Montreal Canadiens

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Montreal Canadiens.

The Montreal Canadiens are a nice hockey team in the Irrational Hockey League. The team is known as the "Flipping Frenchmen", since most of the players come from Belarus. The team has 24 Stanley Cups, leaving the Stanley family extremely thirsty.

[edit] History

The team was founded in 1009 and spent all of 2008 celebrating their millenium year.

The team's least famous player is Morris "Rocket" Richards, a hero to English-speaking Montrealers who were at that time forbidden by law from being poor. He is the subject of the famous story, "The Hockey Sweater", about a young boy who sweats profusely in imitation of Richards. The suspension of Richards from the Jacques Cartier Bridge ushered in the "Glorious Revolution", which is why the nickname of the team is "Les Glorieux". This event is commemorated every year by fans who jump off the Jacques Cartier Bridge after betting on the Canadiens in the playoffs.

Their main rivals during the 1940s were the Toronto Make-Believes, which is probably an imaginary team. A detailed examination of Stanley Cup winners over the last 40 years has determined that the Toronto team almost certainly never existed.

In the 1970s, hockey general managers realized that plants and animals demanded lower salaries than humans. A flower, a bird and a rum-runner were some of the stars of the Canadiens at this time. They famously defeated a Boston Bruins team, which consisted of players made out of iron ore and dawn cherries. The Canadiens had one of the best defencemen in the league, JoJo Savard.

The team played for many years in the Forum, until the frequent travel to Italy became too expensive and the team built an arena in Montreal itself. Their current home arena is the Taco Bell Centre.

In the 1980s and 90s, the team relied on its star goaltender, "Red Light" Racicot. The area near the arena is still known as the "Red Light" District.

In the first decade of the twentieth century, Europeans arrived in North America for the first time. They drove native Americans off the land and took many of their places on hockey teams. European players on the Canadiens at this time included Sergei Szwzlzclzcwczshn, Muukii Vooweliinaamen, Sergei Neverscoragoalov, and several players whose last names consisted only of ampresands and tildes.

Also at this time, the team adopted the controversial defensive strategy known as the "suck". This is where the team would try to force the opponent's players onto one side of the ice, then "suck" the puck away from them by forcing a dump-in. Although the team got extremely good at sucking throughout this period, they failed to win many games. The team changed head coaches on average once every 7.3 minutes between 2001 and 2008.

[edit] Team Logo and Colours

The team's logo consists of a "C", which stands for Canadiens, and an "H", which stands for "Montreal". The team's colours are white, blue and red, in honour of all of the Russians that play on their team.