Mola Ram is the CEO of the Halliburton Diamond Mining Corporation of Pangkok. He is best known for his business partnership with Harrison Ford, rampant misogyny, and his lust for young Chinese boys. Ram also founded the Thuggee Cult's Annual Wet T-Shirt Contest And Yard Sale.
Mola Ram was born on May 1, 1492 to parents Steven Spielberg and Barbara Bush. The happy couple fed him only cheeeeeelled MONKEY brains for the first 175 years of his life. As a toddler, Ram enjoyed huffing kittens and moving large boulders from one location to another. He met and fell in love with Queen Anne I of England over the Internet in 1705. She agreed to give him a full scholarship to the university of his choice, providing she could super-glue a piece of red felt up the top of his dome-piece, thereby freakishly deforming him for life.
Throughout the rest of the 18th century, Ram attended Oxford University. He remains on tenure there as an innovator in the fields of open-heart surgery and mind-control technology. Following a drunken one-night-stand with Oscar Wilde, Ram decided he was teh ghey and moved to Hollywood.
Mola enjoyed material success as star and executive producer of INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM, but has since been unable to find much acting work in Hollywood. "They keep typecasting me as this evil ethnic character,” he explained in a 2000 interview with Short Round, a reporter from the Washington Post. “I want to show them my versatility and range as an actor. I also want to flog child slaves with a whip – but that's not all I can do. I can also rip your fucking heart out and show it to you before you die." 184,239,731 innocent civilians were killed in the chaos that ensued following the interview, forcing Ram to relocate to an undisclosed location.
Mola Ram was not heard from until the 23rd Annual Thuggee Cult Wet T-Shirt Contest And Yard Sale. Ram had to publicly flee from the scene because it was A.D. 2007 and war was beginning. Rumor has it that he has been living in a Wal-Mart storage facility in Buffalo, N.Y..
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