Muse

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This Muse Track List is thought to contain a deep hidden meaning, though currently it remains unbroken.

“I have a revealing black hole to show them.....”

~ Noel Coward on Muse

“CAUSE' YOU WANT IT NOOOOOW...”

~ Matthew Bellamy on The Resistance

“COME IN MY CAVE.....”

~ Noel Coward on Muse

Muse (1991 - present) are a progressive rapcore symphonic gospel folk country blues acid house dance-pop hardcore punk nerdcore hip-hop heavy metal cheese alien alternative space rock band formed in Teignmouth, Devon, UK in 1991. Or they may be a band from Mars, England, called Queen, or even Radiohead as has been claimed by notable historian Kurt Yorke, OBE.

Muse were signed to their record label after an A&R person saw a gap in the market for a band to appeal to the ugly, smelly virgin market.

Formation[edit]

Muse was formed when Matt Bellamy stupidly decided to bring up quantum physics in a bar. Neither Dominic Howard nor Chris Wolstenholme knew what he was on about, so they decided to have a crazy orgy in Japan instead, in which 20 people were injured and 4 actually died.

Matt Belle Amy is an alien, (he is in fact the original Dr. Who) as is common knowledge, who often sings about his adventures in his TARDIS and his home planet of Gallefray in his music. Indeed, "Starlight" refers to the ship that the primitive peoples of the Time Lordian solar system managed to build. Because of this, nobody knows his true name, or indeed how his anatomy works, but it is clear from his remarkable, catchy yet evil voice that he must have no testes. His fondness for Armenian boys has led many to conclude that he is indeed a closet homosexual. Another opinion however is that he is bisexual due to his obsession with building skinny, blonde lifelike plastic dolls to keep him company (these include Billie Piper and Dominic Howard), it is a little known fact that Billie Piper was the subject for the song 'Plug-in Baby' due to the fact that she will only operate when connected to an electrical source. One must also take into consideration when examining his inspirations that the song "Knights of Cydonia" refers to the home planet of the Cybermen who he has defeated many a time. The cover of "Black Chickens and Oysters" features four men sitting on a table on the surface of Mars. This is proof of the fact that he is indeed an alien and that he is looking for others who are aliens. "Sunburn" refers to the fact that his skin fries easily due to the -100 degrees on Gallefray. "Exo-Politics" is him fighting against the government's opposition to his fellow Time Lords. "Muscle Museum" refers to strange Time Lordian fetishes. "Stockholm Syndrome" is an area on his home planet where people sing in high voices about cheese. If I went into any more detail....your head would explode. Despite being part of an alien race that has barely any musical ability, Matthew Bellamy is hailed as one of, or the greatest guitarists of the 21st century, capable of shooting fire and lightning out of his Sirian-made guitar, and playing it without actually holding or knowing where it is. His whiny voice also proves that he is, in fact, an alien. His life goal is to make Thom Yorke, his biological father, cry everyday. The band "Muse" is just a by product of this.

As a result of his song "Knights of Cydonia", Bellamy has become one of the most hated men in the universe. The locals of the quiet Mars settlement have reportedly put out numerous intergalactic complaints about Bellamy, as his song has brought an influx of tourists to their otherwise peaceful town.

Chris Wolfenstein is a different story. He is actually black, despite what many would expect. How else would anyone be able to drop such a fat-ass bass line? The reason that nobody has ever noticed this, is that Chris Wolstenholme cannot be looked at directly, as he is a small but very deadly black hole which Matt Bellamy brought with him on the way to Earth, and forms a blank spot on the retina which all sentient beings simply refuse to acknowledge. It is rumoured that he can be seen at night when there is a waxing gibbous moon and the sun is in Ophiuchus, but this is yet to be proven. He has the ability to use an electric guitar WITHOUT A PICK.

Demonic Coward met the other two members of Muse in a bar in 1994, and chancing to see Chris Wolstenholme partially out of the corner of his eye, his talent was sucked out of him on the spot. Fortunately, it was returned back to him later after a formal complaint lodged by fans after the completion of the live song "Jimmy Kane". The song was never seen again. The Waorani tribe believe that his teeth, when extracted, can harness the power of the sun, moon and stars. He has the ability to smash metal instruments, and enjoys the company of small fluffy animals to sup of an evening. It is rumoured that Dom is part-spider and that he actually enjoys stopping Matt's flying guitars with his head.

Muse formed a few weeks after the aforementioned 'bar incident', releasing their first EP just ten days later, entitled merely 'Improvised'.

Conspiracy[edit]

Matthew Nobelly's fetish for dolls led him to purchase this life size Italian Barbie. The song Plug-In Baby was written for it.

Muse often hide cryptic messages within their song titles, album names, and lyrics. These cryptic messages often turn out to be anagrams or other codes, which in turn seem to form parts of a larger, as-yet unsolved puzzle, which many Muse fans and conspiracy theorists believe contains top-secret information about government affairs with aliens, which Matt has acquired using his alien skills. The government still insists that it is all a coincidence.

It is thought that due to increased suspicion from officials in government, future anagrams require ever more complicated methods of decryption, including Caesar squares, the use of an M-3 Enigma naval simulator or even Welsh.

Another Muse conspiracy is the song Assassin, which was created to destroy future rival bands. Any drummers attempting to play Assassin would find that they end up hitting themselves in the face and/or crotch with their sticks, thus ruining the potential of other bands trying to challenge Muse and granting them universal supremacy over everything. Sing for Absolution details him singing for the absolution of the meeting of Thrice and Muse in a grand temple in Hyrule.

Matthew Bellamy is widely regarded as the sole reason for the fall of the Soviet Union and is therefore considered a demi-god in rural regions of Russia. He discusses this in the song "Stockholm Sydrome."

The song "Hysteria" is actually about Oscar Wilde, and vice versa.

After a recent tour of Vinrex 24-A, a planet quite close to Matt's home, their song "Shrinking Universe" became a number one hit and received worldwide airplay. It was at this point that the universe actually shrunk, revealing the true reason as to why Muse wrote the song. Fortunately. Earth is not in the same universe as Vinrex 24-A and thus is still in one piece. However, airplay of this song has since been banned in our universe, particularly on Mars.

Recently, Muse created a scavenger hunt across the galaxy to find USB sticks that contained codes that would unlock pieces of their new song, "United States of Eurasia." Matthew Bellamy hid an additional USB containing every song from their new album in a mic that Thom Yorke uses for concerts. One night, Thom Yorke was singing on stage when all the sudden he heard chanting in the crowds. He ignored it until he suspected moshing was going on. He looked up to find all his fans dead on the floor covered in Muse stickers. Rabid Muse fans appeared on stage as Thom Yorke swallowed the USB stick that he just noticed. The fans grabbed chainsaws and hacked apart Thom to retrieve the USB stick. But then a supermassive black hole opened up, destroying the USB and Radiohead forever. The Muse fans escaped using special teleportation devices that Chris Wolstenholme created in his laboratory on Mars.

Subliminal Messages In Muse Songs[edit]


The strangest subliminal message of all can be found in the song "Blackout", which although has at least 20 different words (apparently) and various instrumental gaps, appears to repeat the words 'God Help Us We Sing Like Bloody Goats' over and over for the whole song. Matt Bellamy has claimed to have put this message in deliberately, but these lyrics would suggest self-deprecation, which is a skill that Sirians are not capable of, except for three. "Apocalypse Please" also has subliminal messages, four or five of them in fact. If it is played backwards, it doesn't say "Great Wilbraham"

Muse Live[edit]

The media of the day regard Muse as a great live band, and this is shown by the fact that the band have won over two awards since the start of their music career. However, unbeknownst to them is the secret brain deterring wavelengths that Muse's music produces, which put mere humans in a trance-like state of enjoyment and awe. This phenomenon is evidenced by a selection of quotes I have collected: [And by I, we of course mean an unbiased and reliable scientific source]

"Wow Muse were good weren't they?"
"YES MASTER"
"Did you see the fireworks"
"YES MASTER"
"Amazing weren't they. I particularly liked when he transformed into a woman and gave me fellatio"
"YES MASTER"
"I loved the part where the vocalist devoured infants.
"YES MASTER"

[Conversation post-Muse concert between a Muse fan and a kitchen sink].

New album: Paranoid Android[edit]

Shortly after the release of Slow Whiz, Muse has announced that they wanted to write about stuff that flies into your backyard and wakes you up in the middle of the night with loud buzzing noises. The band started recording the album in Matt's basement while they were finishing up their Black Hoes and Fornications tour. Shortly after they finished the recording process, Chris revealed in an interview that the band is now writing songs for the album. The album is now being packaged by Matt's alien slaves and will be released on VHS in October.

Muse Albums[edit]

  • Slow Whiz (2001)
  1. "Moonburn" (6/18/99) 8:35
  2. "Hustle Museum" (10/4/99) 5:35
  3. "Ryan Phillip" (11/26/99) 2:48
  4. "Falling Up" (11/25/99) 8:47
  5. "Hole" (12/25/99) 6:59
  6. "The Shoob Whiz" (2/14/00) 4:39
  7. "Punintended" (2/25/00) 9:47
  8. "You Aren't In My Top 8 Anymore" (4/11/00) 11:11
  9. "Drunk" (7/3/00) 3:57
         * "Fuzzy Noise" (bonus track between "Drunk" and "Arrival" on North Korean release) (8/4/00) 4:15
 10. "Arrival" (1/14/01) 7:06
 11. "Overdue by hours" (2/14/01) 5:37
 12. "Love This & I'll Shag You"(japan only) (3/12/01) 6:14
  • Orgies of Humility (2004)
  1. "New Porn! (Yes!)" (12/12/02) 4:11
  2. "Bliss (via New Porn)" (2/3/03) 2:01
  3. "Demented Space Exploration" (5/25/03) 4:36
  4. "ADD" (9/24/03) 5:25
  5. "Plug In Baby - Made In Japan" (11/25/03) 4:23
  6. "Uncyclopedian Erased" (4/24/04) 1:36
  7. "Microsluts" (5/6/04) 4:26
  8. "Queenager" (5/9/04) 6:25
  9. "Light Shines" (7/7/04) 7:27
         * "Pasturism" (Bonus track on Pluto release) (12/1/04) 1:11
 10. "Orgasm'" (3/24/05) 2:36
 11. "Schizophrenia" (5/1/05) 6:26
  • Hugabaloo (They are a fan of Jungle Book) (2006)
  1. "Forced Out (Pimple Song)" (6/3/05) 3:15
  2. "Surviving Universe" (7/24/05) 7:24
  3. "Lunchtime YAY!" (9/8/05) 0:24
  4. "No, Thanks"(North Pole only)– (3/1/06) 3:05
  5. "Map of Your face (Cantonese B-side)" (3/1/06) 4:12 
  6. "Cliffs Are My Friends, I Partictulary Enjoyed Beachy Head" (9/4/06) 3:54
  7. "Shine (Electricacoustic)" (4/1/07) 3:13
  8. "Not Afraid" (1/3/06) 3:35
  9. "The Gallery's Secret (Japan Only)" (6/4/05) 7:25
 10. "ADD Music" (1/3/07) 5:23
  • Abortsolution (2007)
  1. "Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp Stomp (Yeah you guessed it but Japan only!)" (3/5/07) 3:25
  2. "Apocalypse Cheese" (7/7/07) 6:30
  3. "Time is Divorcing Me" (2/4/07) 3:15
  4. "Sing for Asphixation" (2/4/07) 4:26
  5. "Tourette Syndrome" (1/2/08) 5:32
  6. "Falling Away with Yo Momma" (1/2/08) 3:15
  7. "Internet" (4/3/08) 5:12
  8. "Chaotic Randomness" (Bellamy/Wolstenholme/Spock) (4/10/08) 4:04
  9. "Wipeout" (5/1/08) 5:12
 10. "Butter Pie and Curry Stains (they never come out!)" (1/2/08) 5:23
 11. "The Giant Mint" (8/9/08) 5:46
 12. "Desperately" (11/1/08) 3:13
 13. "Thoughts of a Dying Andrew Schlafly" (12/22/08) 3:45
 14. "Pwned By Noobness" (12/31/08) 4:56
  • Black Hoes and Fornications (2009)
  1. "Take A Bath" (12/31/08) 5:01
  2. "Fleshlight" (1/9/09) 2:23
  3. "Supermassive Asshole" (3/3/09) 4:03
  4. "Map of Idioteque" (Also bound to attract lots of bad remixes) (4/30/09) 4:24
  5. "Soldier's Moan" (Feat. John McCain)" (5/6/09) 4:25
  6. "Impotent" (6/23/09) 6:24
  7. "Ass Ass In" (notably covered by Wyclef Jean) (9/20/09) 6:45
  8. "Ex-O-Alcoholics" (10/23/09) 4:21
  9. "City of Defecation" (12/1/09) 3:24
  10. "Hoedown (Feat. Dolly Parton)" (Bellamy/Paris Hilton) (1/6/10) 3:24
  11. "Pimps of Cydonia" (1/6/10) 5:24
  12. "Holyarse" (sponsored by the Pope's bottom) (2/23/10) 2:14
  13. "Someone Spent Way Too Much Time Making Fun Of Our Song Titles With Bad Puns. They Have 
       Been Taken Care Of, This Song Consists Of Their Screams As We Stole Their Soul And 
       Used It To Remix A New Song" (3/24/10) 9:01
  • The Regicide Assisstant (2010)
  1. "downsiding" (6/14/10) 5:06
  2. "Resistor" (9/12/10) 3:25
  3. "Unclothed & for hire (A song about Chris)" (11/1/10) 3:25
  4. "United Staples of Euthenasia" (12/14/10) 7:12
  5. "Guiding (my laser) sight" (2/1/11) 4:24
  6. "A nasal sedation" (8/3/11) 3:45
  7. "MkNuggets" (2/12/12) 2:24
  8. "My bung to you (+ french suff making this album fail) (2/24/12) 4:26
  9. "Eggs on the jeans of your sis: Simpson's phoney (I: Ovary Tuning; II: Crux Fornication; III: Red Empathy) (3/25/12) 8:16
  10. "Madness" (6/1/12) 4:36
  • "The 69th Jaw" (2012)
 1. "Supreme Assery" (8/23/12) 7:08
 2. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bald-bald-baldness" (8/23/12) 5:06
 3. "Panic, We've Sold Out to the Radio Station" (9/4/12) 4:30
 4. "Pee and Poo" (10/12/12) 1:00
 5. "Cervical" (10/14/12) 6:06
 6. "Swallow Me" (1/1/13) 5:45
 7. "HUMANS MUST DIE" (1/2/13)6:39
 8. "Ass Imploders" ("Ex-Whorers" on British release and "Internet Explorer" on Canadian release) (1/2/13)4:56
 9. "Big Cock (In Your Ass)" (1/2/13) 6:09
 10. "Save the Whales" (1/6/13) 77:00 (Muse's longest song to date)
 11. "Dickweed Slate" (2/1/13) 3:33
 12. "The 69th Jaw: Unfuckable" (2/12/13) 4:56
 13. "The 69th Jaw: Lubricated Dildo" (4/25/13) 5:55
  • "Paranoid Android" (2015)
 1. "YouTube Porn" (12/2/14) 34:23
 2. "Movie Piracy" (4/1/15) 1:30:06
 3. "Recycling" (9/4/15) 0:5
 4. "Slightly Friendly" (11/11/67) 6:20
 5. "Rappers" (3/6/15) 3:01
 6. "Handjob" (5/7/15) 0:45
 7. "Joseph Stalin" (8/15/15)6:39
 8. "Defecator" (1/18/18)10:56
 9. "That Car Racing Game From The 90s" (1/9/15) 4:04
 10. "Just Before Literature Class" (1/15/15) 10:00
 11. "There's Nothing Outside My Room" (3/1/17) 3:37
 12. "Wind-Up Toy" (11/12/15) 1:23

See also[edit]