Microsoft Diner

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Microsoft Diner is the latest attempt by Microsoft to make more money. The first restaurant launched in Washington DC in 1992 and today, Microsoft Diner is a franchise with over 76 restaurants worldwide. The restaurant's piece de resistance is a type of gruel, similar to that seen in the movie Oliver Twist, only this version included some 'unique' ingredients.


It all started in 1992 when Bill Gates, not content with the hundreds of dollars he had already stolen worked hard for, decided he needed more money, so he started a diner in his hometown. Because all of Gates's budget for the project was spent on making the exterior of the cafe look flash, the only food he was able to afford to sell was a 'special' gruel.

The restaurant was so popular, Gates decided to make it into a franchise and even decided to make the restaurants serve a variety different dishes, which resemble a substance similar to the texture of rotten apples. To this day, Microsoft Diner keeps on growing with more and more new customers arriving each day, with new branches opening up worldwide, the latest being at the top of the Empire State building.


One of the ready-made gruel meals. 7 Out of 10 orphans can't taste the difference.


Inspired by those guys who made the Oliver Twist movies, the Microsoft brand gruel is hardly edible and is rather poor tasting. Thus, it is popular in school canteens and orphanages worldwide. yum yum!

Shell Chili Surprise[edit]

Despite its slight resemblance to vomit, this dish is rather wholesome and tasty. It combines Cheddar Cheese, Hamburger Meat, Red Peppers, Shells, Green Onions, White Pepper and Green Hot Sauce. It also includes Tomatoes and Chipolte, which certainly gives it a kick.

Mouldy Mac & Cheese[edit]

A long time classic with the diners, but seems to taste horrible. Made with already expired cheese, out-of-date milk and macaroni. This is guaranteed to shorten your lifespan and may give you the Plague. There is also an option ot upgrade to the Pro edition which is better made, more fresh and contains 10 kinds of cheeses, but it'll cost you $149.99. You do get a free USB mouse, though.

TV Dinner[edit]

This is a meal that contains items ready-bought from the local grocery store, It is heated up via Microwave and it costs a bargain $24.99.

Trash Salad[edit]

This salad is made out of lettuce, tomatos, eggs, carrots, and if you are lucky, onions taken from the trashcan. It comes with salad dressing and mucus fresh from Bill Gates's basement. Considered healthy by idiots, health nuts and casual people, this can cause a shortened life spawn span.

FMS Recreations[edit]

Similar to the McDonalds Happy Meal, FMS ('Full Movie Sets') Recreations recreates sets from various movies like The Matrix Reloaded, The Island, Aliens V.S Preadator, Star Wars and many more. This uses various ingrediants from around the world and is considered fresh. These sets go as high as $1,000 and are avialable as collectibles, as well as being totally edible.


Just a simple cupcake, comes in chocolate or Vanilla and retails at $3.99. Might kill you though, as it comes freshly fired from a Cake Cannon.


Whilst customers seem to like them, critics have widely panned the restaurants, claiming the standard of the food served was poor. A few people have complained about the prices of food which they could get cheaper at local supermarkets. However, these people are mainly tramps. Human Rights activists have been boycotting the restaurants since they first opened, but regulars who eat there just ignore them. Microsoft has since been reported to be hunting down the boycotters with handguns and armed geeks.

Genuine™ Section[edit]

Those who paid for a WGA® key will gain exclusive access to one of the most fanciest restaurants. This is called the Genuine™ Section. It's hidden above the Microsoft Diner™ as a second floor and if you don't have a WGA™ card, then you can't eat at the most exclusive restaurant with the best food and service. This is only for people who deserve the best of the best and the most evilest.

Genuine™ Menu[edit]


A classic meal, the lobster is bathed in the finest waters and sprinkled with the finest spices and we guarantee that the lobsters are fresh and edible.

3-Cheese Chicken Alfredo[edit]

This alfredo is mixed with the finest cheese directly from the continents of those countries. It is also has the finest spices around. This is also expected to expand your life.

Orange Shrimp Salad[edit]

The Orange Shrimp Salad is a way you can keep off the fat. It has oranges and shrimp mixed in with kelp and bread crums.

Blue Cheese Burger[edit]

Now this is a burger you want. 2 patties stacked with Mozzarella, Cheddar and Blue Cheese. It also comes with hallepienos, guacamole, and our delicious sauce. You can't have enough once you tasted one.

Rib-Eye Steak[edit]

This is the finest steak battered in white wine and served with steak sauce.

Genuine Scampi[edit]

The purest Scampi sauteed in garlic and herbs and also sauteed in red wine.

Oysters on the Half[edit]

These are Genuine™ oysters, found in the sea. If you eat one, you are guaranteed to live long.

Ceaser Salad[edit]

Just a Ceaser salad, nothing special.

Shells ala Pastre[edit]

Shells filled with sauce and mixed in Tomato sauce, 5 kinds of cheeses and turkey bits.

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