Motley Crue

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"Those are guys?! Uh-oh..."

The Pope on Motley Crue...and some pictures he "used"

"Man, these rock so hard my insides fell out!"

A needle on Nikki Sixx's heroin use

Yeah, I might've...

Santa Claus on whether or not he had an orgy with all members of Motley Crue

"These guys are crazy!"

Satan on Motley Crue

The hardest rocking motherfuckers ever...oh yeah.

Motley Crue. Motley fucking Crue. Only the coolest, most badass band Ever!!! Motley Crue have great songs with deep, meaningful lyrics. Motley Crue taught me all about life and all about getting laid. I love to get laid. I used to not, but now I do because Motley Crue taught me that I should. Anyways...

In the Beginning...[edit]

Tommy was a little boy who enjoyed playing the drums alot. He wanted to be in a band, because it would do things to him. Nice, nice things. Tommy went to school with a man by the name of Vince Neil, who was quite notorious from getting lotsa girls and ants pregnant. Yes ants, Ozzy likes those... So Tommy and the second guy jammed a bit but, after the advice of a local citizen, were advised that the band should have some guitar in it. This shocked both Tommy and Vince, but they decided to risk it anyway and get one of these guitarists.

So they went about L.A., being the saints of Los Angeles that they are. They came upon a store that had 'guitar' in the title so they knew this was likely a good place to look. Inside they came upon a guy named Nikki Sixx who had a guitar case in hand. They were like 'Hey baybe, I see you got a guitar case. Do you want to play guitar in our band?'. Nikki says 'oh sure' being the polite, easy going guy that he is. But then, out of nowhere another guy yelled 'NO!! I PLAY GUITAR WITH YOU!!!!!' this guy was named Mick Mars and he was very agressive and so Nikki had no choice but to play a bass. He didn't know how to play, but that didn't matter, because it never stopped Gene Simmons.

So then they got signed to a record company, or something. And they made a great album that had a title. So that was good.

And God said 'Let there be sex' and then there was Motley Crue.

In the Middle...[edit]

Tommy met Heather Locklear. Tommy married Heather. Then awile later met Pamela Anderson and had 2 kids. Mick Mars likes to keep quiet of his private life, but he does state that he has quite a few kids. So does Vince, he thinks. Sixx has some kids with cool names like Storm, Gunner and Decker.

Mick Mars is currently collaborating with some shitty bands, so we only hope that his cool Marsiness shines through brilliantly and the musicians discover that they are working with a god, one who they reckon they should not meld with.

Sixx is doing some cool things with Sixx A.M. and SixxSense. Sixx A.M. has DJ Ashba, who is in the new GNR, and helps out Axl in many, many ways. Sixx also published The Heroin Diaries. My favorite part of the book was when he told of one time him and Jon Bon Jovi had a hotel room and were each on a bed with a girl but Sixx couldn't get hard because 'Jon fucking Bon Jovi kept telling jokes in his fuckin New Jersey accent'.

Tommy Lee is currently being badass and working on the second Methods of Mayhem album.

Vince Neil is writing his autobiography and doing some solo songs n' such. In a recent interview he said he is 'coping with urges to masturbate using pencils'. He was applauded for his sincerity.

In 2009 they released Greatest Hits so that they could have an excuse to tour.

A Movie based on they're album "S.O.L.A" based on the book The Mud is scheduled to be released in 2011 with Chris Cowbell Walken as Ozzy, Miley Cyrus as Vince Neil (Hannah Montana was considered but Cyrus was chosen due to her "blonder" hair.)


Studio albums

Too Fast to Ejaculate [Too Fast to Cum in Canada] (1981)

Shout at the Pelvis Area (1983)

Theatre of Penises (1985)

Men, Men, Men (1987)

Dr. Cumgood (1989)

A Title (1994)

Generation Swine Flu (1997)

New Fondue (2000)

Taints of L.A. (2008)

Live albums

Fuck: Enteranusment or Death (1999)

Carnivorous Lids Live (2006)

Compilation albums

Centuries of Centuriance (1991)

Greatest Hits (1998)

Supermentration and Demonstration Relics (1999)

The Casual Fan Collection: The Most Popular of Motley Crue (2003)

Music to Break Your Dildo to: Vol. 1 AKA Has Anyone Actually Heard of This (2003)

Music to Break Your Dildo to: Vol. 2 AKA And Has Anyone Actually Heard of This One Too (2004)

Loud as [email protected]*k: They Made Us Censor It (2004)

Red, Yellow and Green: The Rasta Years (2005)

The Greatest Hits: Not to Be Confused with 1998's Greatest Hits (2009)