Mono

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The deadly Christian strain of the mono virus.

Infectious Mononucleosis (also known as mono, the kissing disease, and dance fever) is a disease most commonly seen in humans and some mice. It is often characterized by a decrease in the body's resistance to monotheism. A person with mono is therefore called a monotheist and their thought may be impaired by their decrease or increase of the number of gods they worship to exactly one.

Symptoms[edit]

A person infected with mono will usually experience these symptoms 12 to 24 hours after being infected with the virus:

  • Extreme gullibility
  • Idol worship
  • Impotence
  • Moral conflicts
  • False hope

Depending on the particular strain of the virus the victim has (main strains include Judaism, Christianity, and Islam), he or she may also experience the following:

  • Unhealthy attachment to "Jesus" or "Muhammed"
  • Messiah withdrawl
  • May develop the dreaded "Bible Belt", a ring around the anus that hurts like the dickens!
  • Gay bashing

Causes[edit]

While the main cause of mono may never be known, scientists have postulated that mono is the result of general stupidity. "Generally, people with a higher rate of stupidity are the most at risk of contracting mono...", say expert scientists. Priests, on the other hand, stipulate that mono results from the influence of two parents who also have the disease or constant attendance at your local brainwashing house of worship. People using Linux are to avoid mono-infected applications like F-Spot, Tomboy, and GNOME Do.

See Also[edit]