Muslim

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“It says here that the feud between Christians and Muslims is a war to create peace for each others peoples, and both sides fundamentals include peace...so why's there a war?”
~ Captain Oblivious in one of his more brilliant moments
“I'm slim.”
~ Alicia Keys on Muslims
“Damn Sand Niggas...”
~ The KKK on Arabs
Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg Warning, reasoned discussion with a Muslim may lead to Acquired Islamo-Deficiency Syndrome or death!


Human Islamo-fascism Virus
Bin laden virus.jpg
Human Islamo-fascism Virus, the pathogen that infects Muslims.
Virus classification
Group: Group VI (ssRNA-RT)
Family: Retroviridae
Genus: Lentivirus
Species: Human islamo-fascism virus 1
Species: Human islamo-fascism virus 2


Islam (as in I slam, as in I slam planes into buildings) is the common name for a person suffering from the disease known as Acquired Islamo-Deficiency Syndrome or AIDS. The condition spread by the Human Islamo-fascism Virus or HIV which attacks the cognitive functions in the western hemisphere of the brain. The term is derived from the word for "submission" in Arabic, the native language in the region where the first known infection is reported to have taken place. The disease is transmitted through direct contact of a theophanic membrane or the bloodstream with a bodily fluid containing the Human Islamo-fascism Virus. This transmission can come in the form of sexual contact, a blood transfusion, exchange between mother and child during pregnancy, childbirth, or circumcision, piercing with contaminated objects, or other exposure to infected individuals.

No reliable cure exists for the disease, though regular treatment with crusades may slow the progress of an infection; administration of this medicine can be costly in countries where it is available, however, and thus access to the treatment is limited. Additionally some studies suggest that those infected with the similar disease of Judaism may be inoculated against infection. Since its emergence in the 7th century, AIDS has spread rapidly to the point where as many as a third of the world's population may consist of infected Muslims. While widespread infection has yet to penetrate some areas of the world, the disease is now considered a global pandemic.

Origin and Initial Spread

The initial zoonosis to Patient Zero by the Angel Gabriella.

The Muslim Patient Zero or index case was an Arabic man who lived in Mecca in the late 6th and early 7th centuries and was the husband of a local trader. The initial infection was spread within Mecca and was largely limited to friends, family and the clan of the Patient Zero. The infected individuals were quarantined in neighboring Medina, where the infection took root as an epidemic and spread to the larger region, mostly by (s)words, on which contaminated blood was able to reside and subsequently find its way beneath the skin of further individuals.

The Human Islamo-fascism Virus is thought to have originated after jumping from wild cherubim (Homo divinis angeles) to humans shortly before the time of its discovery. The mutated virus capable of infecting humans is thought to have come into existence within an incarnation of God (Homo divinis jesusus) who contracted the disease during a three-day residency in hell. The godhead likely still serves as a reservoir for the disease and further transmission of the disease or another mutation thereof may again cross species lines through another "prophet."

Currently two strains of Human Islamo-fascism Virus infect humans: HIV-1 and HIV-2. HIV-1 infects so-called "Sunni Muslims" and is the cause of the majority of HIV infections globally, while HIV-2, which causes "Shiite Muslims," is largely confined to Iran and neighboring regions. HIV-1 was the virus that was initially identified, while HIV-2 is a mutation that occurred within the cousin/son-in-law of Patient Zero. The two variants are substantially the same, though individuals with HIV-2 exhibit higher rates of flagellated back syndrome as an opportunistic infection. The prevalence of HIV is highest in the Middle East, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Iran, Pakistan, and North Africa.

Muslims and Driving

It is a known fact that Muslims can't drive. They always end up crashing into massive fucking buildings like airports (Glasgow) and the Twin Towers. If you can't avoid two massive towers you really ain't got a hope in hell of passing your driving test.

However British Muslims are far more safety conscious and generally like to sit in the middle lane doing 55 m.p.h. on the M6 motorway preventing hurrying infidels from passing. They are very similar to female students or old age pensioners - but with black beards and prayer hats.

Muslim Fashion

Muslim Women pride themselves on wearing tents. The Muslim woman carries a series of pegs under her tent in case of a slight gust of wind. Muslim women flying down the street in high winds is a common sight, occasionally ending with an explosion when they impact the ground, usually caused by a hidden C4 pack. The Other Muslim Hijaab fashion is the Post box look. Just a slit in the head piece allows them to see, and you to mail your post through.

Muslims and McDonalds

It isn't a rare thing to see a McDonalds filled with Muslim staff in UK cities. On spotting a Muslim, take not that they ask 'What drink would you like?' more than once, and even after answering, persist as if you never asked for Coke to start with. Also, always check your change after being served; they are known to use the money for home-made bombs, made of Big Macs left over after their shifts.

Allah

The opening lines of the Qu'ran reads "durka durka durka" which translates to "go forth and rape random shit at will." Allah lived in Islamabad (Iz'lahm-uh-BAD), and played football for Islamabad FC but he was so shitty they kicked him off the team. Pissed off at this Allah went backpacking for a year to clear his head. On holidays Allah discovered that he liked men - just as friends. It has been scientifically proven that Allah was a kind generous god, furthermore, Nigerian scientists have proven that Allah enjoyed receiving as well as giving. But he wasn't as weird as the Sikh gurus who grew their pubes to 50 metres long then used them to climb walls. When he got to India the guru went in search of cock but couldn't find any large enough to satisfy his lust. He got by for the first week raping what little farm animals he could find but soon grew tiresome of fluffy rectums and went in search of a big queen style overly camp faggot whom he could bum for all eternity. Unfortunately, he was an ugly prick and every fag he found wouldn't let them bum him, so he got really pissed off and became an alcoholic and ate pork chops all day. Then he wrote a really stupid and angry book called the Guru Granth Sahib which millions of fellow angry retards across the world follow to this day. It has been scientifically proven that the Guru Granth Sahib promotes being a closet gay, it encourages readers to bum and rape the asses of other men but keeping really quiet about it at the same time. As is the case with all Arab men, reading the Guru Granth Sahib prompts the growth of pubic hair on the face of the reader and it is known fact that all Sikhs with those long beards actually grew pubes on their chins from reading the Guru Granth Sahib while bumming their male friends.

Stages of Infection

This woman in stage two of infection has to cover herself fully lest the lustful glances of men cause her flesh to burst into flames.

Infected individuals exhibit symptoms corresponding to several stages of infection, which progress through time and severity. Though infected individuals can sometimes progress through these stages very quickly, most Muslims survive indefinitely at one of the earlier stages of the disease.

Stage One

At the early stages of infection, the subject suffers only minimal cognitive damage and can still interact productively with the western hemisphere of his or her brain. At this level of infection the subject may suffer inability to ingest food in daylight hours during one month of the year, compulsion to give away money, and the subject will also acquire a love for the smell of the floor, no matter where he is making him smell it 5 times a day. The subject will also begin to orient himself toward the site of the disease's initial appearance, especially during the aforementioned five daily periods, and he may develop the desire to travel to that site.

Muslim fashion

Stage Two

At the second stage of infection the subject begins to suffer significant problems interacting with his western hemisphere; he may also suffer degradation of his humor processing cortex, preventing him from productively reading material on his condition. At this stage, many patients begin to exhibit external signs of infection. Men grow long beards, while women's skin becomes hyper-sensitive to male visual contact and must be covered by a large protective garment called a burqah.

Stage Three

By the third stage of infection the patient is in critical condition and begins to pose a threat to those around him. Viral infection has built up pressure within the victim's body and has weakened the integrity of his skin and organs. The Muslim is thus in danger of spontaneously exploding, causing injury or death to those around him, The Muslim suddenly gets an urge to use public transport (trains, buses). See Allah-u akbar. Danger of explosion is particularly acute around tall buildings or Jews. Patients will also feel the urge to call all Westerners infidels.

Stage Five

Stage five of the infection is the oddest and rarest of its manifestations and it occurs only after the Muslim has exploded as part of stage three. At this point the infected male — only males reach this level of infection — will cause the hymen of any woman he penetrates to regenerate, perpetually making her a "virgin" in what one can only assume is the most frustrating ordeal ever.

Prevention

"No bombs here sir!!"

Though no definitive inoculation exists against the disease, there are several steps that can be taken to minimize infection when exposed to a Muslim.

  • Drop whatever you may be doing and continually stare at the subject to try and deter them from moving any closer to you or those around you.
  • Prevent the Muslim from coming into contact with other individuals using a cage or leash.
  • Use a condom or other prophylactic when handling Muslim fluids.
  • Ward your theophanic membranes using ritual hats or caps.
  • To prevent deterioration of your brain's western hemisphere, say the word "freedom" constantly.
  • Enjoy healthy Jewish pass-times often; hold a Bar Mitzvah.
  • Blow places up before they do!
  • Dress like a Muslim as they will love you back.
  • Whenever in contact with a Muslim, before talking to one, make sure you strip search them first
  • Exposure to pork delicacies have been found to be an effective way to deter a Muslim from coming near you
  • Do not, I repeat, do not ever get near one as infection can be transmitted via fleas which calls a Muslim's beard 'Home'
  • To prevent violence NEVER EVER DRESS LIKE A JEW
  • Avoid eye-contact: rumour has it they are hypnotic kaleidoscopes.
  • Do not eat their curry as it contains the virus.
  • Do not get into their cabs or use their corner shops.

Muslims erotica

The following sex acts are common place:

Anal- performed as a male on male and male on female sex act, no protection is used and ejaculation is totally acceptable.

Rimming- performed as a way as cleaning a Muslim of his or hers sin. The giver is usually a close relative of the receiver if not best friend.

Blow jobs- performed as a way of connecting with spiritual side of life by sucking on a mans nob the giver will feel closer to Allah and some say in some cases the man receiving will turn into Allah who has a 12 inch penis and cum in the mouth of the giver to show his appreciation. hand jobs are a good way to waste time and to cum easily.

Cum eating is accustom to Muslims family share cum on a day to day basses.

How to spot A Muslim

Plot

On one side is a fictional piece of rubbish, made in a galaxy far far away, the other is Star Wars.

Muslims are people that live in the middle east. It is very easy to spot a Muslim because they have a towel on their head. One reason Muslims wear a rag on their head is because that's a good place to carry explosives. All Muslims are loony tunes, not surprising because they watch cartoons like Tom & Jerry over and over for hours on end, taking time out to pray five times a day.

Muslims smell bad because they never take a bath. Muslims have camels, this leads to them being called Camel Jockeys. Camels smell almost as bad as Muslims.

No one is sure what a Muslim eats to survive. No one is sure what a camel eats to survive. It is very easy to remember a Muslims name, because they are all named Mohammad, Muslims don't like to put much thought into choosing names for their kids, Muslims are simple people. Muslims are mad all the time, Muslims are mad because they never eat pork but their wives look like pigs. This proves the theory that if you do not eat port and your wife looks like a pig you will be very mad. I guess they found out years ago that camel meat taste terrible.

Camels like to spit on Mohammad. Usually the only bath Mohammad gets is the camel spit. Mohamed has his towel handy to dry off with, so the towel on his head is extremely practical.

Mohammad dislikes Christians and Jews, they are constantly thinking up ways to do away with Christians & Jews. A really dumb Muslim even had a bomb in his shoe that he was going to blow up an airplane with, but dumb Mohammad forgot to put a fuse to the bomb, he mistakenly put the flame to his toe which caused him to scream in agony, security arrested him, he is now serving life in jail and working on a terrorist bible.

Antiallah copy.png

As can be seen besides all the other problems they have they are also extremely dimwitted and uncreative. Muslim women are also very ugly, they are so ugly that they wear this sheet over their head, kind of like KKK; this is good because Christians are spared from looking at them. It is not good for banks and quick stops. A trend that is catching on in the urban neighborhoods is to don a black sheet and rob the quick stop or hold up the bank. A sharp eyed cop can discern the discrepancy though because the thief makes the get-away in a car instead of a camel.

Muslims lie about everything and anything, therefore their society is in disarrays, because Mohammad lies and he can't be trusted. The Koran teaches them to lie, cheat and steal. Never believe anything a Muslims says; come to think of it never believe anything a politician says, politicians and Muslims have much in common.

Muslims make pretty good terrorist, and all terrorist are Muslims. This makes it very easy for the authorities to locate the terrorist, just look for the guy on the camel with the rag on his head. Christians could wipe out Mohammad the terrorist relatively easy, just ask the Japanese, Christians have much technology at their disposal, B-52's for carpet bombing and nuclear submarines to name a couple, but Christians like to toy with Mohammad for entertainment purposes, What would Fox & CNN news do if they didn't have Mohammad to kick around? Some Christians think a Stadium; modeled along the lines of the one the Roman Empire had would be a nice addition to the NYC Skyline. THe Romans shut it down because they had run out of lions and dark skinned people to slaughter.

Ahab the Arab is Mohammedan's favorite song. Mohammad steers clear of China though; Chinese have a very low tolerance for Muslims, its shoot on sight there. Chinese obviously have a less developed sense of humor than Christians.

Muslims don't work because no employer can pay them to take time off to pray 5 times a day, very little work would get done, just like the AFL-CIO union. Kneepads are a big seller for Mohammed the merchant. Besides Muslims have very few if any skills, they can however blow themselves up and they do it quit often, proves my point. Muslims believe that they will have 54 virgins waiting in heaven, they also believe they will be pretty western girls, this makes them anxious to strap on the bomb belt that they all have in the tent, and go to a market somewhere. Christians on the other hand like to fly at 10,000 feet and blow things up or launch from a ship or sub.

Muslims do a lot of breeding, 8-12 kids is about average, thing is they can't feed all these kids, so they raise them to blow themselves up. Christians wonder how you could have sex with such an ugly woman. The kids are just as ugly as the parents except they don't have facial hair. A very sad sight to see kids that ugly, you wish for them to grow up fast so they can cover up with that strange looking sheet that the old Muslim women wear.

Muslims know a few English words even, their favorite is Racist, using this word alone makes an instant ally of liberals. Liberals & Muslims have one thing in common, they both hate Christians.

If the police happen to pull Mohammad over for violation of traffic laws, like riding a camel on the street, the first word out of Mohammad's mouth is racist or profiling. If you want to have some fun with Mohammad casually mention Christian Crusaders, then sit back and watch the fireworks. Mohammad straps on his bomb belt and evaporates, best to get back a few feet to avoid injury.

The first Mohammad, the Muslim that founded this so called religion, took a 9 year old wife, and had many other wives. How smart can you be if you want all these ugly woman around you all the time? Muslims offspring's have an 85% chance of being female, so Mohammad has plenty of butt-ugly women. All Muslim women are rarely seen, and no one seems to know what common name the women use, I have done extensive research and I don't have an answer for that one.

Muslims often kill their female offspring out of sheer repugnance. Muslims can make money from male offspring and apart from blowing up things the only thing a Muslims wants is to hug his money. A female Muslim is incredibly proud when its daughter grows its first mustache. After beating a Muslim to the floor you will find their money contained in tissues, handle with care as they may have infected the tissue- stupid Muslims believe the tissue has magic powers and is impenetrable, but what do they know... silly beggars.

Muslims tear things down, and blow things up as best they can with their limited resources. Christians build great buildings and great warships. It is possible for Mohammad to learn to steer a plane, trouble comes when they remember that they can not land the plane, something they should have though of before they took off, a good landing for a Muslim is to run into some sort of building. All Muslim landing are what we in the west call "Crash Landings". Muslims cheer crash landings, especially if Mohammad is lucky enough to have found a building to crash into. They can be observed in the middle east dancing in the street and chanting, after such a "landing". Just imagine how ecstatic they would be if one actually managed to land on a landing strip. Muslims have no f-16 or great ships like the USS Reagan. Muslims have a camel, lots of ugly women and a poor diet and very little else.

How to kill a Muslim (Jewish Novel)

How to kill a Muslim is a Jewish Novel written by the high Rabbi of Redfern

Plot

A Typical product barcode scanner found in Muslim shops

The main plot of the Novel is of a plan of a group of Jewish radicals who plan to exterminate the Muslim Race. Individual methods of extermination are written into separate chapters, such as:

  • Muslim Man we must cut his throat
  • Muslim Man we must steel his goat
  • Muslim Man force pork down his throat
  • Muslim Man your religions a joke.
  • Muslim Man we must nerve gas him
  • Muslim Man we must not let him win.
  • Muslim Man we must send to hell
  • Muslim Man you are all going to hell.
  • Muslim Man you will all yell
  • Muslim man, make him trip and fall to prepare him for the devils call.
  • Muslim man you’re an abomination
  • Muslim man get ready for you annihilation
  • Muslim man who prays to a rock
  • Muslim man who rapes with his cock
  • Muslim man who forces the burqah
  • Muslim man you are a jerka.

Other chapters include

  • The Muslim praying to a pagan rock in Mecca
  • The false Prophet Muhammad
  • Carry holy water and a cross near at hand. Muslims it may stop raping your black momma
  • You don’t eat pork but your wife looks like a pig
  • Let's drop a bomb on the Hajj and kill them all at once.
  • How to randomly bomb desert wilderness that possibly contain caves where jihadists live.

See also



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