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The Helen is the base SI unit for measuring beauty

It can be defined in terms of the quantity of Achaean soldiers that it will attract, specifically one Helen of beauty is enough to launch one thousand ships of soldiers. However, after lengthy sea voyages and battles that lasted years on end, when the surviving soldiers returned home in their thousand ships they found that Helen had become old and fat, so she was not even worthy of the traditional after battle raping.

Helen the Hottie

Helen Richardson[edit]

Helen Richardson smells!

One milliHelen of beauty[edit]

The unit of beauty milliHelen is named for the legendary Helen of Troy.

The measurement of this quantity is based on one simple postulate: If one Helen is enough beauty to launch a thousand ships, the milliHelen (mH) is defined as the amount of beauty required to launch one ship.

While the application of the scientific method to derive these units appears straightforward enough, there is still a certain amount of opposition on the part of some members of the scientific community who object to the application of metric prefixes to Troy units.

The microHelen[edit]

The microHelen is a less commonly accepted unit, but it does have certain significance. A woman who has a microHelen of beauty is only capable of launching 1/1000th of a ship, or a model ship in 1/1000th scale. However, all that is required for getting it on is the launch of the mizzen-mast, and as such a woman is considered bonable.

The nanoHelen[edit]

A woman possessing a nanoHelen of beauty is only capable of launching a dinghy equal in size to Bea Arthur's dick.

See also[edit]