Mullet (haircut)
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“The mullet is a horrible, horrible thing that most likely was invented by Satan.”
“Want a fifty-dollar haircut for your fifty-cent head? No? Well try this.”
Mullets can easily be described by the instruction you give to your barber: "Business in front, party in back." (or, alternately, "The calm before the storm.")
Mainly popularized by Michael Knight and Bon Jovi. The haircut came after a combat with a Samurai, his hair was litteraly cut by the blade of his opponent. The samurai never got the chance to apologize, for he was immeditely roundhouse kicked in the face by Nuck Chorris for his sins against humanity. Needless to say, the samurai's jaw was broken completely off, his pelvis was smashed, his penis turned blue and fell off, his eyes melted and dripped out of the sockets, and all the hair on his body fell off. Also he died. He burned and continues to burn in the deepest recesses of hell. Many people visit his grave each year, just so they can urinate on his gravesite and then do a little dance to further the humiliation. Unfortunately the Samurai became a martyr. A religion, called The Church of The Mulleaux(latin for mullet), formed with the dead samurai as its head. The samurai's body was dug up and placed on a throne made of the chopped off hair of the the Mulleaux paritioners. The Mulleaux sacrificed dogs, children, and pineapples to bring the samurai back to life. The Mulleaux were shunned by normal people and were exiled to the American Southeast in the year 1227. The White Trash, as mentioned in The Mullet Today, are direct descendents of the original Mulleaux.
The only living being capable of not failing while wearing a mullet is MacGuyver who allegedly built it himself using a fork, a wooden stick and a comb.
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[edit] The Mullet Today
Today the mullet is greatly popularized by the social class known as White Trash. Often thought to be a lower species of humans, the White Trash inhabit trailer parks rampant with meth and Nascar. Marriages to cousins are common as are deaths by shotgun. The mullet was chosen by the White Trash as their Mascot and offical hair-style. To be a part of the White Trash and not have a mullet is considered heresy and the punishment is the death of their favorite NASCAR driver. Without this vital life-line, the unfortunate White Trash member will whither away and may possibly get a life, but in rare cases, are known to actually learn what the fuck a good haircut is. This is the main reason you will never find a White Trash member without a mullet. Ever.
[edit] Natural Enemies of the Mullet
- Grues
- Mr.T
- Ultimate Jesus
- Scissors
- Logic
- Hair gel
- Intelligence in general.
- Soylent Green
[edit] Characteristics of People with Mullets
- Living in the South.
- Alchoholism.
- Spouse Beatery.
- Ungood usery of grammer much.
- Liking of Bon Jovi
- Watching every turn in a NASCAR race.
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