Minerva Mink

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“Pissing off the editors with crap. Ooh, you're really living life to the max, not.”

~ Minerva Mink on Vandals

“In Soviet Russia, Minerva minks YOU!”

~ Josef Stalin on Minerva Mink

“INFIDEL!!!”

~ Osama Bin Laden on Minerva Mink

“Get a few more quotes in here and we can have a party.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Quotes
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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Minerva Mink.
Minerva Mink.

Minerva Woolstonecraft Mink (b. December 7 1974) is an American actress, fashion model, singer, drug addict and film director. She is well known for her links with the Slappy's Angels series and for her strong links with Borat Sagdiyev.

Background[edit]

Born in a hospital, Minerva was born young, as most babies are. Her parents were Michael Mink, a TV commercial actor for Furry fans, and Marilyn Mink, a failed singer with a face that would stop a clock. Surprisingly, Minerva looked nothing like her two parents, and has become one of the most sought-after sex symbols by crazed furries who fail to get anywhere in life with humans.

Education[edit]

Surprisingly for an actress, Minerva actually went to school and lasted more than a week. It is well known that many celebrities spend only 7 days in Education before growing incredibly vain and leaving to pursue a career filled with overpayment, greed and lust.

Despite being one of the sexiest creatures on the planet, Minerva was not interested in films to begin with, especially as she didn't want to end up like her deadbeat parents. In fact, Minerva was a little bit of a geek to start with, but eventually grew into the curvaceous carnivore countless people drool and masturbate over.

At the end of it, though, Minerva's education was in vain. The only thing she exceeded in was Chemistry, and that was from reading so many shampoo bottles. None of the other subjects interested her, and she failed miserably. However, she did win the 1989 Guinness Record for being the first Celebrity to last a whole semester.

Film Career[edit]

Carry On Up the Rectum[edit]

Despite having so many admirers, Minerva was initially reluctant to enter films, again in fear of becoming a run-down old hag with a voice like a castrated cat. Despite this, Minerva made her debut as a supporting character in the 1980 British film, Carry On Up the Rectum. as Nurse Fanny. Minerva returned to America shortly after, and never became a series regular in the Carry On Films.

Animaniacs[edit]

12 years after her film debut, Minerva was spotted by Yakko Warner during an audition for the vacancy of Secretary to the Planners from Outer Space. Yakko and Minerva eventually started talking, and Yakko was impressed both by her looks and her humour, and secured Minerva a place on Animaniacs in 1993.

Minerva appeared in only two solo episodes, because both the cast and crew had difficulty concentrating without goggling at her perfectly-shaped body. Minerva, too, found this frustrating, and agreed only to appear in minor cameos to avoid trouble. As such, Minerva's career on the show, although she is perhaps one of the most admired characters on the show, was considerably short, but thankfully did not end up like drug addict Katie Ka-Boom.

Music Career[edit]

During animaniacs,she wanted to get into the music business to get more popularity because she didnt appear a lot.Minerva Mink decided to come out with an R&B album in 1993 called I WANT TO FUCK.one of her short time lovers Tupac Shakur made a quest appearence.she was only intersted in him for his popularity at the time.his quest appearance on the album helped it sell.it generally was about minerva talking about how horney for sex she was.it was produced by Will Smith because he was her butler.The album was a huge success because of minerva's sexyness on the cover.People,especially teengage boys bought the album just to stare at her sexy body on the cover.Even though this is her only album,to this day,its a very popular album.its still making her lots of money.

Slappy's Angels[edit]

No sooner had Animaniacs ended, Minerva's career experienced a slight decline. The number of diehard fanboys that were drawing pornographic art of her meant that Minerva couldn't really do much until things died down. In 2009, she was welcomed into the Slappy's Angels mythos in the second film, Slappy's Angels: Full Throttle. At that time, Minerva was in a love-triangle with the film writer and director, Skippy Squirrel, and one of the lead actresses, Lola Bunny.

The movie poster for Slappy's Angels: Full Throttle.

Minerva was soon accepted as the third "angel" by audience and crew alike, for two different reasons. Minerva would continue the role for Slappy's Angels 3 and the TV show that spun off from it.

Beyond Slappy's Angels[edit]

After Slappy's Angels, Minerva's career as a sexy woman remained strong, having made her niche in life through her experience on Slappy's Angels, proving to sluts like Amy Winehouse and Paris Hilton that drugs really do nothing for fame.

Minerva has appeared in three awful films: Scary Movie 3, Cartoon Movie 2 and Cartoon Movie 3. All of them were made by the Scary Movie gang, but because she was a fabulous movie star, it didn't affect her in any way whatsoever.

Fashion Career[edit]

Only recently has Minerva entered fashion. Being a furry mink herself, she is a favourite among designers to fashion fur at special shows, but has never modelled leather, much to the disappoint of the audience. In fact, Slappy's Angels: Full Throttle shows her debut in a fashion show off the coast of Greece.

War with Microsoft[edit]

In 2007, Minerva filed a lawsuit against Bill Gates for constant vandalism to her online autobiography, claiming that she was sick to the back teeth of huffing edits by Microsoft and having free condoms posted to her home. The lawsuit was a success, and Microsoft were forced to pay out $2,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.42 for damages.

Another lawsuit was filed barely a few weeks later, again due to Microsoft fucking up her wiki entries big-time. Being driven to the point of insanity by constant edits and wasting time, Minerva finally took care of the matter by humanely stabbing Bill Gates in the stomach with a plastic spoon and selling his guts cheaply to McDonalds to be used as Hamburger meat.

For a short period of time, things return to normal, until Bill Gates returned in zombie form due to a loophole in the defunct Plan 9 from Outer Space. He was killed yet again, and Minerva has been allowed to live in peace ever since.

Due to unpopular demand, Skippy Squirrel is released yet another film for the already overstretched Slappy's Angels series, based on the Microsoft Flame War. The film was released in 2020, and was entitled: Slappy's Angels 4: The Quest for More Money.

Love Life[edit]

There are a hell of a lot of people in the world who like to think that they're Minerva's love-toy. Sorry guys, but you're not. Minerva has flirted with many boys over the years, but most of these were simply one-night stands or flings just to try and get a bit more money. Some of these people, as well as those who suffer delusions of grandeur about being her love-toy, have denounced her as a whore on the Internet and on Wikipedia.

Minerva has openly admitted to being bisexual, and as well as her relationship with Skippy Squirrel, she has also confessed to having a strong sexual relationship with Lola Bunny,and Tupac Shakur although this was yet another fling and another attempt to get in the papers.She has confessed to having a relationship with Robotnik but only for the sex.minerva has a fetish for having sex with fat men.

Briefly, she had a fling with Daffy Duck, and ended up pregnant by him. Minerva had an abortion despite Daffy's protests, thinking it cruel and uncaring. She still aborted anyway, and the relationship between her and Daffy soon broke up.

Perhaps a big failure to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend derives from the fact that Minerva keeps pushing people away rather than get to know them. It could be worse, though, at least she doesn't frame them like Paris Hilton. If you want to get her attention, boys, then you have SERIOUSLY got to lose some weight and build up your ass. Minerva Mink is involved sexually with the African-American martial artist and master of the world, Ali Davis.

Filmography[edit]

  • Slappy's Angels 5 (2035) - Herself
  • Slappy's Angels 4: The Quest for More Money (2020) - Herself
  • Playfur Uncut (2015) - Hope Springs
  • Slappy's Angels 3 (2011) - Herself
  • Slappy's Angels: Full Throttle (2009) - Herself