Muppets
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“Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet. But man, when they get together...”
~ Homer Simpson on Muppets
“You're not using your brain, you stupid puppets! ”
~ some Scotsman who can't stop shouting at the TV on Muppets
Muppets grew wild in the amazon.com where they have lived peacefully for thousands of years until their capture and slaughter at the hands of Jim Henson, his company, and his evil son Brian for their prized skins and velveteen fur. They now belong to the Viacom company.
[edit] History
Muppets were known by and revered as gods by the local tribes from deep within the rain forests. The standard muppet is 3 ft long by 9.5 ft high, or 125.324 by 1.1 metres, and is covered in a pure white fur (sheds a new coat every 3 years) that is easier to use than wool, cotton or any other material known to man.
In the 1950's a young research scientist named Jim Henson was the first European to see a live muppet. He noted how the tribe had used the muppet fur to create all sorts of wonderfully dyed fabrics. He decided to use the fur to make puppets that he would call "Muppets" to distract the world from the very real animal he was slaughtering to make his puppets from. (the natives only used the fur from the sheddings, but there was not enough muppet fur sheddings to make the puppets en masse.)
When Jim showed his newly discovered muppet to the Queen, she was in such shock over the likeness that he dubbed the fair-haired creature "Miss Piggy" in honour of Queen Elizabeth herself. Jim later discovered one that resembled Phillip, but then found it unsuitable for human consumption and left it to rot in a trash can. Philip, being a big fan of Oscar Wilde named his likeness "Oscar". "Oscar", however, was not the least bit like Sir Wilde, and thus adopted the prince's nickname "The Grouch".
Jimmy was proud of his discovery. Not of the Muppet, itself, of course, but of the delicious bacon-wrapped velveteen frogs legs he was able to procure at the next royal banquet. Muppets then became a delicacy around the world, and with their parrot-like ability to spell, the master Muppet-slaughterer (who could not) made a fortune though his cooperation of exploitation (given the kid-friendly name of "Sesame Street").
The Muppet slaughter continues unabated to this day because of ignorance. If you chance to have a muppet pelt on you, though, you can get a fortune off of it from Ebay.
It is a matter of opinion that all muppets originated by originally starting their origination in the original United States of Australia. Original supporters of this theory claim that this must be the original case since Australians spend much of their time around bars being loud-mouthed with their non-original complaints about Fuzzy Bea-yahr.
- Please note: it is highly unlikely that this theory is original according to two old gits sitting in a box at the back of the theatre. Readers should be advised that this is nothing to worry about as we have paid Bruce Forsyth to set fire to them. No muppets will be harmed during this procedure (except the two on fire at the back obviously)
[edit] Married
- Bob Cratchit & Emily Cratchit -- The Muppet Christmas Carol
- Daddy Dodo & Mommy Dodo -- Follow That Bird
- Daddy Snuffle & Mommy Snuffleupagus -- See You Later, Mashed Potater!
- Earl Sinclair & Fran Sinclair Dinosaurs
- Elmo & Abby Cadaby -- Barney Is Dead
- Elmo's Dad & Elmo's Mom -- Sesame Beginnings
- Elmo's Grandma & Elmo's Grandpa -- Elmo Gets Homesick
- Father Bunny & Mother Bunny -- The Tale of the Bunny Picnic
- Father Mouse & Mother Mouse -- Mopatop's Shop
- Fozzie's Dad & Fozzie's Mom -- Muppet Kids
- Flange Doozer & Wingnut Doozer -- Fraggle Rock
- Gina and Savion -- Sesame Street
- Gordon & Susan -- Sesame Street
- The Hatrack & The Dressing Room Chair -- The Muppet Show episode 112
- Herry's Father & Herry's Mother -- Sesame Street "Herry's Family Song"
- Humphrey & Ingrid -- Sesame Street
- Kermit the Frog & Miss Piggy -- The Muppets Take Manhattan
- King Ploobis & Queen Peuta -- The Land of Gorch
- King Rupert the Second & The Queen -- The Muppet Show
- Luis & Maria -- Sesame Street episode 2485
- Mr. Noodle's Father Mr. Noodle & Mr. Noodle's Mother Mrs. Noodle -- When oscar was a little grouch
- Otto Otter & Etta Otter -- Bear in the Big Blue House
- Pa Gorg & Ma Gorg -- Fraggle Rock
- Papa Bear & Mama Bear-- Sesame Street
- Thomas Twiddlebug & Tessie Twiddlebug -- Sesame Street
- Waldorf & Astoria -- The Muppet Show episode 413
- Sister Bear & Papa Bear -- It's All In The Family Muppet Special
SADIE RULES!!!
[edit] Muppets From Space
Released sometime in the future, Muppets from Space deals with the 1970 Apollo 13 mission to find the Rainbow Connection.
Starring Gonzo as astronaut Lyle Lovet, the film is famous for its attempt at a catch phrase: "Houston, we have a chicken", which is constantly interrupted by astronaut Fozzie Bear and his awful jokes.
Kermit then yanks off Fozzie's space helmet, and his head explodes. The film is rated G.
[edit] The Muppets Take Manhattan
Yes this oldie but a goodie makes for great entertainment. Again Kermit and friends storm the Big Apple! Backed by the force of 12 dancing pigs, and the music of the evil Dr. Strangepork they set off to find their deceased comrade Mr. Spock. Doh!
[edit] Felties
Felties first derived from the original god-like creatures known as Muppets roaming free within the rain forests. Prior to Jim Hensen's invasion of their homeland, a small green pirate visited from England. Having ties to a famous acting troupe under the name of Python, the gentle flippered pirate persuaded a particularly bidimensional Muppet to join his ship and return with him, in hopes of impressing aforementioned Python. When presented to the troup, oddly the Muppet answered to the name of Kermit. (This struck the pirate as odd as he had always fancied that name himself.) When asked to whom this "Kermit" Feltie belonged, one of the drunken and obviously derranged Monty chaps chimmed in a fake French accent "de frog!" So offended was the pirate at being mistaken for a frog, he turned to validating himself through relationships with a real pig.
Sadly, the Muppet was pillaged by the drunken, French faking actor and gave birth to what's commonly known now as a Feltie. Docile, yet far flatter in appearance than it's mother strain of Muppets, Felties enjoy dry humor and gin, often drinking themself senseless while rambling incoherently about politics and sneering at young American women.
The live Muppet is hard to describe due to varying morphology, however most scholars use the Aristotolean method to describe it as 'not quite a mop, not quite a puppet'.
Please save the muppets.
[edit] Anything Muppets
Introduced in Consider Yourself.AKA Anything People for types see
[edit] Fat Blue
- Uncle from Consider Yourself(First Fat Blue Anything Muppet)
- Father from 5 People in The Family
- Grandmother Happy
[edit] Green
- Brother From Consider Yourself(First Green Anything Muppet)
- A Snowth(1969)
[edit] Orangegold
- Captian from Imagine That
[edit] Purple
- Mother from Consider Yourself(First Purple Anything Muppet)
- Other Brother from 5 People in my family
- One of the Snowths(1969)
[edit] Lavender
- A Blank Lavender
[edit] Pumpkin
- Father from Consider yourself(First Pumpkin Anything Muppet
[edit] Hot Pink
- Harold Happy
- Helen Happy
- Timmy Twiddlebug(1970s)
[edit] Reddish Magenta
- Little Girl From Consider Yourself(First Anything Muppet)
[edit] Pumpkin Orange
- Ernestine
[edit] Light Green
- Jean the Genie
- Murray
[edit] Lavender
- Sonny friendly
- Pickles
[edit] Large Orange Live Hand
- Laundromat Manager
- Sir John Feelgood
- Murray the Melroice
- Mo
[edit] Pear Shaped Fuschia
- Flo
- Abby Cadabby
- Tony
- Smelly Dwarf
- Johnny from Man Of Lamuncha
- Breakfast Club Singer
[edit] Large Pink Live Hand
- Prairie Dawn's Mom
- Sadie Schwartszum
- Virginia , Virginia
[edit] Famous Muppets that you Never Knew
- Jim Henson is secretly a muppet himself, and dreams of a world where humans and muppets coexist peacefully. To achieve this end, he assembled a team of superpowered muppets to destroy his archnemisis Bert.
- Mick Jagger, once featured on Sesame Street's famed episode Gimme Shelter, sang various songs as "Cock around the Clock" during Kermit's sing-along.
- Moe, from The Simpsons, broke the Muppet racial boundary, being the first Muppet ever to star in a cartoon; a happy day for Muppet rights activists.
- Paris Hilton, daughter of Miss Piggy, retaliated for her mother's cruel slaughter by taking over the mind of the average American, providing cover so that otherwise-obvious Al Queda agent George W. Bush can operate unnoticed. Women who wish that they could be as thin eventually become muppets.
- Elmo. Yes, that cute and adorable plush "tickle-me" toy that you have buried in your closet is really a MUPPET. His hideous plan is to create a "Tickle-me you".
- In Soviet Russia, "Tickle-me Elmo" already tickles you!
- Harpo Marx is actually the abandoned love child of Grover and Janice (lead guitarist for The Electric Mayhem). If you thought about it you would have guessed this one.
- Michael Jackson. He started off as a young muppet, running free in the forest, but when he lost his coat of nice caramel velveteen, he went mad. Plastic, the closest material to velveteen, then slowly began to cover his disfigurement.
[edit] Muppet Movies you Never Knew were Made
- The Muppet Movie Movie
- The Muppets Do Dallas
- Kermit Vs Big Bird
- Gonzo Vs Elmo
- Kermit and Miss Piggy Make a Porno
