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...Although, since you're already here it's kind of too late for this warning to actually be useful.
|If a boss or coworker sees this article, claim that it was spam and blame the IT guys. Otherwise, continue to read it until your lewd urges are satisfied.|
Mountain Biking is a euphemism for the act of masturbation. Most Mountain Bikers can be found in mountainous areas of land, and are often total wankers. Typically, the term 'mountain biker' is applied only to the most ferocious and vigorous masturbator. It is not unusual for these 'mountain bikers' to masturbate in excess of six times a day. Mountain bikers often refer to their trips as "going for a ride".
Many "mountain bikers" try to cover up their habit by purchasing expensive bicycles and riding them into secluded areas to "mountain bike". Mountain biking in the wilderness is also known as a nature wank. Some of the more homosexual mountain bikers may wear lycra to help stimulate the rubbing effect while getting to a secluded area to masturbate.
While it is true that most of the time mountain bikers will try to mountain bike on their own, often the habit is quite debilitating and the addiction forces them to mountain bike in the presence of others. On many occasions like-minded "mountain bikers" form clubs such as this one. When unable to mountain bike, many "mountain bikers" choose instead to think about mountain biking or read about it on the internet.
Help for potential mountain bikers
Do you know of a "mountain biker", or suspect that one of your friends is involved in "mountain biking? help is at hand.
Mountain Biking - Other Terms
Other terms for masturbation include;
- Pulling The Man Salami
- Busting one out for Margaret Thatcher
- Let your fingers do the walking
Suspected Mountain Bikers
If you suspect a friend is indulging in mountain biking, it is important that you call the police, Alanis Morrisette and Jesus immediately. Included are photos of suspected "mountain bikers" - These men and women should be considered armed and extremely funky.
The man in the red top fondling his sausage is a suspected mountain biker.