

The international language of Pfeiffer is renowned for it's accurate command of communication, for thousands of years, maybe millions we had to communicate to each other via throwing older people at each other, the older the person the more urgent the message. But the birth of the living genius that is Pfeiffer saved many lives after she devised this language and all the rest of them just to keep everyone sweet, especially older people.

Many scientists say it's a lie and to this day those people are thrown at other non-believers in subquential non-denomonations of five, by Michelle herself.

Who wrote this article ?[edit]

Michelle Pfeiffer. She's just that good.


Michelle Pfeiffer is better than you. Now look at this picture and weep at your relative crappyness.

Normal 01.jpg


  • Jerry(2009)
  • I Could Never Be A Woman(2007)
  • Lipospray (2007)
  • White, Our Leader (2002)
  • I Am Spam(2001)
  • The Story of Gus(1999)
  • One Fine Gay(1996)
  • The Age of Indolence (1993)
  • Fartman Returns(1992)
  • Frankie and Johnny- A Tale of Two Men (1991)
  • The Fungus Baker Boys (1989)
  • Dangerous Lesbians (1988)
  • To Kill a Sunrise(1988)
  • Married to a Blob(1988)
  • The Bitches of Eastwick (1987)
  • Ladyskank(1985)
  • Scabface(1983)
  • Greasy 2 (1982)

See also[edit]