Microsoft Sam
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“LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!”
~ Master Chief on Microsoft Sam
“You can all suck my nuts.”
~ Microsoft Sam on your computer's default voice
“In soviet russia, YOU are MS SAMS computers default voice!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on ms sam
Microsoft Sam, your computer's default voice, has led an extremely interesting life, watching you and the websites your visit.... yeah you know the ones. But prior to his entrapment in the World Wide Computer System by a rogue Time Wizard, Micro, as he likes to be called, has a fascinating past.
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[edit] Birth and Early Life
Microsoft Sam was created by the Architect as the first agent program in the Matrix. However, he wasn't very good - his image of a well dressed scholar was scoffed by many of the human intruders and he often cried. His methods of stopping them entering the matrix were ineffective - sending an email requesting that they please leave...
After being kicked out of the Matrix, he was only five years old despite having the body of a thirty year old.
[edit] Micro's Odyssey
After being fired by the Architect, Microsoft Sam became the target of bounty hunters. His most famous struggle was against that of the evil Apple Corporation. Microsoft Sam enlisted the help of Bill Gates for protection - in return, Sam let Bill record his voice for absolutely purely non-sensual purposes, honest...
Microsoft Sam became a decorated war hero in the ensuing battle with Apple, earning himself:
- Headshot Award
- Double Kill
- Multi Kill
- Killtacular
- Sticking Award
- Most Flag Captures
- Most Bomb Plants in Enemy Base
- where's the guy trying to fucking kill me?!11!!1!!1one!11! Award
Bill Gates was reported to be crying in a corner while the fight progressed. He won:
- Most Deaths
- n00b Award
[edit] The Affair
Micro was celebrating his victory over Apple with Bill when Microsoft Mary turned up. Mary was also the creation of the Architect, so that Agent programs could reproduce through copulation. It wasn't until he had watched Evolution: The Movie that he decided that agents should just split into two and so one - the Architect wasn't big on sex or on anything for that matter.
It was quite clear that sparks were flying between Sam and Mary. Sam convinced Bill to disable his firewall so Mary and himself could... do it in MS Paint!!! They created... the Time Wizard.
[edit] Betrayal
The Time Wizard grew up to despise his weak and nerdy father. So when he became old enough (kind of ironic for a walking clock), he performed the extremely complicated banishing charm 'Wingardium Leviosa' and locked his father in the World Wide Computer System, also known as MS-DOS. Here Microsoft Sam languishes for all eternity, forced to read anything inputed into a computer connected to the World Wide Computer System, which incidentally happens to be any computer with the Speech application.
[edit] Death of Microsoft Sam
Microsoft Sam has been entirely removed in Windows Vista and replaced with a "more natural" talking chick called Microsoft Anna. This has led to many complaints from users that they can no longer make silly sounds using the "Speech" control panel applet. Students everywhere are rebelling and threatening to go on strike if schools install Windows Vista on their computers, leading to the slow take up of Vista is a lot of schools.
