Mr. Lordi

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Mr. Lordi.


“Even his costume is better looking than my husband”

~ Victoria Beckham on Mr. Lordi

“After a thourough five minute investigation we conclude that he is not a paedo he wants to be accepted for who he is and you are a sick freak if you think otherwise”

~ Chief Wiggum on Mr. Lordi

“The Devil is a loser and he's my bitch. Hmm, that would make a good song lyric.”

~ ~Oscar Wilde on Mr. Lordi

“Lorid won The Eurovision Song Contest only because of their fancy fireworks.”

~ Captain Obvious on Lordi

First of all, Mr. Lordi is, very very sexy and for the people who already been in hell, the lead singer on a "Glam Hard Metal" band called Lordi. The band is composed of Zombies, Demons and/or any other monstrous creatures... Even a Grue appears in the guest musicians. Mr. Lordi can look like a simple human if we forget the horns, wings, pointy teeth and the burning red eyes, but in some very rare video tapes (some oracles call them "Music Clips") we can see the real powers of Mr. Lordi. On his spare time Mr. Lordi is a reindeerburger joint manager in Lapland.

Famous Finns
Places in Finland

Mr. Lordi's Power Summary[edit]

  • Instant teleportation
  • Feeling Non-believers
  • Killing sight
  • Raise undead minions
  • Superhuman strength
  • Invisibility
  • Banishement
  • Possession
  • Flight
  • Telepathy
  • Fire Breath
  • Posing
  • Small penis
  • luscious breasts

Powers Descriptions[edit]

Instant teleportation[edit]

Mr. Lordi has the ability to move instantly to any location where the percentage of non-believers is very low, with this power, he simply think to a location to move instantly there with the rest of his band and rock the hell outta everybody there. In a rare "Music Clip" someone found on a DVD carried by a headless zombie we have a demonstration of the Mr. Lordi's power on instant teleportation: He's not there... Ohh, he's there!

Feel Non-believers[edit]

This ability is quite useful when Mr. Lordi need some killing, just by looking at anybody he knows if this person is or isn't a believer. The power can also be used otherwise, it indicates instantly places where the believer percentage is low, combined with the spawn anywhere power, it can be devastating.

Killing Sight[edit]

Mr. Lordi using his Killing Sight.

Mr. Lordi can, only with a move of the hand and a look at people, kill them instantly, the victims fall just like if they felt asleep, but they are right dead! Another demonstration of his astonishing power is made in an amateur video made in a Finnish high school where Mr. Lordi appears in the middle on a cheerleader practice and kills them all in one second just by moving the hand.

Raise Undead Minions[edit]

This may lead to a zombie invasion, Mr. Lordi has the ability to raise dead people back to life in seconds. The same tape in a Finnish high school show the utilisation of this ability by Mr. Lordi raising the dead cheerleaders back into zombies and massacring the rest of the school.

Fire Vision[edit]

Similar to the wll known laser vision, Mr, Lordi's fire vision lights whatever he wants on fire. This attack is highly effective against teddy bears and various parts of scenery surrounding Lordi as they play.

Invisibility[edit]

Mr. Lordi can make himself and the rest of his band invisible at will, the only downside of this ability is that he can be seen through cameras or pictures.

Banishment[edit]

All people slain by Mr. Lordi are instantly transported down through the wide path... To hell.

Possession[edit]

Mr. Lordi can possess someone only by touching the person's head. After the touch, the person becomes completely under control of Mr. Lordi. they then continue to sing nonsense in finnish. >yawn<

Flight[edit]

Mr. Lordi's wings are seemingly invisible when withdrawn, but more than large enough to carry him, 5 toddlers, and a grue safely across the border.

Telepathy[edit]

Mr. Lordi used this to find the band's current keyboardist, when she tried to make contact with Ghenghis Khan's head. Luckily for her, the head was fake, and it turned out Mr. Lordi was Ghengis.

Fire Breath[edit]

This power was only caught on video once during an Arctic circle gathering. (Not to be confused with a Scarctic circle gathering.) The fire rushed over the video camera, destroying all but the tape, which was reclaimed by Mr. Lordi himself for use during the 2007 Eurovision Song Contest.

posing[edit]

Mr.Lordi enjoys posing-the devil finds it very attractive. Until Mr. Lordi bends him over a table and has his way with the devil. The devil does not find this amusing, and often cries for hours after said rape.

Small penis[edit]

Mr. Lordi has a very small penis, due to the humangous nature of his testicles.

Mr. Lordi's Purpose[edit]

Since the world is heading towards new directions, new tastes and new ages, rock has been "killed" by RAP, reggae, new age, pop, and all other crap no one want to hear, prayers of those has been heard, and then Mr. Lordi appeared for one simple reason: Kill the heretics, fools and non-believers and bring them down, to hell! He Is the world only hope to escape all the crappy music and to get rid of all the evil Satanists in the world.

Trivia[edit]

  • It is widely speculated (and accepted) that Mr. Lordi is the result of a drunken, twisted, fucked-up, cocaine-fuelled, scat, hair burrito, BD&SM orgy between Gene Simmons, Chewbacca and Freddie Krueger.

Links[edit]