Mickey Mouse
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- This article deals with the fictional character created by Walt Disney. For information about the Disneyland dictator, see Mickey Mouse the Great. For information about the Disneyland Minister of Foreign Affairs, see Mickey Mouse, Jr.. For information about the current Disneyland Great Council Member, see Mickey Mouse III.
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Michael "Mickey" Mmhaaaulscscsxx (b. July 32, 1928 - May 18, 2009. Clone born May 27, 2009) is the first animated character dropped out by the deviant mind of Walt Disney and his wife Elvira. Mickey Mouse has entertained children for decades with his singing, dancing, foul stench, surprise suicide bombings, and "registered" trademark catchphrase "Whoa, donny ducker, where's the pancakes?"
[edit] KING OF DISNEY
After a short stint as a great film and Tv star Mickey Mouse gathered a giant army and had a big rebelion against Walt Disney after epic days of fighting he claimed the throne as "Emperor Mickey" when Waltie died in the fires of 1845. For a job as an executive assasinated Walt and now together Mickey and the Disney cartoons rule the business, so far they have made deals with Pixar and Square Enix, Both Sworn Enimies Of Mr Walt Disney. Mickey Mouse will start a cartoon Holocaust with any body that refuses to be in his army. He will rape them in the ass first then put them in Auschwitz.
[edit] Early Career
Mickey Mouse appeared in his first long(est) film, Midnight fun"where he banged Piette for a whole 10 hours in 1925. However, the character who appeared in that cartoon had little resemblance to the sophisticated character that later emerged. For a start, he was called "The Mucky Mouse" and was characterised as a bad, child-torturing, Woodbine-smoking Oh-I'm-leavingishman who pounds a bully cat with a whiskey bottle on his head, utting him in the hell below hell below hell
His first hit movie Fantasia, playing an apprentice computer hacker, but he gets to jail for 43212206580413635361333053342752866365566 years.
[edit] Mickey's First Renaissance
This early character was never changed when parents' groups protested the 1934 Disney/Burt Reynolds collaboration Gone Ditched, that featured graphic scenes of Mickey slowly peeling the skin and flesh away from his girlfriendSally's chest, prior to consuming her still-beating heart.
Following the reworking of the character, Mickey became an eight-foot-tall mouse, complete with colossal inferiority complex, whose courageous struggle with HIV never failed to inspire the audience. It was during this make-over that Mickey attended Yale University and starred in the cartoon Spoony Fork Club
[edit] World War II
During WWII, Mickey rose to power as a high ranking SS officer in charge of twelve Nazi units as well as various Puritan death squads. His war career began with the creation of the Mauser rifle and continued up until the final days of the war when he killed Hitler by raping him with his 27 foot long cock and stole the Nazi secret stash of sperm. This very sperm was hidden by his master, Walt Disney, in the Small World ride at Disneyland, where it has remained ever since. It has been rumored that the key to the sperm can be found in the song, but anyone who has tried deciphering the code has died of severe asshole rape and brain failure. During a short stint onboard a submarine he began a short, but affectionate relationship with one of the torpedoes. Despite this, he vigorously denies being a torpedophile.
Mickey was known throughout the German population as the infamous "Der Maus," (The Rat")and his catch phrase "DIE NÜB!!" could be found on many leaflets distributed by the Seven Dwarves to unsuspecting French. During the siege of Franz Josef Land, Der Mouse could be seen screeming squeeky curses and flatulating in the general direction of his enemy's castle. These skills boosted his troops' mana points to a whopping over 9000 and provided them with max weapons and infinite ammo.
Mickey Mouse was also said to have battled Joseph Stalin, FDR, and Winston Churchil in a 3 on 1 kung fu battle to decide the fate of the universe. The mouse nearly won, until Homer Simpson, Mario, Luigi, Barack Obama, and the Reverend Al Sharpton warped to the past and killed him by luring him to a giant mouse trap filled with smoked gouda cheese.
However, thanks to tickets to Disneyland costing upwards of 800 dollars and using cheap Chinese sweatshop labor to build very poor Tigger plush dolls and one size fits all Goofy hats, he was later cloned and swore revenge against the three wise men. These men were known as John Mcain, Buzz Lightyear, and Woody Allen.
[edit] Terrorist Years
After this, Mickey became an international terrorist working with the terrorist group al Debrin, first under, then succeeding The Supreme Nothingness re-Cycle bin Phile, for thirteen years until he was presidentially pardoned. He then shot up an '85 Corolla with a box of Ding-Dongs and a canister of C4 plastic explosive while getting wasted on LSD and called for world peace, unity, and nuclear weapons testing.
[edit] Pirate Years
Later Mickey mouse got angry because his macaroni and cheese wasn't cheesy enough and decided to lead a group of Cuban exiles, Al-Qaeda and Taliban rejects, and the ghost of John Wayne in a pirate ship known as Mickeys Terror, marauding around the Caribbean sea stealing all the plastic raincoats and Dale Earnhardt Junior commemorative plates he could. His pirate quest ended in 1972 when he crashed into an invisible iceberg and Mickeys Terror was sunk.
[edit] Return to Acting
He later attempted to make a comeback in the late 1970s porn film series Mickey Does Monte Carlo however this was poorly received by Gay Porn fans who found the idea of a talking mouse a bit too unbelievable. After getting addicted to heroin, he resorted to scaring little children and stealing their lunch money.
[edit] Mickey Mouse and Vietnam
Mickey Mouse controlled forces in Laos, Cambodia, China, and Vietnam after the beginning of the Vietnam War. His favorite battle tactic was to paint a Volkswagen bus yellow and fool the enemy into thinking it was a massive Twinkie.
Shortly afterwards, Mickey Mouse died of a heart attack by watching Mickey Mouse Club House.
During Mickeys brief stint as a fluffer , He was raped by a Thai Wrestler named 'Ting Tong Takei'
After the Vietnam War, an attempted assassination on Mickey failed because of Pluto's affliction with a Japenese Mafia. Pluto shoved a piece of Sushi down the assassin's throat, choking him.
[edit] Mickey's Second Renaissance
Mickey was finally killed off, albeit temporarily, in the feature film Syphilis Symphonies, in which his partial recovery from leprosy is complicated by a sudden attack of rabies. The Michael Moore Mouse Foundation was set up in his honour to assist those who are living with a combination of leprosy and rabies.
Mickey, at the time of his death, was taken to a dilapidated back room somewhere in a movie set on the Disney backlot. He was resuscitated with a makeshift defibrillator constructed out of a Honda generator, a set of halogen stage lights, some jumper cables, two large forks and a rubber chicken. He then went on to complete the next two movies in the Pastor of Muppets Trilogy, Pastor of Muppets and Mickeus Delenda Est.
[edit] The First Accident
Following this, Mickey was in a car in June 1977 and it stalled on some train tracks. A train carrying roughly 1,500 metric tons of TNT was on a collision path with it, but before it crashed, it decided to blow itself up. The Mickster himself was blown 140 feet into the air and came to land in a rather large oak tree, where he upset a nest of bees. He fell and broke his left arm.
[edit] The Second Accident
While he was driving a moped on a lonely country road in early July 1981, he had an accident trying to attempt to collide with a chicken that was crossing the road but he crashed against a platan and stuck into it. The consequences were disastrous, he broke all his bones and his hip was never more found. He had to keep the plastering on for two years, being consequently idle and extraordinarily fat. When he took off his plastering he weighed 389 lbs.
Mickey was later found eating his own shit in his nest, it was disgusting and lost him the main part in the film Groundhog Day as the Groundhog.
[edit] Neo-Classical Period
In the opening of Stargate II: Conquest of Disneyland, Mickey is gunned down with a candy cane while reading an issue of Penthouse in the opening fight sequence. The Goa'uld resurrect him with a Sarcophagus, but Mickey fights back and escapes. After being shot at by his own men, he runs back onto the Goa'uld ship. This time, Mickey impersonates a Jaffa guard and blows up the Goa'uld mother ship (and causes Donald to spontaneously combust and turn into a Roast Duck in the process).
[edit] Third Reinassance
After successfully serving as vice president to president Hilton from 2113-2121. He successfully ran for president in 2120 and served as president from 2121-2129. His wife Minnie Mouse ran for president successfully and served from 2129-2137.He has currently retired from politics and is now writing his autobiography.Which involves his life as a Junkie,and the period in which he was going broke because his fellow cartoon friend promises free sex to all that watch his programs and mickey even got it him self! Later after words with his doctor, Mickey found out he was pregnant with 5 baby mooses which then grew up to be the hit stars leaving Mickey in the gutter.
[edit] Eating habbits
Mickey Mouse's favourite food is of course, little children. He have consumed over approximately 350 tonnes of flesh (equivelent to 90,000 children). On 16th June 2114, there was an incident when he was trying to eat a massivly overweight girl, the girl quick-wittedly kicked his nuts in the process, causing temporal genital dysfunction. This generates a feeling of myupholimbic pithoglomolia (a process when pedophilic hormones detach from brain cell walls causing catalytic cytoplasm reaction in which lactic acid would build up facial respiration and photosynthesis) which results in muscle cramps, releasing the girl, allowing her to be freed.
[edit] Sexuality
Mickey's sexuality has been called to question on several occasions, especially since that sex video of him and Toucan Sam was released across the internet. During a short stint onboard a submarine he began a short, but affectionate relationship with one of the torpedoes. Though he thoroughly denies being a gay torpedophile. Another incident was the infamous bout where Mickey beat Donald Duck with a cheese grater after he found out about his illicit affair with Goofy. Donald was terrified of what Mickey was becoming. He went on national television six months later and told his experiences to Oprah. Oprah personally took Mickey to task a month later with the help of Dr. Phil. Mickey denied everything and revealed that Donald was a drunk.
Soon after this incident, Mickey had another encounter which caused further question of his sexuality, as well as his faithfulness to Minnie. After seeing his wife Minnie being gang raped by Goofy and the snowman, Mickey did the pelvic thrust to the snowman. Goofy saw this as an invitation to continue with Minnie. [1]
[edit] The Marriage
Mickey Mouse, called affectionately "Mickey 10 Inches Mouse" was a pouf declared. But, at the beginning, with the racial laws of 1931 it had to pretend of being straight and married that sewer rat Minnie, that in fact was his sister.
In fact the farce marriage was a failure, with both that repeatedly mated in secrecy with the dog, Pluto, who, because of this shock, remained the only Disney's character without the gift of speech. Or pants.
Mickey had his moment of glory when he passed from paper to animation. After Toy Story came his turn for the big screen and was used as a bog in the movie "Green Fried Tomatoes at the Railway Station". Then he devoted himself to the gay hardcore and carried on a life of hardships until 1984 when was maden a fur of him. It has also became acknowledged that Mickey has become the latest of Mike Jackson's use in his neverland play time...
[edit] Secret Life
In numerous gossip magazines such as "Mouse" and "Endisneyer" it is said that Mickey had a secret night job as a male strip tease club dancer. According to the owner of the club Mickey was a crowd favorite as he pole danced the night away. He was known as Ben DarkBottom. Although he was always cheered at in the pole, in the alleys of Massachussets he was known as 'Mickey the Deala'. But he only sold sewer rat toasted legs, all according to Mouse Times Mag.
Evil_Mouse.jpg.
[edit] Cookie
MICKEY MOUSE OWES ME BUTT SECKS
NO MICKEY MOUSE DOES NOT OWE YOU ANY BUTT SECKS!!! HE MAY, HOWEVER, OWE YOU BLOWJOBS
The evil sword Soul Edge once tried to absorb Mickey Mouse's soul, but seeing as he obviously has no soul, he failed. So he went back to pick on Siegfried. (What does this have to do with cookies?)mickey mouse mouse stole my cookie AND I WANT IT BACK RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU HEAR ME MICKEY I WILL COME OUT AND FUCK YOU, DO YOU HEAR! GIMMIE MY GHEY BUTT SECKS RIGHT NOW U MOTHAFUCKIN NIGGERCOCK LOVR
[edit] Waffles
[[Image:Mickey chavez.jpg|thumb|
[edit] DEATH
On March 1 2009 he got diabetes in Hollywood CA. He was taken to The Scrappy Doo Medical Center Of Hollywood, until 2 months later on May 18 2009 he passed away due to complcations from diabetes. Minnie Mouse was at his side. Ismael was present. He shat his pants on impact. However, Mickey was cloned and essentially came back to life, but was subsequently trapped in the sacred realm because Princess Zelda thought he was Ganon.
"Can't you tell the difference between a mouse and a pig?" -Mickey Mouse on Princess Zelda
However, he escaped by disguising himself as Harry Houndini, and later went on to play a bit part in The Princess Bride 2 where he plays Prince Humperdink's sex toy.
Mickey then returned to Vulhula to sulmber, and feed.
[edit] Filmography
[[Image:Mouseketeer.jpg|thumb|right|Mickey Mouse, at the height of his fame, in the 1939 film The Mouseketeer. The film poster for the 1985 remake is shown here.]]
- Midnight Cowmouse .... The Mick Mouse (1925)
- Steamboat Nazi.... Heinrich the Bosun's Mate (1929)(Never released)
- Fantasia .... Apprentice Janitor (1931)
- Une Souris Andelou .... Apprentice Janitor (1934)
- The Mouseketeer .... Mickeius Mus (1939)
- Spoony Fork Club (1965)
- Mousquito Squadron .... Squadron Leader (1968)
- Mice in Black... Jay Gaymaximus Pantless Blackfur Whoremale III (1997, once rated PG-13,Is now rated X because Pokemon hates Disney and took over the Rating company, also because of Mickey's Whale Dick 3/4 of the movie that makes Pussies Asplode)
- Aristocrats .... Himself (1970)
- Ghost in the Shell (TV) .... The Ghost (1976)
- Return of the Cheddar-eye .... Luke Cheeseboarder (1983)
- The Mouseketeer (remake) .... Mickeius Mus (1985)
- Nine-and-a-half Squeaks co-starring Minnie Mouse & the Honey Monster (1986, rated NC-17)
- Syphilis Symphonies .... "Crazy Old Man" (1988)
- Pastor of Muppets .... "Crazy Old Man" (1991)
- Mickeus Delenda Est .... "Crazy Old Man" (1994)
- Stargate II: Conquest of Disneyland .... Col. Mouse (1999)
- Kingdom Hearts, the Remix Collection .... Mickeyroth (2000)
- Dave Chappelle's Block Party .... Crazy Old Blackie (2006)
- Star Whores: Attack of the Firemen.......Darth Noughty
- Mickey the Monkey and Minnie the Mean
- Walt Disney's 1984
- The Micker Man
- How to be a Walt Disney cartoon for retards:the film (2009)
- The Full Micky
- Transformers II:Revenge of the Fallen...........Mickimus Prime
[edit] References
- ↑ http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2006470493,00.html| The Sun: Do you fancy a Donald Duck?
