Mike Jones
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“Who? Who? I can't hear you, just give me his phone number.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Mike Jones
Michael Jones was born on the 6th January 1989, the lovechild of Catherine Zeta Jones and Indiana Jones. He is a dirty little boy from Houston, Texas. He is credited to both being the only black person in Texas that all the white people like and an avid flosser.
When Mike Jones was a child, he was narcissistic, had a slight hearing problem, and had alzheimers disease, which has led to his catchphrase "Who? Mike Jones!", which was to be repeated until he could finally hear it. Back then, hoes didn't want him. Now that he's hot, hoes are all on him (although this can't be proven, it is generally accepted that all rap artists have hoes, ho-hos, hoses, beaches, and beotches). He is a very lonely person, which is why he gives his phone number out in every song (281-330-8004). His 8th album, Who is Mike Jones?, not only went platinum, but it also went triple plutonium!!! His best friends, Slim Thug (a.k.a. Thin Soldier) and Paul Wall (a.k.a. The People's Champ, The People's Chump, and The People's Champ-eezy the Snowman), wrote the song Still Tippin', which is considered the most FUCKING INCREDIBLE song ever made. Why would you be blowin' on that endo while playing your Gamecube, Nintendo, with a 5% tint so you can't see up in his window? Anyway, Mike Jones is also credited to being an accomplished psychic, writing a song that predicts where he will be 5 years from now. According to him, he may be dead boxed up, locked up like Akon, or be caught having an affair with the head of Walt Disney and that guy on Full House who wasn't John Stamos or Bob Saget. Mike Jones is also known for defecating in his pants. In one of his sonatas he admits he "keeps [his] shit in [his] pants".
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[edit] Little Known Facts
- Mike Jones is a rare practitioner of Goa Tse Taoism.
- Mike Jones invented the rose in 1674, the same year bacteria was discovered by Tupac Shakur.
- Mike Jones is over 40% fossilised fuels.
- Mike Jones currently owns 35% of the NYSE, and rings the opening bell on Wall Street every other Thursday.
- Hit him up. 281-330-8004, baby. When you call, ask for Mike Jones.
- If you added up all the Mike Jones in the world, you'd have enough pure acid to burn through to the center of Jupiter, and enough talent to entertain yourself in that hole for around 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000032675021 minutes
- Mike Jones is a longtime fuck buddy of Ja Rule.
[edit] Well Known Facts
- Mike Jones looks like Michael Angelo from teenage mutant ninja turtles and has stated many times that they are related.
- Mike Jones suffers from a severe case of gay.
- Mike Jones has a head and shoulders, knees and toes (knees and toes)
- Mike Jones suffers from a severe form of mental retardation leading him to repeat his name constantly in order to refresh his memory as to who he exactly is.
[edit] Discography
Back Then (234 B.C.)
The Sword of Monte Cristo: Original Soundtrack (1951)
Who? (1994)
Mike Jones (1994)
Mike Jones (1995)
Mike Jones: Nailed And Chopped (1995)
Mike Jones: Sliced and Diced (1995)
Mike Jones: Played in Reverse (1995)
Mike Jones: The Same Shit (1995)
Tippin (1996)
Still Tippin (1996)
...Yea He's Still Tippin (1996)
You Can Stop Tippin Now (1996.77)
You Can Stop Tippin Now (1996.928)
Childrens Nursery Rymes by Mike Jones (2006)
My baby's daddy (2006)
Asses n Titties - Bitches n Hoes (1974)
Who Is Mike Jones (Featuring Gum-B And Paul Floor - Live in China) (1945)
Hakuna Matata (1997)
Who? (1997 and a half)
Mike Jones (1999)
NOW! That's What I call Music, Mike Jones (2000)
Who? Mi Who? Mike Who? Mike Jo Who? Mike Jones (20 When?)
Who is Mike Jones? (2005)
Who is Mike Jones? Live in Vostok (2006)
Mike Jones (2006)
The American Dream (20-oh wait..that never came out)
Shea! (2006 1/2)
Beef Sandwhich (2006)
Doo Dah Doo Doo! (2007)
A Mike Jones Christmas (Who?) (2008)
Gonorrhea Blows! (2101)
Why I Tip (2102)
Why I Stopped Tippin' (2103)
Tippin: Who Really Is Mike Jones (2110)
Mike Jones: Mike Jones: Who is Mike Jon - y'all niggaz is crazy' (2103)
Mike Jonestron: Who? (2208)
Mike-cro-Jones! Who? (2215)
Halo 4: Michael-117 (2640)
Mike Jones: Back and Forth (5600 B.C. - 2700 A.D.)
[edit] Mike Jones Quotes
- Chea! The wait is over! Who is Mike Jones is finally here baby! Be on the lookout for my next album: The American Dream! Hit me up! 281 - 330 - 8004 baby! WhoMikeJones dot com! CHEA! ~~"Intro" by Mike Jones
- I'm black dammit! ~~Mike Jones
- You ain't a rhyma you's a vagina it's time for some Vagisil . ~~ Chamillionaire on Mike Jones
- But I'm just sayin' though, get off my genitalia, get off my nuts I'm tellin' ya. ~~ Chamillionaire on Mike Jones
- You know, I can't stand these scandalous hoes. Not one bit. ~~ Mike Jones
- I'm the type of nigga you need. ~~ Mike Jones
- Purple drank I'm a po up, got the rap game sewed up, see my grill dey like 'Hold up!', Invisible set, princess cutz! ~~ Mike Jones
- Hoes these days man, I'm tellin' ya'll, they're scandalous baby. ~~ Mike Jones
- I got a lotta hatas and a lotta homies, some friends and some phonies. ~~ Mike Jones
- Wat you know about switchin lanes, holdin wood grain? ~~ Mike Jones
- I'm lookin' for a dime that's top of the line, cute face, little waist with a big behind ~~ Mike Jones
- I'm serious. I really cannot stand these scandalous hoes. ~~ Mike Jones
- Who? ~~ Mike Jones
- Mike Jones! ~~ Mike Jones
- Who? ~~ Mike Jones
- Mike Jones! ~~ Mike Jones
- Who? ~~ Mike Jones
- Mike Jones! ~~ Mike Jones
- God dammit. I really cannot FUCKING stand these SCANDALOUS HOES! ~~ Mike Jones
- 281-330-8004, hit Mike Jones up on the low, cuz Mike Jones about to blow. ~~ Mike Jones
- Back then hos didn't want me, now I'm hot, hos all on me. ~~ Mike Jones
- Dis the main reason here, she the main reason why.... y'all listenin to me today, ya know what I’m sayin’? True story check it out, true story. A lot of people always used to wonder how I got up in the game, ya know what I’m sayin’? My grandma was, 99.9 percent of the reason ya know what I’m sayin’? It's crazy though, I mean, I used to go to strip clubs all the time and try to get people to listen to my CD, you know?And they be like who are you? And I'm like "Mike Jones" And they'd be like WHO, ya know what I’m sayin’? And I used to always tell my grandma and she used to always tell me to use that, ya know what I’m sayin’? Cause they gon' regret what they did to me, ya know what I’m sayin’? So I started usin it, and it worked, ya know what I’m sayin’? And.. it's it's just crazy mayne y'know? I started sayin my name a lot - ya know what I’m sayin’? I started givin my phone number out - ya know what I’m sayin’? When people was tellin me that it wasn't gon' work, my grandma was tellin me to do it, ya know what I’m sayin’? She told she seen a vision and, that's a hell of a vision ya know what I’m sayin’? And.. really I started givin out my album, I started promotin it and all the stuff that y'all been hearin me do, I got it from her, ya know what I’m sayin’? And and that's the main reason, why I'm here today, ya know what I’m sayin’? And and it's crazy man, it's crazy y'know, I'm I'm I'm here and y'all listenin to me, y'know, so I never woulda ever thought...that I'd have the whole world listenin to Mike Jones, man, it's crazy man. I didn't even wanna use my real name, y'know? But grandma was like, "Boy you better use that name. It's gon' blow you up one day," ya know what I’m sayin’? And I was like, "Man you don't know what'chu talkin about," And now I'm here, "Who is Mike Jones?" Holla at'cha boy... ~~ Mike Jones
