Mr. Melton

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Article summary[edit]

Mr. Melton, while seemingly a teacher at Bridges Academy, is in reality, Ray Charles come back to life with a craving for chicken.

Ray Charles[edit]

A bucket of delicious, delicious KFC

It was the dawn of time. There was nothing but a great, black, void. Then there was KFC.

Ray Charles

KFC, the mighty provider of extra-crispy chicken, was unhappy with floating in the great void. It made the chicken impossible to cook (no fire with no air.) So, KFC made the earth. Then KFC made man. KFC named him Ray Charles and made the first Piano out of a toaster and Ray Charle's mustache. Then this crappy biblical story ended.


Ray Charles dies[edit]

An actual photo of Ray Charles' liver

As shown by this article, Ray Charles died in 2004 from liver disease (clearly from eating too much chicken, as shown by this ACTUAL PHOTO.) But wait... Is he REALLY DEAD?



The return of Ray Charles[edit]

At the exact moment of Ray Charles' death, the fabric of space-time imploded near Bridges Academy, then located in a dentist's office. After much crackling, viewing of parallel universes and all that cool stuff that happens when space/time implodes, out popped an 18-year-old guy in a suit and a funny looking tie. The school immediately hired him as the social studies teacher, because a guy that just entered this universe must know EVERYTHING about it's history, right? Unknown to them, this was no ordinary man in a tie...

The suspicions begin[edit]

In 2005, the school went to an outdoor science trip thingy. It was crappy, but that's another article. One of the students was playing the piano, and Ray Charles (using the name Mr. Melton to avoid suspicion,) burst into song! That student then began to suspect that he was, indeed, Ray Charles come back to life with a craving for chicken!

More evidence[edit]

Weeks later, in class, Ray Charles did this crazy cow ferret impression thingy that is clearly something that only Ray Charles could do.

Chicken addiction[edit]

A completely revelant chart

Having been created by KFC, Mr. Melton (or should I say Ray Charles!) has a massive craving for chicken. He keeps a bathtub of crispy chicken in the closet. The chart shown to the right depicts the ratio of crispy goodness in his bathtub to various completely revelant things.

Probably on crack[edit]

Crack (a tasty snack)

Seeing as he sings like he's on crack, he's probably on crack, shown at right.


The saga continues...[edit]

This article is currently still unfolding. Check back later for updates!