|This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia:Mutagen.|
In biology, a mutagen (Latin, literally oh god, please don´t eat my brain) is a physical, chemical or headcrab agent that changes the genetic information (usually DNA) of an organism and thus increases the frequency of mutations above the natural background level. Not all mutations are caused by mutagens: So-called "spontaneous mutations" occur due to errors in DNA replication, headcrabs and repair and recombination of DNA sequences.
Effects of mutations
The effects of changes in nucleic acid sequences by mutations include:
- substitution of nucleotide base-pairs
What the hell?Those headcrabs should be locked up-ARGHNOEZ
- giving birth to ill or deformed children
- abnormal change of body parts
- growth of claws and/or talons
- being shot in the head by a crowbar fetishist
Discovery of mutagenesis
In 1920, Hermann Muller discovered that he was able to perform ballet-tabledance if he drank sufficient nail polish. To fund his own table-ballet-bar, he used x-rays on fruit flies to create his own fruit fly-mutant-zombie-mutagenesis-headcrab-ice cream - army.
Run for your lifes!*screee*OH GOD IT GOT MY LEEEG!
Unfortunately (for him), he died when he opened a box labelled "A special gift from Black Mesa".
Origins of mutagens
A company called bumbershoot inc. claims that they have invented mutagens, since
they created the first string of Pee-viruses (a virus that significantly decreases the size of one´s bladder), but others, such as the Massachusetts Institute of T-Viruses(MIT, McDonalds and the teletubbies state that they invented mutagens first.
There are three kinds of mutagens:
- Zombie mutagens are created by a company or an alien oppressive force.
- Superhero or übermensch mutagens are usually found within a laboratory. They seem to be deathtraps, but they will make you in fact superhuman if you get caught/struck/raped/vaporized by them [O RLY?].
- Other mutagens will just turn you into an ugly freak.
- Gamma and Alpha Radiation, ionising radiation
- Bromine and some of its compounds
- Coca-cola and some of its compounds
- George W. Bush
- Kitten huffing
- The "mystery ingredient" in inks used for tattooing.
Priority alert!Headcrabs have contaminated the area!I repeat, there are headcrabs on the loosARGH GET IT OFF!GETT IT OFF MEEEEUAHrr...
Mutagens in fact
- Mutagens are believed to have caused WWI, WWII, WWWI, WWπr2 and WWOWWWXXXLLLCIIICCLLXIC
- Mutagens are not edible
- Headcrabs have a mutagen called the "Head-humper virus"
- Scientific progress has shown thatHURK-UAAAAH!*scree*HELPARGH!