Mordecai Richler

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Mordecai Richler (January 27, 1931 - July 3, 2001) was the famed author of On Snooker: The Game and the Characters Who Play It, an unappreciated Canadian classic for which he received too little praise, not enough media coverage, and far too little attention from adoring female fans. On Snooker: The Game and the Characters Who Play It is an in-depth analysis of all aspects of snooker, from the cue ball to the brown ball to the green ball to the blue ball...let's see... to the black ball to the yellow ball, to even the pink ball, and also to all the red balls, not to mention cues of different weights, chalk, rules, and an in-depth analysis of hundreds of kinds of racks. On Snooker: The Game and the Characters Who Play It truly proved Richler's deep undertanding of complex issues such as empathy, personal trauma, and bank shots.

Richler also wrote numerous novels, which won him a dozen awards certain people consider to be prestigious.

The Apprenticeship of Mordecai Richler[edit]

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article very remotely related to Mordecai Richler.

Mordechai Richler was born in Montreal in 1931. Prior to that, he worked at a circus. At the age of 19, he dropped out of Sir George Williams College, which led to a job with the CBC. His first novel, The Acrobats, was based on his pre-natal experiences with trapeze artists. It did not sell well: when he claimed acrobats could balance on a wire, the public had trouble with disbelief of suspension.

After three unheralded novels, Richler was apprenticed by Duddy Kravitz, who taught him the art of developing novel characters so realistic that they're referred to as actual people in Uncyclopedia articles. Richler was subsequently propelled to fame by his fourth novel, The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz.

Mordecai Was Here[edit]

Richler wanted to leave his mark on the world. He began by subjugating the citizens of Montreal's Mile End neighbourhood to hours of endless public readings from his fifth novel The Incomparable Atuk. Then he wrote Cocksure (We've included a Wikipedia link in case you think we're making this up). We're unsure why he wrote Cocksure. But he subjugated the entire city of Montreal to hours of endless Cocksure.

It wasn't enough for him. Richler wanted the world. So he wrote Solomon Gursky Was Here, then proceeded with a dastardly plan to sneak into libraries all over the world and replace copies of Charlotte's Web with it. Kids looking for their favourite story about a spider and a pig would discover nothing more than Solomon Gursky Was Here.

In 1986, Richler edited the anthology The Best of Modern Humour. Its lack of any Uncyclopedia articles immeditely made the general public suspicious. Granted, it pre-dated Uncyclopedia by 19 years, but that's hardly an excuse.

Richler subsequently began a career writing for children. His most famous children's book is called Barney's Version, about a purple dinosaur who develops Alzheimer's disease. According to Wikipedia:

Barney may be viewed as an unreliable narrator, in that his recollections go from lucid to ludicrous with his varying mental states, but he is only mistaken about minor things. [1]

Barney's version of the story is somewhat different. In his own words:

I love you, you love me, we're best friends like friends should be.

Richler's response was that Barney was "too delusional" to understand the implications of such a statement.

Mordecai's Version[edit]

Richler disputes the above biography. But he's dead, so there's nothing he can do about it.